Hello Dr. Ann My daughter is 3 years and 3 months old.. as I had told u she was very polite but now she has become violent and crying for everything she wants. i don't listen to her when she ties and ask her to stop crying n then tell me what u want?very rarely she would listen.. now she pulls out her hair aswell and folds her arm and says arghhhh,shows her angry eyes aswell. now this is giving me a lot of problems in society. I spoke to her many times and she even agrees that ok mama yes mama n later forgets and repeats the same thing,I don't know if she doesn't understand what am I speaking to her. when she repeats,I want her agressive behavior to go away. she goes to nursery. and did 11months at play school. maybe she has Learnt anger from us. i even delivered a boy 4 months ago n maybe our attention was more towards the new baby.. I have locked her in a room 3-4 times and 1-2 min each that you u don't listen n keep crying so you'll get punishment. she says mama no open the door. then I open m take a promise from her n yet again within 2mins if she wants she again starts crying. Now she asks just once or max twice n if we refuse,she starts crying.. plz help!!

Created by
Updated on May 27, 2014

health Corner

Answer:

Dear Ujala,

This is your child. If she is crying there must be some reason why she is crying. Let's look at some reasons why children misbehave. There are four reasons why children misbehave- 1. Attention 2. Power 3. Revenge and 4. Give up. Let's find out why is she really crying. Understand that at this point of time, she is the most distressed, even more distressed than you are. She is 3 years old. Her rational brain continues to develop till 6 years. As a result, emotional behaviours explained with a reason may be forgotten during the period of stress. This is normal.

Considering you have a younger child now, your daughter needs more love and attention. Look at the situation through her eyes. All these days, she had everyone's attention. Suddenly, one fine day, she meets her younger sibling and she sees that she doesn't get as much attention as she needs. She asks for it. She still doesn't get it. Then she starts to cry to get your attention. As parents you try and give her the attention that is possible but it is not the same that she was used to. So she is further upset. She cries again. This time, you are tired and you lock her up. Now what she has understood is, I don't matter. A 3 year old child thinks she doesn't matter. She is rejected because she asked for attention.

Our children try and communicate to us the best way they can that might include incessant crying. Can we look at her heart and say "I know you are lonely and you need mama now. you seem sad. Come let me give you a hug. A tight bear hug. ". Shower your child with kisses, hugs and affection. She needs it today more than ever. Secure her with your love, Ujala.

Her aggression is truly a minor thing. Please let me know how this has helped. If the problem continues, please contact  Parentune helpdesk (helpdesk@parentune. com) and schedule a session with me. Till then,

Happy Parenting!

Dr. Ann

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