Dealing with behavioural issues of your child

Live Chat - Dealing with behavioural issues of your child

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Uthista Thota

Dealing with behavioural issues of your child

Uthista Thota, Counselor & Psychotherapist


Mar 19, 2016 | 11 : 00 AM to 1 : 15 PM

Being a parent is a unique experience. As parents we nurture, take care and support our children in every possible way. However, occasionally parenting becomes a challenge. As children start to grow, parents confront several situations, behavioural issues, and other challenging developments that become difficult task for them to handle.


If you are a parent having queries and concerns about your child’s inconsistent behaviour, then talk to our expert Uthista Thota.


Uthista is a Counselor & Psychotherapist with a Bsc. Honors in Psychology (U. K), Msc. Psychology and P.G Diploma in Applied Child Psychology (U. K). Uthista has significant and progressive experience working in the mental health, educational sector and corporates with both children and adolescents suffering from mental health, emotional, social and other challenging behaviours.


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Parents get concerned about the behavioural changes that occur as the child grows. If you are a parent seeking answers on why your child acts and behaves the way he does, you must register for the Live Chat to have your queries answered by our expert.


Parentune regularly organizes live chats with experts from various fields. This forum becomes an ideal platform for parents from all over India to discuss their concerns, share their views and find expert answers.

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My daughter is now 4 year's old. she get angry every time no reasons. N start crying...m so confused....

My daughter is now 4 year's old. she get angry every time no reasons. N start crying...m so confused what can I do?

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Uthista Thota
Hello Ashwino. I understand this must be a very challenging situation for you to deal with. You need to understand that the period between 18 months and 3 years is a very exciting time for children. Toddlers are slowly understanding that they are separate individuals from their parents. This means they are eager to assert themselves by communicating their likes and dislikes and act independently. The other issue is that they are just learning to communicate by using the few words they know hence making them rely heavily on actions to tell us what and how they feel. Generally there is a wide variation among children when it comes to them acting very aggressively. Children who are intense tend to have a more difficult time managing their emotions and than by children who are easy going by nature. As a parent I would suggest you to help your child understand and communicate her feelings in acceptable, non aggressive ways. Children also model the way parents behave in similar situations so as a role model you have to make a conscious effort to provide a environment where you manage your own emotions in acceptable and non aggressive ways. This is not easy. It requires a lot of patience and time. But with your support and guidance she will be able to manage her strong emotions in years to come. 2016-03-19 11:10:14
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My baby is 7months at this age he shouts on every person especially when he see any new one and on r....

My baby is 7months at this age he shouts on every person especially when he see any new one and on roafs also in bus. He them to take him play with him talk with him. I think he is not satisfied with family members.

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Uthista Thota
Hello Deepmala. I understand that it is challenging situation you are facing. But, I would just like to say that it is part of growing up and part of the child developing into a independent individual. As children cannot really express the way they feel verbally they mostly rely on actions. I would also suggest you follow these three steps where you observe and learn : what is going on in your childs world? Where is the behavior happening ? Home? School? Outside at the mall? If it is happening in one setting, could there be something about that environment ( too crowded, or overwhelming) that is triggering that behavior? Is the behavior directed at one single person? When does he behavior generally happen? What happened right before your child's challenging behavior? Has there been a recent change in her world that is making your child feel upset, out of control or sad? Apart from these a childs developmental stage and temperament have to be taken into account. Is the behavior typical for your childs age? and where temperament is concerned could the behavior be explained in part by your childs way of approaching the world. Is he a very sensitive , intense child in settings. These are a few pointers or markers for you to look at. Having said that it could be part of a normal developmental growth pattern. 2016-03-19 11:22:35
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My 2 yr old girl child is very aggressive and throws lot of tantrums.. She also has mood swings.

My 2 yr old girl child is very aggressive and throws lot of tantrums.. She also has mood swings.

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Uthista Thota
Hello Sultana. This is a very exciting period for toddlers between the age of 18 months to 3 years. Toddlers are just beginning to understand that they are separate individuals and are trying to assert only through actions what they would like to communicate. Since they have a very minimal vocabulary resorting to actions is one of the key sources they look a to communicate. They are trying to adjust and communicate to us what they feel and what they like/dislike. It can be frustrating for a child not to be equipped to communicate what they feel to their care giver . The mood swings could be because of that. Having said I would like for you to reflect on the questions I have asked in the previous thread and see if you can connect the dots. 2016-03-19 11:28:29
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Hi, My daughter was very good with friends upto 4 yrs but there was some change in her. He teacher w....

Hi, My daughter was very good with friends upto 4 yrs but there was some change in her. He teacher was complaining me that she was showing attitude towards her Classmates ,she always complains about others and she want to be number one and get the attention from all. Please let me know how to handle with this, I am worried

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Uthista Thota
Hello Lavanya. From what you have expressed I think you must first reflect on the child's environment in the classroom? Is there any change in the classroom? Is there any change in the child's environment at home? Has there been any sort of change in the child's environment anywhere else? Generally we notice a change is the childs behavior as they are growing up and start interacting with various people. The change in behavior could be caused due to any reason. The child throught the developmental stages have a lot going on an emotional, social and cognitive level. Reflecting into the areas of the child might give a better understanding to the cause of change in behavior. Also, when children are going through a "rough patch" in any of these areas it can come out as attention seeking . The child will suddenly want to be the center of attention both at home and school. Keeping these markers in my mind I would like for you to just reflect on it. 2016-03-19 11:33:35
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Hello madam my son is 2yrs 5mnths every time he is effected with cold now he is going to pre school....

Hello madam my son is 2yrs 5mnths every time he is effected with cold now he is going to pre school another problem is that he is not talking properly few words dady & papa he is saying .when iam trying to talk with him he is not listening my words please madam suggest me tips for this problem n cold problem thank you.

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Uthista Thota
Hello Sandy. Since you have mentioned that your child is attending school I understand that interacting with so many children can be one of the reasons for the cold. I would also like for you to consult a Pediatrician to check whether the child's immunity is healthy or should there be a change in the diet. It is very important for a growing child to eat healthy and in the right proportion. Also , where language development is concerned I want to say that each child is different and they take their own time. Although, having said that at this age children usually combine a few words to form short sentences. They use plurals.If you see these not happening , please do no get worried. Every childs growth is different. I would suggest you take him to a child Psychologist just for your reassurance. Getting him checked for the cold is recommended because at times it can cause ear infections which might be one of the reasons he is not hearing well which you may misunderstand as him not listening to you. 2016-03-19 11:40:44
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I'm a mother of two children. My son is six years old n my daughter is 8months. Both have very good....

I'm a mother of two children. My son is six years old n my daughter is 8months. Both have very good relationship. They both play well n laugh at each other. My son does everything for his sister. He helps me out in small things. But when my baby girl goes to others my son does mischief. He pinches, pulls her hand etc. When I'm thr he does nothing. But when his granny is thr he does lots of trouble. I have spanked him many times. I get anger. Nowadays he lies to me for small things. He studies well. He does everything which is not good.i always been disciplining him wherever I go.for this reason I hate going anywhere even to my mother house. Please help me out how to handle my son.but I know my parenting is wrong.

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Uthista Thota
Hello Mubeen. I am glad to hear that your son and daughter share a beautiful sibling bond. It is one of those bonds which lasts for a lifetime. Now, where your son is concerned I understand that he might be feeling like his sister is being taken away from him by someone else. Children at this age are possessive to a large extent. Like I said in the previous threads they are not equipped well to communicate like adults. Also, since there is an age gap I assume that your son is possesive about his sister and it is coming in ways where is misbehaves. Generally, when children dislike/like anything they show it through actions., A change in is behavior could be caused due to his insecurity of his sister being taken by somebody else. You need to look for markers in the childs environment which can be the reason for his change in behavior. 2016-03-19 11:46:12
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Uthista Thota
Also, Mubeen parenting is a tough job. Being a mother of two and bringing them up isnt easy. I understand. Every parent is different with the way they bring up their children which does not make someones parenting right or wrong. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 11:47:29
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Hi, my son is 5.3 yrs. He is well behaved child but has recently become a very stubborn. Always want....

Hi, my son is 5.3 yrs. He is well behaved child but has recently become a very stubborn. Always wants to oppose. Academicly he does not want to write and is extremely moody. He choses whom he wants to speak and whom not. At times I get very angry with him but somehow now have given up. His mood swings, and less interest in writing is making me go round n round. Can u advice me how to tackle a moody child .

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Uthista Thota
Hi Purvi. Toddlers are a lot like teenagers. A childs temperament is a big factor. There are a lot of children who fall on two extremes of the spectrum. We have a few easy going and stable children and there are others who are intense , sensitive. Most kids fall somewhere in between this continuum. Try to be as consistent as possible in your own moods and responses to him. Validate his feelings and give them words he can understand. Offer an advance notice when one of his favorite activities is about to end. Help him feel more in control by offering him possible choices. Also, given him tokens of appreciation when he completes dong a chore you have assigned him to do. Reward/ token system is a great way to modify behavior in children. 2016-03-19 11:53:15
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My child's nature is soo aggressive.he don't like any toys .

My child's nature is soo aggressive.he don't like any toys .

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Uthista Thota
Hi Dobariya. It is very common that you find aggression as one of the main emotions in children. Like I have mentioned before in previous questions. Children are just learning that they are separate individuals and for them to communicate verbally like an adult with lot of reason is difficult. They find it difficult to express what they feel just verbally hence resort to actions. Also, your child might be a very creative personality hence playing with toys is something he might not enjoy. Let him try other activities which are more hands on , where he can participate more. Hope this helps 2016-03-19 12:00:13
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My daughter is 3 yrs old and 5 months since she turned 3 her behaviour has changed alot, she gets ve....

My daughter is 3 yrs old and 5 months since she turned 3 her behaviour has changed alot, she gets very angry and copies our every action when we get angry with her which is difficult to control sometimes. So she says the same e sentences to both of us sometimes which shocks us totally. What do we do? She's loving when we are and angry when we are....

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Uthista Thota
Hello Jaquelene. It is common for children at this age to mimic adults. As for children it shows one on one bonding. The attention children receive for imitating either of the parent or for the effort they put in encourages these performances. Imitation is also a path to independence in children. When a child imitates they think I can do what an adult can do and they learn that they have control. Most imitation follows a path of watching , listening, processing the information, attempting to copy behavior, and practicing. Imitation is a major milestone in a childs life and acting just like you is only him learning more about himself. It is part of the growing up process. Hope this helps 2016-03-19 12:07:04
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My son is 3 yrs 2 mths.he has some phobia about school. He knows every way to school and now don't w....

My son is 3 yrs 2 mths.he has some phobia about school. He knows every way to school and now don't wanna go to any where with us.

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Uthista Thota
Hello Anita. You child must be experiencing separation anxiety. Children with separation anxiety are worried that if they are away from home something drastic will happen. They feel very distressed leaving home or the mother. It is something which needs immediate attention. I would suggest that you take him for counselling. Hope this helps. Reading about separation anxiety might give you some insight too. Hope this helps 2016-03-19 12:10:34
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My daughter is 3 yrs 2 months old. She lately has started keeping food in mouth for long, not chewin....

My daughter is 3 yrs 2 months old. She lately has started keeping food in mouth for long, not chewing and does not want to eat at all anything. We have tried literally every possible way to make her chew faster but of no use. We are worried as she is slowly becoming very stubborn. Please guide us.

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Uthista Thota
Hello Saroj. There are the few parents who have children who throw a fuss at eating. If it is something which she dislikes she might not want to eat it. Bringing a change in her behavior can be done with you as parents eating the same and expressing how its good for health or how tasty it is. Having a token/reward system might also help with bringing a modification in behavior. Offering her something she really likes for having finished her food might help. This needs to be consistent practice. If you are offering her favourite t.v time for completing her food . The reward must be immediate and consistent. Slowly, remove the reward after she gets used to eating by herself. Also, trying different tastes and flavours, color in food makes eating exciting for children. I suggest you try the following. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:14:34
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My son is 2.1 yr. .. I think he has some phobia about strangers. ..apart from family members he does....

My son is 2.1 yr. .. I think he has some phobia about strangers. ..apart from family members he doesn't want to go to anyone Wether they are any relatives or friends..

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Uthista Thota
Hello Khushnuma. It is very normal for children to have stranger anxiety. It occurs between 12-24 months. They view anyone other than their care giver/ parents as a threat. It is very a normal and natural part of growing up and development in children. What might help is reassuring the child that everything is okay in the presence of the stranger. Stay close to him. Withing his vicinity and proximity. The child feels safe when he can see you or stay close to you. Give him lots of affection when he goes to the new face. Reassure the adult/ stranger that this normal and that it isnt like the child is rejecting you but they will take sometime to go to them. Stay around your child before you leave or give the child to somebody else. If you have to go out and leave the child with the grandmother. Make sure the grandmother comes early make the child feel comfortable with the grandmother and then this will help to make the transition process easier for the child and care giver. Lastly it is a slow process. It can be quite frustrating but be patient you know this too shall pass. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:21:19
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My son is 8month old. He lost his 1kg weight is last 1month. Now his weight is 9kg while he was 10kg....

My son is 8month old. He lost his 1kg weight is last 1month. Now his weight is 9kg while he was 10kg on 8th feb. Is this normal? Or reason for worry?

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Uthista Thota
Hello Sangeeta. I would suggest you take the baby to a pediatrician. However, it is quite normal for children to gain and lose weight. It is nothing to worry about. Sometimes change in the environment , travelling, change in diet , change in weather, ill health can make the child lose weight. Consult a doctor for further re assurance and to rule out any other ailment. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:24:00
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My daughter is 4.3 years old. She starts crying very easily, if she loses in a game, if someone touc....

My daughter is 4.3 years old. She starts crying very easily, if she loses in a game, if someone touches her stuff, if someone is not giving her swing, if her wish is not fulfilled, if any child pushes or pulls or is not listening to her. I don't know what to do. Kindly help.

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Uthista Thota
Hello Deepali. From what you have expressed your daughter seems to be stubborn and wants to have it her way all the time. As parents we need to change behavior which is not acceptable. Trying to communicate more acceptable ways of sharing, giving is very important. Teaching that just because she cries and throws a fit she is not getting what she wants and expressing to her that if she wants something she needs to ask or request and then have it. Children get used to throwing a fit and as parents because we don't want them to be screaming and misbehaving we give in . For behavior to be modified you need find more acceptable ways to deal with the situation and also reward her appreciate her for asking / requesting rather than throwing a fit. Appreciating her consistently for good behavior will bring in the change. You need to explain to her good and bah behavior and the consequences of each. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:28:31
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I m a mother my son is 11 yrs now. He becomes very angry or loose his temper as soon as we ask him t....

I m a mother my son is 11 yrs now. He becomes very angry or loose his temper as soon as we ask him to leave his tab or stop playing games.please suggest what should be done so that he will remain calm and priortise his work ???

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Uthista Thota
Hello Niti. It is a difficult phase. Making him understand the side effects of using a tab constantly and not prioritizing his work can help. Also, give him a specified time during the day when he can use his tab or play games. Should be generally after he finishes his work/studies/chores . This helps him know that if he finishes his work soon he will be rewarded with some time to play on his tab or go out and play. Having a routine and having set rules in the house or for a child is very important while growing up. The child needs to be told of the consequences of not finishing his work on time the he will not be allowed anytime to play his games or on the tab. All his actions have to have consequences and he needs to know that. This can bring some discipline. Hope it helps. 2016-03-19 12:32:15
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Hi my daughter is 4.2 yrs old.. How to teach her to be calm ans quite if v r talking to some one or....

Hi my daughter is 4.2 yrs old.. How to teach her to be calm ans quite if v r talking to some one or over the phone. She will never allow us to talk to anybody..

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Uthista Thota
Hi Rekha. It is important that you explain to the child the consequences of her actions. Misbehaving like talking loud when you are on the phone will only push you to take her T.V time for the day or any other favorite activity of her's. Since she is young actually explaining her the intensity might not help because she will not understand. Modifying her behavior by telling her what will happen if she does it will bring in some change. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:34:40
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My daughter is 2years old.she closes her eyes whenever she meets strangers in any public place. At h....

My daughter is 2years old.she closes her eyes whenever she meets strangers in any public place. At home if some relative turns up she refuses to interact with them.she has recently started talking one words like bus,car,ball,fan understands context says no too but does not want to say hi or bye.

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Uthista Thota
Hi Shanthi. Your daughter might be having stranger anxiety. Children who have this might be scared to go strangers or anybody else. I have already discussed this is question 14. If you have a look at it will guide you on what to do. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:36:15
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I am a mother of 2 girls. First baby is 3 yrs,she is a hyperactive girl,doesn't sit in a place calml....

I am a mother of 2 girls. First baby is 3 yrs,she is a hyperactive girl,doesn't sit in a place calmly.even when tv is on she keeps on changing positions in chair.she listens to me well when I sit and talk to her of being kranky. But then she repeats. Recently she got a sister of 4months old. Now she started feeling possessive provided how much I concentrate on her. Shez gud at studies, grasps well for once. First in class. Both children need my attention, am becoming frustrated wth her kranky behaviour and hitting her sometimes. Help me?

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My daughter is 4Yrs 9 Months and going to LKG class from last June. She cries most of the days (almo....

My daughter is 4Yrs 9 Months and going to LKG class from last June. She cries most of the days (almost everyday) for going to school saying 'i will miss u mumma'....I have tried almost everything to make her cheerful while going to school but doesnt seems to work. At the end, i too loose my temper and gets agry at her. Is this behaviour normal or does my child needs to be handled in a different way... Thank you Mam..

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Uthista Thota
Hello Jency. This is very normal behavior for children at this age. It is called separation anxiety which in turn leads to school phobia. Since that s the first place away from home where they spend most of their time . You can refer to question number 12. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:37:54
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My daughter is 4 and half year old.she behave so rudely and gets angry very fast. Since her brother....

My daughter is 4 and half year old.she behave so rudely and gets angry very fast. Since her brother is three months old she tries to catch attraction but in a wrong way. Help to deal with this situation.

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Uthista Thota
Hello Swasti. I understand that it is a difficult situation you are facing. Children are unable us what/how they feel hence resort to show what they are feeling through actions. She also feels lost with the second child coming into the family, She might feel that she wont be loved or all her love has to be shared somebody else. That her parents will love the other child more than they love her. In situation like this I would suggest that as parents you get her used to the brother. Also keep reassuring her that you love her and will not leave her or love somebody else more or less. Reassuring the first child with love and affection will make the bonding between the first child and the new second child. Hope this helps 2016-03-19 12:42:05
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My daughter is 6 yrs old. She has started to tell a lie and going to anyone's home without telling u....

My daughter is 6 yrs old. She has started to tell a lie and going to anyone's home without telling us. I hv told her many times but she does not listen. What 2 do???

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Uthista Thota
Hello Surendra. I would suggest you talk to your daughter. Also communicating to see if there is something troubling and the dangers of going away to anyone's house without telling anybody . Trying to explain to her and making her understand the consequences of such behavior must be communicated to the child. Tell her what will happen if she does do this again what punishment/ or what favorite thing of hers will be taken away from her. Modifying behavior to acceptable ways is a long process but as parents if you are consistent in rewarding her for good behavior (not going to anybody's house or informing someone before going somewhere) and bad behavior (going to somebodys house without telling anyone). Being consistent in your routine of modifying the behavior is important. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:46:32
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Hi. My son is 3 yrs old. He has been obidient n caring but lately has developed the tendency of not....

Hi. My son is 3 yrs old. He has been obidient n caring but lately has developed the tendency of not listening to me and throwing tantrums after doing what he wants... As if he knows that he has done something wrong..

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Uthista Thota
Hello Ambreen. I would suggest you lay down some rules and communicate to him what will happen if he doesn't listen to you. He needs to know the consequences of his actions. Rewarding him when he behaves himself with something he likes shows him what is acceptable and what is not. When he throwns tantrums let him be and do not give him attention. Because the moment we give attention the child learns that him throwing a tantrum leads to him getting his way. Hope this helps. Most children do go through changes while growing up and changes in behavior are very normal and natural . 2016-03-19 12:50:28
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my 6 yr old son has behavioural issues like hitting his head with hands,banging his head against obj....

my 6 yr old son has behavioural issues like hitting his head with hands,banging his head against objects,suddenly laughing, shouting. he has mild ASD. We are working on him through speech and occupational therapies. But behavioral issues still on the same grounds. Seek suggestions to stop this head hitting, head banging behavior. Thanks.

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Uthista Thota
Hello R.Nair. I understand it must be difficult for you. I would suggest you take your son to Child Psychologist. As you have mentioned your son having Autism Spectrum Disorder, I would like to share that having behavioral issues is one of the symptoms. Many children with ASD have repetitive behavior. So the head banging could be one of the behaviors he has learnt and repeats. Generally children with ASD have difficulty in social communication, have narrow interests and repetitive behavior. This is a common feature to ASD which you have mentioned. Consulting a Child Psychologist will give you more insight. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:57:12
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Hello Dr. My daughter is 16 month old. She is very good in learning skills like she dance on rhymes,....

Hello Dr. My daughter is 16 month old. She is very good in learning skills like she dance on rhymes,knows body parts name, do hi and bye. But when she goes to a new place or between strangers like in restaurants, temple; she starts crying deadly. Even if we go to any close place where there is no one she starts doing the same.she don't want that any new person even touch her. When we are going to her Dr's clinic for her vaccination and daily checkup she starts crying and not willing to enter in room and touched by anyone.I m so worried about her nature.plz suggest me what to do.....

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Uthista Thota
Hello Jyotsna. Please do not get worried . This is a very common phenomenon and it is very natural and normal while children develop. I would request you to go through question no 14 where I have answered a similar issue. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 12:59:07
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Hi My son is 21 months old. We are seeing the behavior mentioned below. 1) He likes pulling hair o....

Hi My son is 21 months old. We are seeing the behavior mentioned below. 1) He likes pulling hair of his mother, even during sleep he does it. In spite of explaining, mild warnings and every other solution we have tried, he still likes doing it. He thinks its a game when he is awake. Night times not sure what he thinks but he keeps pulling hair. During day time when he pulls her hair, he tightens his teeth as if he is trying very hard. Not just her hair but rarely he does like pulling other people's hair also. 2) When he likes or when he gets angry, he hugs the other kid very hard and so other kids are not comfortable and crying. When he gets angry he is biting off late. Kindly let me know your valuable suggestions Best Rgds Eshwar

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Uthista Thota
Hello Nageswararao. I would suggest you take your son to a Child Psycholgist. The behaviors you have explained fall into many disorders in children. I would suggest you take him to a Child Psychologist because they can have a look at the child and mention the same . This might help the psychologist to guide you further . This is not very normal in children and is an outlier so I suggest you show him immediately. Hope this helps. 2016-03-19 13:03:43
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Hi, I'm mother of 2 kids. Son is elder, he will turning 6 on April. My question is- 1. He is having....

Hi, I'm mother of 2 kids. Son is elder, he will turning 6 on April. My question is- 1. He is having fear for masked person like if he saw a joker/ someone wearing a Mickey Mouse dress he started crying. We tried to explain him that it's not real a person inside the costume but no result. He loves to wear superhero dress himself. 2. He is going for swimming class but don't want to go to deep side. He is doing well but still have fear to drown ( he never drown in the water). 3. He can't stick with one thing. He is good dancer so join a dance school but wasn't continue, join drawing class same thing happen again. My question is that is these problems are common or else what is the cause & how to deal with him. I'm having a daughter she is 2 years old and now she also follow her brothers footsteps. How I prevent her because she is not having those problems initially but after seeing her brother now she also started. Please help me. Thanks in advance.

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My daughter is 5 yrs 9 months old and now a days she is getting adamant and avoiding our instruction....

My daughter is 5 yrs 9 months old and now a days she is getting adamant and avoiding our instruction to have milk/food, go for loo and other instructions. she pretend like she is not listening to us and when we scold her, she starts crying. After a little later , she gets normal and says sorry to us. We noticed that sometimes she gets stuck within herself for a while.

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Uthista Thota
Hello Meenu. This is very common is children. Most children while growing up are like teenagers themselves. They need to be told what is good and bad behavior. Modifying behavior is a long process but as parents if you communicate to the child it would help in the process. Also, as you are correcting the behavior of child being consistent in your punishment for misbehaving and rewarding the child for behaving well is very important. Please have a look at other questions in the thread where behavior modification has been discussed for further insight and help. 2016-03-19 13:07:36

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followed a parenting blog : Diarrhea Cure in Kids – Causes, Symptoms, Treatment and Prevention Tips

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