Dealing with temper tantrums and aggression in children Age 3 to 7

Live Chat - Dealing with temper, tantrums and aggression in children (Age 3 to 7)

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Dr Roma Kumar

Dealing with temper, tantrums and aggression in children (Age 3 to 7)

Dr. Roma Kumar, Clinical Psychologist - Sir Ganga Ram Hospital and Max Hospital


Dec 11, 2015 | 11 : 00 AM to 1 : 10 PM

Is your child's anger out of control and affecting how he interacts with the family? Does he talk back too often? Get all the answers you need around understanding your child's behaviour, dealing with temper tantrums and aggression in children. Join live chat with child psychologist to get tips on how to connect to the child better.


About an expert: Dr. Roma Kumar



Dr. Roma Kumar is a Clinical Psychologist, with over 30 years of experience. She is a Senior Consultant at the Institute of Child Health at Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, New Delhi. Besides,she is also associated with Delhi Council for Child Welfare, along with various central and state education boards. Dr Roma is also associated with various schools and has been doing extensive work with children and adolescents and families on many growth and developmental issues.She has also set up learning centers in various schools. She has done extensive work in the field of Child Mental health, parenting, sexuality education, stress management, learning, ADHD and behaviour issues in children
Registration fee : INR 50

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My son is 2&half yrs old. He is a happy and active child. He has started speaking though not fluentl....

My son is 2&half yrs old. He is a happy and active child. He has started speaking though not fluently but can convey mostly everything. He expresses his excitment by physical gestures. For some reason he bites at times (earlier it was a lot but now after repeated reminders from us he does it rarely), he throws stuff around and hits people (continues to do so even after repeated requests and reprimands not to). He gets very angry and aggressive at times. Throws tantrums. We would like to know how to best behave with him so that this anger and aggression is managed.

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Roma Kumar
Hi Richa. Its normal for kids of this age to throw temper tantrums. Its just that all demands that are legitimate need to be fulfilled. Anger is normal at all ages, except it needs to be channelized. I do hope that he is attending a play school where he gets to interact with peer group, this would help him understand pro-social behaviour. 2015-12-11 11:01:55
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Roma Kumar
Whenever he hits and throws stuff, he should be told that such behaviour is unacceptable. And you as a parent should not get angry or scream and shout when he behaves like this. Firmness is the key. 2015-12-11 11:03:08
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Roma Kumar
He needs to be kept occupied in activities which are pleasurable and age appropriate. He needs to be stimulated with activities and you must talk with him about many daily life stuff. 2015-12-11 11:04:52
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Hello Dr Roma, My daughter is 4 years old and while she is very manageable, i sometimes feel, she li....

Hello Dr Roma, My daughter is 4 years old and while she is very manageable, i sometimes feel, she listens to me (and especially) my husband just so to please us. She will give in to her demands cause she is possibly worried about getting papa upset. Can this be true and happen with children?

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Roma Kumar
Yes Nikita its true that children like to please parents. There is nothing wrong in it until you start realising that they are taking advantage or are very anxious. Either ways you need to address the underlying problem. 2015-12-11 11:06:54
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How can I ensure this? 2015-12-11 11:07:10
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Roma Kumar
Well from her daily conversations and connect you can understand what she desires. Also do not let her know you are aware of it. Sometimes it may be just your perception. 2015-12-11 11:08:36
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oh ok...also i sometimes fail to understand the fine line between being sissy and assertive. how can i teach my child to be assertive? 2015-12-11 11:09:21
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Roma Kumar
If I as a parent am assertive and firm, my child will learn the same. Children ape behaviours. She will gradually learn... 2015-12-11 11:10:51
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ok. sometimes when another aggressive child pushes her or hits her, i dont want to tell her to do the same. what is the best advice i can give her? 2015-12-11 11:12:07
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Roma Kumar
Such behaviours are bound to happen, when children are growing...they are exploring and experimenting...dont ask her to hit back for sure. Acknowledge that she has got hit, and ask her a question back...what she she do? she will give you a nice answer. 2015-12-11 11:14:09
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My daughter is 3 and a half. She is a very sensitive child.Very chirpy, lively at home we always mak....

My daughter is 3 and a half. She is a very sensitive child.Very chirpy, lively at home we always make sure we communicate with her as much as we can. My issue here is she is pushed around a lot in school, in park she is always the last one to get her turn. She gets dominated by her closest friends and even cousins of her own age. Sometimes she comes back from school and tells me kids hit her, push her. As a parent I get angry sometimes and want to tell her to hit back but thats no solution. I have tried speaking to her to be firm and say No when someone pushes or go to the teacher. But all in vain.. Help me

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Roma Kumar
Yes Magha, while in their growing years, children get bullied and some of us have a personality to keep on getting bullied. Don't get angry, but talk to her about it. Ask her when someone does this what happens to her...how does she feel at that point? Let her know that she can go and let her teacher know this. And sometimes kids use this as an attention seeking issue. She needs to be introduced to more peer interaction and peer play to learn pro-social behaviours 2015-12-11 11:18:31
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I have tried talking to her a number of times, she gets hurt when kids hit her and push her specially her close friends.Its difficult cause she can't be going to the teacher all the time, how will she learn to handle her own issues then 2015-12-11 11:20:19
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Roma Kumar
Aske her to let her friends know that she does not like this behaviour of pushing. Also help her and introduce her to newer activities and peer interaction. Help her make more friends. Take her to play areas. And try not to get too anxious. Try not to give so much attention to this action. 2015-12-11 11:22:17
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So talking to her friends will be ok, cause their parents sometimes wont like the same. The issue is not with her social skills or peer interaction but with the fact the she doesn't know how to retaliate in an appropriate manner. 2015-12-11 11:24:34
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Roma Kumar
ok. She does not need to retaliate...only respond. Let her explore newer activities...this behaviour will subside. If you communicate well with her, she will tell you her feelings...its important to understand the feeling.and am sure she will learn how to tackle it. Best wishes. 2015-12-11 11:26:37
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How can you make a 5 year old listen to you? Sometimes we feel nothing works, the promises, time out....

How can you make a 5 year old listen to you? Sometimes we feel nothing works, the promises, time outs, doing what they want, explanations

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Roma Kumar
Hello Mekhla. I wish it was so simple for us parents to get our 5 year olds listen to us!! Focus on the important areas...the ones that are non-negotiable. Also too many no's are unhealthy. Don't expect that your child is growing up to be a perfect adult....some areas do not need perfect behaviours. 2015-12-11 11:29:04
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Hi Roma, I am having two kids, son 6 years and daughter 4 years. Son is reserved and aggressive also....

Hi Roma, I am having two kids, son 6 years and daughter 4 years. Son is reserved and aggressive also.he won't pay attention to anything and don't play with kids. Not expressive of thoughts properly and always compares with sis and beats her . sometimes it will be very difficult to convince him/ make him understand to some things.screams at the aunty who takes care of them.

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Roma Kumar
I can see that you are getting agitated with this behaviour. There seems to be huge element of sibling rivalry....which is normal. As a parent do not compare him to your daughter and also do not expect that as he is the older one...he needs to behave. Whereas he is a child!! Try to spend more talking time with him without focusing on his negative behaviours. Try not to reprimand him often. 2015-12-11 11:33:01
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Roma Kumar
Screaming, raving and ranting behaviours should not be encouraged...children need to be told to respect elders. When he screams, for sure his demand should not be fulfilled....no erratic discipline. 2015-12-11 11:35:39
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My Daughter is 4 yrs old. In normal scenario she is quite, chiry, enjoying. But if we dont listen to....

My Daughter is 4 yrs old. In normal scenario she is quite, chiry, enjoying. But if we dont listen to her or dont full fill her demands she get very angry. And ensures that her wishes are fullfilled. She even shouts a lot. At the top for her voice. She goes to the extent of back answering us or even hitting us. What the solution to ensure she remains calm

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Roma Kumar
Your daughter is energetic and intelligent. She knows what she wants, and how to get it. All demands should never be fulfilled. Only legitimate demands need to be heard and fulfilled. If the child screams and tries to get your attention, then let her know that screaming is not upsetting you....if she screams, mom and dad are not going to listen to her. Do not scream back. When she back answers only respond and not get impulsive and react at her. Let her know that such behaviour is unacceptable and she can calm down and then talk to you. 2015-12-11 11:38:43
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We do remain calm and try to explain her. But she doesn't listen to us and starts crying and shouting more loudly. How to ensure that her demands are not meet and still ensure she doesnt get hyper 2015-12-11 11:40:45
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Also till what time does this behaviour continues 2015-12-11 11:41:47
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Roma Kumar
Good to hear that you remain calm. Try not to give her too many explanations when she is crying or screaming. It does not work at that moment. let her know that to cry is fine. If she wants to cry she can....do not visibly get upset with her crying. This way she will understand that crying does not fulfil her demands. Do not get upset if she is screaming. Only say it firmly that once when she stops crying she can be heard but its not essential to fulfil her demand which is unacceptable. Such behaviour can continue till teenage as this is learnt behaviour....we need to let the child understand that crying is good but not to get demands fulfilled with it. 2015-12-11 11:44:21
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Everyday her friends comes to play with her for any hour or so, but once her friend leaves she gets very upset and sometimes even closes the door so that her friend doesnt leave and if some hoe she leaves she will again start the tantrums and shouting. how to handle this 2015-12-11 11:47:47
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Roma Kumar
This behaviour is quite common in kids her age. They are unable to handle separation. Keep talking to her when she is in a calm and happy mood. Let her know that friends will come and go. We can have fun and we can do so many other things too. Acknowledge that she hates it when friends leave home...its normal. It appears she likes to get a lot of attention....thats why its important to involve her in pleasurable activities and keep her mind occupied. I am sure she will learn and you as a parent will be more calm. Take care 2015-12-11 11:52:43
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Also there is lot of problems while having food ie. during lunch & dinner time. She doesnt want to eat the homemade food and even if we force her to eat she will take eternity to finish and also we have to sit along with her to ensure she finishes her food. Also if we force her much she will start her tantrums again. What the solution for that 2015-12-11 11:56:25
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Roma Kumar
The only easiest solution to this is to keep calm and not get agitated...no alternate foods during meal time. No entertainment during meal time. Do not force her to eat. Let her remain hungry but do not give her snacks instead...Meal time is meal time...she needs too sit and eat. Do not fill up her plate. give her less food to eat. 2015-12-11 11:59:00
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Dear Dr. My little one, Boy : 5y 8m, UKG Good in trying to read & writing (numbers & alphabets, Engl....

Dear Dr. My little one, Boy : 5y 8m, UKG Good in trying to read & writing (numbers & alphabets, English, kannada…..) Understanding concepts is an issue (ex., more or less, big & small, greater than less than)… How to help him out…? Even abacus was not a great help..!!

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hi 2015-12-11 12:01:25
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Roma Kumar
I think what your son needs is some amount of remedial education...probably he is having difficulty in phonetics and comprehending reading and written expression. All concepts need to be broken down and taught 2015-12-11 12:01:29
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thanks...!! Another issue is with speech, unable to clearly talk out his thoughts, Concentration is less, gets distracted soon 2015-12-11 12:02:06
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Roma Kumar
Maybe he has a different learning style. Exactly....I felt that language processing is an issue with him. You should definitely need to connect with a reading specialist or a special educator. 2015-12-11 12:03:25
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Well, normal reading is excellent...but interpretation is the issue.... 2015-12-11 12:04:16
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Roma Kumar
Yes...so he needs to undergo remediation. As he is not ready for age appropriate academic work. He needs extra work up with comprehension of written work or what he reads. 2015-12-11 12:05:38
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Alright..... Could you please lemme know of any help that i can get connected in Bangalore....? 2015-12-11 12:06:02
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Roma Kumar
There are many places in Bangalore for this. You could even connect with NIMHANS. Or your paediatrician will let you know. 2015-12-11 12:06:48
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Roma Kumar
He might have to undergo an academic achievement battery to understand his difficulties 2015-12-11 12:07:31
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is this quite common with kids & they recover too...???? 2015-12-11 12:08:09
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Roma Kumar
Sure this is quite common with kids his age. He does not have an illness or an ailment...so lets not talk of recovery. He is taking his time to understand academics. His prognosis will be good, provided you get him the appropriate help soon. Get his eyes and ears too checked up, especially due to language issues. 2015-12-11 12:10:12
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Sure.....Thanks for your time... Have a great day...! 2015-12-11 12:10:48
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Roma Kumar
You too. Take care and remain calm. 2015-12-11 12:11:05
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Hi, my daughter is going to be three soon. My issue is that she is very adamant about things be it e....

Hi, my daughter is going to be three soon. My issue is that she is very adamant about things be it eating, going to the playschool, coming back from the park...she is stubborn and if we don't give in she can cry for half an hour, till we don't agree to her.Please tell as to how to make her listen to us.

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Roma Kumar
Hi Shipra. Children in their growing years use their power to get their demands fulfilled. You as a parent need to understand that let the child cry for as long as she wants....she is only trying to resolve her own perceived conflict. Thats her way to problem solving...I understand that she has low frustration tolerance and she has a mind of her own. Only legitimate demands need to be fulfilled. Its not necessary that you look at her with a radar...some behaviours are best ignored. No negotiation on going to school...even if she cries she has to go to school...so tell her its her choice. Don't have too many arguments. 2015-12-11 12:15:04
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This goes on with everything. For school and other things we let her cry, but she does it for small things like not going to washroom, not changing clothes, not eating foods, she starts with 'no' for every sentence. 2015-12-11 12:17:30
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Roma Kumar
Try to ignore some of the areas. Let her know she has to change clothes...its upto her as she might miss on some thing else. Give her time...dont rush her into it. she can remain hungry if she doesn't want to eat...but she will get to eat only meal time food. Don't get after her or keep nagging her. Just let her be...children come around 2015-12-11 12:19:30
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I try to be calm and patient, ignore her crying many times but it becomes little too much at times. It's very frustrating to see your child cry almost all the times 2015-12-11 12:20:58
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Roma Kumar
Yes sure its frustrating...try to keep calm. Or else she will understand how to get your attention negatively. You are doing a great job Shipra.... 2015-12-11 12:22:05
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Thanks so much Dr. Roma 2015-12-11 12:22:26
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Hi Dr Roma, My son is not too fond of cartoons and TV and I am happy. But when he goes to school and....

Hi Dr Roma, My son is not too fond of cartoons and TV and I am happy. But when he goes to school and listens to other children talk about this cartoon or the other--he wants to know about them. I fear peer pressure here. If i give in, he will become addicted, denying him totally is not an option either.

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Roma Kumar
Nikita....dont think too much. Children talk about anything and everything when in peer group. There will be peer pressure too. Its normal for growth. Its not necessary he will be addicted to TV. Set limits for TV and any other gadgets. But deprivation is not the solution. 2015-12-11 12:24:18
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Thanks for your advise Dr Roma...what is a recommended TV watching time for a child of 4 years 2015-12-11 12:25:50
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Roma Kumar
Nothing more than an hour in 24 hours !!! You can split the time. This time is for all screens... Take care and have a great day. Happy Parenting.. 2015-12-11 12:26:47
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Thanks a ton Dr Roma...you have set my fears to rest. I know i am doing right for my child :) 2015-12-11 12:27:18
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My soon to be 3 years, has anger issues. If we don't give her what she wants she starts throwing thi....

My soon to be 3 years, has anger issues. If we don't give her what she wants she starts throwing things around her. If we try to calm her down she starts hitting and biting.There are lots of complaints from her school too, we have tried all what we could to handle this but I am not able to understand how should her calm her down

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Roma Kumar
Yes Ravi....am sure you are getting upset with this behaviour. All demands are not to be fulfilled. When she throws stuff...ask her to pick it...remain calm and patient. Hitting and biting is not allowed. Look her into the eyes and let her know that such behaviour is unacceptable. Talk to her and let her know that she is unhappy when her demands are not fulfilled. If she is unhappy she can talk about it rather than throwing, hitting or biting...do not hit her back. Its a power struggle. Who wins the battle in a battle-zone...do not argue when she is angry. Its normal to be angry. 2015-12-11 12:30:46
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Though I have tried to do whatever you are saying, maybe I need to be more patient with her. We have tried everything possible so maybe in the end we just get frustrated and angry 2015-12-11 12:32:24
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How do I channelize the anger 2015-12-11 12:32:45
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Roma Kumar
Be patient and consistent...thats the answer. Try not to show that your angry and frustrated...she will learn to pick on it. Take care. Happy Parenting. 2015-12-11 12:33:24
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My daughter is soon going to be 2..She is very nice and happy but sometimes she gets very obstinate....

My daughter is soon going to be 2..She is very nice and happy but sometimes she gets very obstinate and reacts very badly. Nowadays, she gets up early in the morning and roams about here and there. Also, she keeps on feeding on my breast milk as if she is addicted to it and eats less and that is why she is not growing properly. Please help me how to deal. Also, she does not speak properly according to her age..just single words and some are not even clear.

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Roma Kumar
Its upto you to stop her from breast feeding...its a habit. At this age breast milk has not much value. If you do not stop this she will not learn to eat. Such behaviour is for a small child...so earlier we break this pattern, better it is going to be for her growth. 2015-12-11 12:36:38
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Roma Kumar
Talk a lot with her and thats the way she will learn to communicate and use language. 2015-12-11 12:37:12
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ya she eats some...but not much..I hve started giving her a syrup for increasing her appetite so that if she is hungry she will automatically eat something and ask for food which she is doing 2015-12-11 12:37:57
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am a little relaxed with that... 2015-12-11 12:38:06
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what about her sleeping patterns..she gets up early at 4 or 5 in the morning and roams about here and there..and then after one or two hours she sleeps..is that normal. 2015-12-11 12:38:53
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Roma Kumar
too much breast milk or milk at this age leads to low haemoglobin 2015-12-11 12:38:59
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ya dats y she is weak..doctor has given her iron syrup also because she had a breathholding spell last month when she fell and got stiff in her hands and body and then fainted also for about half a minute 2015-12-11 12:39:44
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Roma Kumar
When she wakes up early morning, lights should not be switched on...she has to lie in bed. She should not look for entertainment. 2015-12-11 12:39:57
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i try to change her food giving her new things..such as giving her methi parantha nowadays or green vegetable stuffed parantha.. 2015-12-11 12:40:16
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Roma Kumar
ok.involve her in various activities through the day 2015-12-11 12:40:25
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actually me and my husband work from home in night shift..dats how she gets up and I cant avoid that.. 2015-12-11 12:40:45
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Roma Kumar
Well....thats the answer... she sees you up and she is aping that behaviour Put her to sleep in another room 2015-12-11 12:41:29
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she keeps on taking off her socks and shoes and has caught cold also for the past one week, is coughing..we try to make her understand but then she does not listen,,so we have to give her a slap or two..is that right or not..coz am feeling she will become obstinate coz of that..but there is no other way..she is way too active..never sits and eats less is therefore weak..she is 10 kg..is that okay?? 2015-12-11 12:42:15
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how to make her understand...we have to be strict or with love?? 2015-12-11 12:42:39
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Roma Kumar
STOP hitting her...thats not the solution. Maybe she is uncomfortable in her socks and shoes...its normal. Don't get after her for trivial things. Be firm and enjoy parenting 2015-12-11 12:43:54
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okay but she is catching cold then..should we leave..if she should get ill..get her injection or something.. 2015-12-11 12:44:33
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okay..that s really helpful.. 2015-12-11 12:44:52
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Roma Kumar
I think you need to speak with your paediatrician. Take care 2015-12-11 12:45:17
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oh..okay..will talk...thanx a lot.. 2015-12-11 12:45:33
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My 2 and half year old son throws a lot of tantrums, specially in public and in front of his grand p....

My 2 and half year old son throws a lot of tantrums, specially in public and in front of his grand parents. Both of us are working and he usually stays with with his grandparents who don't say No to him and listen to all his demands. Now the issue is that he takes advantage of this situation and expects us to give in as well. Please help

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Roma Kumar
Yes true...There is erratic and inconsistent discipline. So such a situation arises. I think you should calmly speak to his grandparents and explain the urgency and importance of discipline. Stop getting embarrassed when in a social set up with his behaviours. 2015-12-11 12:50:01
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We have tried talking to grandparents, it is very difficult to make them understand. Is there a way we can work out with the kid 2015-12-11 12:51:10
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Roma Kumar
Children are smart. So when you handle him, be firm, do not give in to his demands even if he is crying. Fulfil only legitimate demands. Dont get worked up with his tantrums, or his crying. 2015-12-11 12:52:22
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Ok thank you for giving me direction. This will help a lot 2015-12-11 12:52:48
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Roma Kumar
Happy Parenting 2015-12-11 12:52:57
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My Daughter is 6y 4m old and she always tries to copy the way what other children do How to avoid th....

My Daughter is 6y 4m old and she always tries to copy the way what other children do How to avoid this? How to teach her to do the things how she feels it?

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Roma Kumar
Its not essential not to copy. That the way children learn. You don't have to stop her so directly....instead let her know that her own feelings and desires are good too. Give her confidence in herself. Enhance her abilities with some responsible behaviours. 2015-12-11 12:54:42
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Thanks for the advice .... how to advice her, if anything she does wrong.. she wont listen that easily 2015-12-11 12:56:21
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Roma Kumar
Let her know the consequences. Children will learn from making mistakes. 2015-12-11 12:57:20
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Always she wants new things.. like new book or new pencil to write.. she dont use which she has @home.. how to teach her to use the things which she has @home instead of buying new one 2015-12-11 12:57:40
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Roma Kumar
She will get new stuff with money and money from parents/caregivers...stop doing that. Do not give in to her demands if you don't feel thats right. 2015-12-11 12:58:39
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Thanks for the advice 2015-12-11 12:59:16
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Roma Kumar
Happy Parenting 2015-12-11 12:59:26
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Hi Doctor Roma My 2 years 3 months old son gets cranky very soon and we are not able to find what i....

Hi Doctor Roma My 2 years 3 months old son gets cranky very soon and we are not able to find what is the reason. he keeps on the crying and wants to say something which he is not able to express. he talks little but not able to express can you help us out.

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Roma Kumar
Children at this age do throw temper tantrums and crying is their best expression when in conflict or when they don't have a solution.. 2015-12-11 13:00:39
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Roma Kumar
Do not get upset with crying behaviours. 2015-12-11 13:01:04
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My son is 7 years old. He gets angry frequently. Although now he understands when we answer but he g....

My son is 7 years old. He gets angry frequently. Although now he understands when we answer but he gets upset and angry too instantly and frequently when you don't agree to his terms or on petty issues. How to cool down his anger?? Also, he is obsessed in his own thoughts even in school so that he misses completing his class work. How to increase his concentration while studying? ?

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Roma Kumar
Anger in all of us is normal. Its a form of expression. 2015-12-11 13:02:57
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Otherwise he is a very affectionate and loving child 2015-12-11 13:03:12
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Roma Kumar
You can acknowledge his anger and ask him to calm down and then address his questions or concerns. 2015-12-11 13:03:28
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And what about his getting lost in his thoughts while in xlass 2015-12-11 13:04:08
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Roma Kumar
Children his age can concentrate for 20-25 odd minutes and then need to back after 5-7 minutes. 2015-12-11 13:04:18
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His head is in lot of things while doing it 2015-12-11 13:05:13
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Roma Kumar
We have to help him to be back in class or else he misses out on so much. Ask him what can help him to be back. How can he be prompted from within himself? put him the question. 2015-12-11 13:05:26
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Okay Thanks Dr Roma 2015-12-11 13:05:58
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Roma Kumar
Take care. Happy Parenting 2015-12-11 13:06:09

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