'Believe in yourself as a mother'
Created by Parentune Support Updated on Sep 14, 2015
Amrita Arora, a full-time mum and a superhero to her sons Azaan and Rayaan, feels that motherhood is an experience, very personal and individual to everyone. What works for her? Following her intuition when it comes to handling her own children.
Handling two boys can prove to be handful but wonderful at the same time
Actually, having two boys makes you a superhero of sorts and you start feeling like a boy too. I think, I have forgotten all about being girly. It is more of a push-pull, things-here-and-there routine in my house. I am blessed to have some good help which makes it a lot easier for me to deal with them. And, I guess each and every child goes through a phase when they become very naughty and may be difficult to handle, but then they calm down as they grow older too. My older son, Azaan who is 5 ½ years, is in a good phase where he listens to me and follows instructions but my little one, Rayaan who is still three years, is a handful. So, yes, it is chaotic but then it does not last too long. You just have to go with the flow and enjoy it.
Right now they are too young to be taught about values. It’s all about disciplining them, telling them what is right and wrong, and simpler things like sharing and respecting your elders. Both me and my husband, Shakeel Ladak, have decided to be open minded with them, be it about religion or people. What I think they need to understand at this point of time is security--they need to feel assured that their parents will always be by their side, no matter what. They also need to know that if they will be naughty, then certain things or small pleasures can be taken away from them as a timeout. And if they behave well, they will be rewarded also. So, this balance is what helps me keep them on the right track.
With emerging technology and changing times we cannot restrict our children from using gadgets. But that does not mean you give it to them 24/7. These days children are exposed to technology, from everywhere. Your child may not be handling a smartphone or a tablet, but the one sitting next to him possibly has one. They are watching it and know what it is. So, you can’t deny it to them. But I believe in setting certain guidelines. Do it at a good measure; always ensure you know what they are doing. What works for me is letting them know that they can have it on certain days and it’s like earning brownie points. If they are good, then I let my children play on the tablet or the phone for sometime or for an hour on a weekend. But it’s not like they have their eyes stuck to it all the time. I make it a point to ensure that they are into some other activity as well.
I am a complete stay-at-home mum and am thoroughly enjoying motherhood. It’s a different ball game, a different life altogether– you have to throw yourself into it totally. My children came in quick succession and I wanted to dedicate all my time and attention to them and I didn’t want to leave any stone unturned and then think later that “oh I wish I would have done that when they were little”…but, yes, getting back to work is also on the agenda.
In my life, my children need me throughout the day, and at night I step out of home after they are tucked comfortably in their beds. Thought processes are different with each parent according to the circumstances. I wanted to spend enough time with my children, see them grow, and enjoy this phase with them. A lot of their friends’ mothers are also working. So Azaan, does ask me, “Why don’t you sit in the office, the way papa does?” And I tell him that eventually I will. I don’t know what line of work will I pick up, but yes I do want to get out and do something. But that’s for later.
Motherhood is an individual thing
Keep doing things for your children without feeling any pressure of what other parents are doing. Because, if you keep looking over your shoulder thinking “Oh that child does something better than my child,” you will never be able to cope up. Parenthood or motherhood is a very personal thing. So no one else can give you advice about what you can do and cannot do for your child. I know I can always turn to my mum, or my sister, Malaika, or my friends for any advice, but at the end of the day, it’s between what I and my intuition feel and the kind of connection that I share with my children. I don’t get influenced or try to do what the next person is doing. You have to do what you think is right for your children.