Parenting

Do you use ‘no’ too often with your child?

Jasmeet Kaur Deep
1 to 3 years

Created by Jasmeet Kaur Deep
Updated on Mar 08, 2017

Do you use no too often with your child

Here’s some food for thought!

Think about it—how many times do you say a no to your child versus saying a yes?

YES... yes is not just a word it is a feeling. It creates a sense of positivity and affirmation in the person saying it as well as the person receiving it. Most of the times when you receive a yes as a response, it makes you happy. Imagine creating that positive, affirmative and happy feeling in your child so that it stays with him forever.

As a child grows from a new born to a toddler ‘NO’ becomes a parent's favorite word and most parents continue to use it for quite a long time to come. "Hey, don't touch that"; "what are you doing"; "please don't do this"; "don't go there" ; "don't walk so fast" ; "don't put that in your mouth"; "don't bend "; "don't lean"; "don't go there" ; "don't eat that";  "don't mess the place"; "No running", " no going out";  "no playing";  " no jumping" No!!! No!!! No!!! becomes a part of parents vocabulary and a part of the child’s environment.

Now, imagine you being constantly told no for everything you want to do…'no' by your boss, by your partner, by your parents….always a no....aaahhh!! It is annoying.. Isn't it? Then,  why do that to a child? Why take him away from being affirmative in life?

Why should I avoid saying a no?

The more you use the word NO the lower the self esteem of the child gets. He will feel less confident about himself and his actions. Every time you say no, you lower the enthusiasm of your child to learn and explore his surroundings. In due course of time, your child may just not take any initiative because of the fear of rejection. Also, sometimes, the child may end up becoming rebellious.

 'No' parents make 'No' children.

 A close friend of mine complained that my daughter says a no for everything I say, whether it is to greet someone or to pick her toys from the living room. The reason is simple: she has adopted what she heard since her younger days. It is you who started saying a no for everything then, why blame her? In the school where I used to teach, I observed that a teacher who used the word ‘no’ too often would de-sensitize her students towards the word. It does not hold any meaning for them any longer.

How can I become a ‘yes’ parent?

Is it really possible to say a yes for everything? Would I not spoil my child that way? Am I supposed to say yes when my child asks for ice cream and has a runny nose? While I urge you to become a yes parent, I do not advocate you fulfilling every demand of your child. This has its own repercussions. I do not say allow your child to play with fire or a knife. The trick here is to say a no without creating negative emotions.

What are the alternatives to saying a ‘No?

  1. Diversion of attention:  One method which is likely to work well is diversion of attention. So if your child is banging the table or flinging things around, instead of constantly asking him not to do it, divert his attention towards something else. Pick him up and take him to some other place.  Or hand over some toys for him to play with or assign some responsibility.
  2. Allow the child to experience: If your toddler insists on having a fork or knife to play with, allow him to experience the damages it can cause, but under your supervision. Explain to him why you do not want him to play with it.
  3. Postpone the desire: This technique can work with older children. Toddlers usually do not comprehend time in its true sense. But under any circumstances avoid making false promises. Listen to the desire attentively and discuss it creatively.
  4. No desire is unreasonable: What if your will was considered unimportant and insignificant. Why make the child believe what he wants is of no concern to his parents? Listen to what he wants, discuss it, ask him what his plans are. From there you can probably create a story and have a healthy conversation with your child instead of simply saying you can’t have what you want.

Handling a tantrum/misbehavior

One thing parents and teachers must avoid is humiliating the child in public. I observed a significant change in one of my students since I started talking to him privately. I would take him out of the classroom or have a moment with him alone and explain instead of saying anything in front of the entire class. So in case your child is throwing a tantrum make sure you take your child in a corner or another room and talk about what he wants. Hug him tight and tell him why the behavior is not accepted. In case you have to say a No, do it but while explaining the reason to your child. Reasoning is a must. Use terms like all right, alright, very well, of course, by all means, sure, certainly, absolutely, indeed, agreed more often.

Remember the onus of a positive child is on positive parenting.

 

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| Jun 01, 2017

thanks... I was looking for this kind of suggestions.. very useful for me....

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| Jun 01, 2017

so true we get in a habit of saying NO so often.

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| Apr 26, 2017

thank you. this is very important suggestion.

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| Mar 31, 2017

thank u so much ...ds is very useful for me .

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| Mar 30, 2017

thank you so much

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| Mar 22, 2017

thank u so much for ur valuable feeds

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| Mar 22, 2017

Thank you so much

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| Mar 21, 2017

very important message,vl surely act accordingly.

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| Mar 21, 2017

very much informative and thanks

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| Mar 21, 2017

very informative ...would definitely try it

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| Mar 21, 2017

jijajkkkàuiap .happy

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| Mar 20, 2017

Very constructive, positive and valued.

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| Mar 19, 2017

that's correct... positive parenting is a must to build up positivity in child

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| Mar 18, 2017

nice

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| Mar 17, 2017

very nice written

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| Mar 15, 2017

Very well explained thnx alot

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| Mar 15, 2017

nice n very true. n for my 9 month baby I used to say very good so dat he excited n happy .

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| Mar 13, 2017

hey.... really nicely explained... tysm

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| Mar 13, 2017

thnku so much such a nice article

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| Mar 13, 2017

really a good article n I am going to use it ....love it

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| Mar 10, 2017

Thanks for making me realize that I too was a NO parent.... but No more...

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| Mar 08, 2017

Thanks for sharing.

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| Mar 08, 2017

Good points to follow with the toddler. .. even i too sometimes uses this negative word. Thanks for sharing.

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| Mar 08, 2017

Really a notable one.. often no makes them feel discomfort in doing things also with ours...

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| Feb 05, 2017

Hgfdfgfdghhx

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| Jan 12, 2017

hey ..im a mum of 16 months old twins . curious like any other kid their age... n i find myself yelling 'No' 'Dont touch' Dont go there' all day long. my kids hv even started mimicking me. they are too little understand the reasons. m afraid they ll become stubborn as they grow up... hw do i handle them

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| Dec 07, 2016

Thanku so mch.. realy workd out.

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| Nov 28, 2016

Really good

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| Nov 17, 2016

My child is 1. 5 yrs old. He is very stubborn child. when ever I say no to something he started shouting and throw things here and there. what should I do?He is too small to understand my reasons.

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| Nov 07, 2016

Very nice it's so helpful for their development!!!!!!!thnk u

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| Nov 05, 2016

very helpfull

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| Oct 20, 2016

thank a lot its such a helpful blog ......we never knew that "NO" word impact in a negative way.. will use this for my lovely daughter

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| Sep 22, 2016

thnk u... very helpful

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| Sep 18, 2016

well I find hard to explain two year old child, why you don't have to do this.. pls give some more information regarding small children.. how to handle notorious one , because it is some time very hard to handle them at this stage...

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| Sep 17, 2016

thanks. its really very nice

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| Sep 17, 2016

its really a helpful blog i hv ever read .thanx a lot .i vill try it to my dearest daughter.

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| Sep 16, 2016

thanx jasmeet really a nice blog

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| Sep 16, 2016

thank u for valuable suggestions

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| Sep 16, 2016

can closely relate it to myself.. thanks for the valuable suggestion... :)

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| Sep 11, 2016

My son 3. 5 yr old now... whenever we go out anywhere he insists to pick him up all the time.... I can't carry him and walk for much longer time now as he is 14 mgs... He knows that I don't carry him... so he insists his father ....and he says no starts crying or sits on roads.... what should I do

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| Sep 01, 2016

Hi This is one of the finest blogs I have read so far. I think you have knocked it with your pointers. I am a mum and i have been using the 'yes' techniques but not consiously! Reading your blog made me realise that this should be blended down in our habbit to make it more regular. Thank you for the gentle tap!

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| Aug 20, 2016

Eye opener... Will definitely follow ur advice.. Thank u dear..

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| Aug 19, 2016

nice

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| Aug 18, 2016

yah.... you are right. there us never a wrong time to do right things...... if anybody is habitual to say no ....plz.......let start to..... say..... for your better bright

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| Aug 18, 2016

very nice

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| Aug 18, 2016

very nicely explained...

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| Jul 29, 2016

Y req @www the +l))

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| Jul 29, 2016

nicely explained.. you have me some courage that how can I teach my toddler with different metho. thanks

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| Jul 29, 2016

Nice message

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| Jul 29, 2016

very nice blog.. the second word that my son had learn to speak was"no" ☺☺

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| Jul 29, 2016

very good blog

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| Jul 26, 2016

this blog contains very good explanation about how to treat babies positively in any situation.

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| Jul 26, 2016

Very nice information

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| Jul 21, 2016

useful information... thanku for d article.

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| Jul 21, 2016

very useful thanku so much

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| Jul 20, 2016

Thank you very much . am one of no parent now onwards i will change from no to yes

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| Jul 20, 2016

very nice article, thanks for the information.. it will help me alot on my child growth..

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| Jul 19, 2016

very helpful ....thanku

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| Jul 19, 2016

Very nice article

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| Jul 14, 2016

nice thinking

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| Jul 10, 2016

Tips from this blog for Positive parenting to my Baby shona !

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| Jul 08, 2016

true... thanks for sharing nice thoughts....

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| Jul 06, 2016

so helpful.... tk u

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| Jul 04, 2016

nice

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| Jul 03, 2016

good one.

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| Jul 03, 2016

thank u so much its really very helpfull

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| Jul 03, 2016

thank you so much... I did this too ...I will change my approach from now on

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| Jul 02, 2016

thank you so much... even I use no very often

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| Jul 02, 2016

beautifully written very helpful thanks a lot

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| Jul 02, 2016

thanks its really very nice n very helpfull.....

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| Jul 02, 2016

Thank you it's very helpful

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| Jun 30, 2016

thank u so much for very important thing ..

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| Jun 29, 2016

Thank you. This will really help my son n me

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| Jun 27, 2016

Interesting n very helpful

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| Jun 23, 2016

Very true n very helpful blog... really thanks

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| Jun 21, 2016

my kid is 1. 4yrs old I can't give him reasoning ..how do I avoid using no . when he puts everything in his mouth ?

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| Jun 16, 2016

dis helped me a lot

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| Jun 16, 2016

very excellent write up

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| Jun 15, 2016

Very helpful

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| Jun 13, 2016

it's actly vry informative blog as well as useful too.. thank alot for sharing..

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| Jun 13, 2016

yes it is very helpful

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| Jun 11, 2016

very useful for me

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| Jun 09, 2016

very informative blog... really very helpful

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| Jun 08, 2016

useful info... my son too says No for everything.. now I understand tat its me who taught him... surely I will change mine n hope he too will change soon.

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| Jun 06, 2016

Thank you for sharing this. It is very useful info. As in I m facing the same problem. my son usually says no for each nd every thing I ask him to do. will start frm nw avoid saying no.

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| Jun 03, 2016

Hiii, its really a useful information. Thanku for sharing ur experience.

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| May 29, 2016

thanks alot fr sharng ds.... really infrmative fr me being mom f naughty toddler,

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| May 20, 2016

Really it's so true.... we should not use No

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| May 20, 2016

Thnx for sharing will definitely do dat for my daughter

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| May 14, 2016

so true. thank you so much.

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| May 12, 2016

I tried for my son.. its really work Thanx a lot for sharing this post..

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| May 10, 2016

Really helpful. Thanks for sharing

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| May 09, 2016

its realy true.. v should avoid 'no'

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| May 05, 2016

It's good input... And it works also.. Saying OK, Yes or diverting to other stuffs, helps in child's psychological development...... More you interact with your child, more good response you will see. Regards Supriya

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| May 04, 2016

i do this all the time and all the tips exactly in the same order, but i get a comment at home saying am spoiling my son by not saying NO

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| May 02, 2016

Thank you very much for this article.

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| May 02, 2016

Thank you very for article.

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| May 01, 2016

@Komal, what are your suggestions then Komal?

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| Apr 30, 2016

No the suggestions are not good

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| Apr 29, 2016

very well said. I want to try this with my son, who always say 'no'

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| Apr 29, 2016

Interesting blog... Very well said.. !!

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| Apr 29, 2016

i like this... thnx a lot to u...... and would try to follow completely. my baby is 14mnth old... and i do often say no to him. thnx to u.... i will control myself nd be a positive mother

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| Apr 29, 2016

Very interesting blog....

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| Apr 29, 2016

Well said

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| Apr 29, 2016

Very well said....

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| Apr 29, 2016

Quite an interesting blog on positive parenting. A must read for all the moms.

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