Parenting

How strict should you be with your child?

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Created by Parentune Support
Updated on May 12, 2015

How strict should you be with your child

There has always been this debate around parenting, whether one should be calm and friendly about it, or strict. Ask a distraught mother who is unable to understand why her child is underperforming at school and ends up reprimanding him by either yelling or probably hitting in the heat of the momentmaking herself party to being judged as a bad parent. To add to her guilt, there are a gazillion articles stating why you should never hit or scold your child as that can instil fearand rebellion in her. Sometimes and in certain instances, strictness is the only way out. But then, how strict can you get with your child?Perhaps, we can talk about altering the strictness quotient and toeing the fine line between being a parent-parent and a friend-parent. Here are a few suggestions: 

1) Don’t deprive your child of mild pleasures: For instance, having an ice cream or a chocolate is not bad unless it leads to a sickness in the child. Also, show your child some visuals on what happens with over consumption of chocolate/or take him to a doctor who can explain it to him. Help the child understand moderation and excess, and that anything in excess is bad.
2) But Then Do not give in to every demand of your child: Expectations if not fulfilled may create a sense of grudge in the child. If a child asks for something and you feel, it is not required, share an easy to understand explanation with your child. Talk to your child like an adult.
3) When you mean a no, be firm: Sometimes, a child may throw a tantrum for no reason. And the crying and wailing that follows may not stop until you add a pinch of firmness to your tone. Look into your child’s eyes and assert a clear NO.
4) Make TV an ally: TV is a nuisance. TV is an idiot box. TV is a bane. May be, or may be not completely. Now, here is to what I believe: TV is educative. TV is a stress buster. And that is, if as an adult you can exercise some control on the time duration and the content. I have never told my son, “Don’t watch TV.” However, I tell him how too much of TV watching,non-stop, can affect his eyes. I encourage him to watch his favorite shows on Nat Geo and Discovery. And, I realized that TV watching can be transformed into a learning experience depending on what you show to your children and by defining a specified time duration.
5) Reason with children: Have you ever observed how a ‘don’t’ or, a ‘don’t dare to’ or, a ‘Never’ tempts a child to impulsively disobey. For instance, my son has a sweet tooth and loves biscuits. When I used the words like ‘don’t’ and ‘never’, I realized that he would impulsively want them more. Perhaps, forbidden fruit is always tempting! Perhaps, a child likes to assert himself in face of a tie with an adult. So instead of saying “Do not eat too many biscuits or your tummy will ache”, I rephrased the sentence as “If you eat too many biscuits, your tummy is going to ache and you will also have bad breath. Now, do you want your tummy to ache and have a bad breath?” That was enough to help him understand the why. It works most of the times.
6)Inculcate discipline: Routine formation at a tender age is a blessing for the parent and the child. To help a child into a routine happens only with a blend of subtle and strict parenting. Sometimes, the strictness quotient ought to be raised when the child takes your efforts for granted. I have grown in a household where my mother was extremely strict about a routine in my younger days. Those days, I rebelled a lot (though I always ended up doing what she said, eventually). Today, I thank her for having been strict with me. Discipline and good habits are life long virtues. So, even if they require a little bit of a firmness, pursue it for the betterment of your child. Say, like early to bed and early to rise, eating healthy and to be proactive on the academic and extra-curricular front on a regular basis and so on.
Now coming back to the question: How strict you need to be with your child? As a parent, you are the best judge. While inputs from others can guide you, you may also end up being a confused parent! No two children are the same and so every parenting style needs to be unique! Believe in your abilities as a parent and in your child! It will not be a cake walk but it will definitely give you a perspective :)

 

Happy Parenting!

 

 

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| Jul 05, 2018

my daughter dont want to go school . Daily morning having tantrum she is 7 yrs old

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| Jul 05, 2018

beautiful article, thank u dear!

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| Oct 29, 2017

thanks for the blog very interesting and informative

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| Sep 21, 2017

Ty so much... i think dis gonna work 100 percent...

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| Sep 21, 2017

Ty so much... i think dis gonna work 100 percent...

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| Jan 17, 2017

As kids grow,the definition of discipline changes. my 5 yr old was the most disciplined child ever. Now she questions the rules I make for her,so I try to involve her in making rules. But kids r too smart. I realise later that she actually manipulates me. I still think she's that innocent child but kids outgrow V fast. So parents...... Gear up!!Don't feel guilty,after all u r the best judge for ur kids.

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| Sep 01, 2016

Well said , but my children grown up I can't explain them they r shoutingnlike anything ,if i said anything against to dem Like dis completely 2 days dey don't talk to me ,in front of der father they won't open mouth ,when he went out they start tourtaring me like he'll fed up fed up fed up better I became defand dum:(

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| Feb 18, 2016

My son is 1 year old. He does throw tantrums when he wants something. At this age, how will explaination work ...he might not get the point or causes of wrong doing. How do i address such situation?

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| Nov 23, 2015

Vishal Kamble. Be that person you want to your kid to be and you will never get a situation where you need to argue with your parents on pampering. I think we can allow a bit of pampering from grandparents as that would bring sweet memories for them but yes, there should be a limit and we need to develop the intelligence in the kid so that they themself will adhere to a disciplined lifestyle.

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| Nov 23, 2015

More than teaching or advicing it will be best effective if we ourself start having those discipline in our life. This way we lead them to a good life. As kids they are like fire, which can burn a house to dust or help to boil the vegetables we eat. It is our responsibility to feed them accordingly. For example, if you want your kid to pray everyday, we should start doing it so that they themself will follow it without a mention of it.

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| Aug 22, 2015

I have 9 years old daughter. Most of the times when I go to correct her in her wrong doings she is been pampered by her grand parents and if I try to explain my parents they keep arguing with me which turns into a fight and in differences My parents instead of correcting the child they tell her that her i use to trouble my parents as she did... I need a way around on this as I want my child to learn some good things.

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| Aug 22, 2015

I have a 9 years old daughter. Most of the times when I go to correct her in her wrong doings

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| Aug 21, 2015

Hi. Dear tina agarwal , I think you should consult your kid's doctor .Some times kids don't like eating because they might be undergoing some stomach upset .They dont even feel hungry. Your son is too young to speak about it. My neighbor's kid had the same problem . But after taking the medication, he is doing good and having his regular food also ..

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| Jul 20, 2015

Hitting and shouting help for a moment but physical violence never help in long run. It will give negative feedback. Define some rules and adhere to it firmly. Be clear when you say ' yes' and ' no'. Check yourself that for every time for the same condition you apply same rule. Take time for family meals and leisure time

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| Jul 16, 2015

Hi my son is 3years old he is very understanding but when its come for mobile phone or a tablet he dont leave it at all unless an until we shout or hit him.. pls help on this matter.

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| Jul 15, 2015

I don't really agree with all that is stated here... it doesnt seem very consistent, even if you apply all these, i doubt you will reap the benefits you expect... I would suggest anyone who wants to rethink their parental values to read about POSITIVE DISCIPLINE, written by Jane Nelsen. It's a real eye opener on parent's responsibilities towards their children and how they behave.

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| Jul 06, 2015

My daughter is 7 years old now n she is become aggressive in the way she talks to others, always crying for what she wants n getting angry very soon.... Seeing her behaviour I too scream on her n don't know how to handle her.... Pls advise

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| Jul 05, 2015

my 2. 5 year old gets hit everyday by a same age girl in her play school. they both play together and my daughter likes her a lot but this girl hits her everyday - sometimes a swelling or sometimes a small injury. how to tackle this, please advise.

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| Jul 04, 2015

My son is 16 years old and I know he lies me about his activities and I think he has crus in a girl for which he is not doing his studies properly. Plz suggest a way out

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| Jul 01, 2015

My child is 2. 5 yrs old. He does not want to eat. Only drink milk. When we disagge to him he though toys. I am working ao he stays with mother in law. She is not strict. When i com back frm office i don like to be strict as i get few hrs with him. Feel so helpless. he has just now started going to playgroup. But he does not eat the as well. Can u suggest something?

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| Jun 30, 2015

Well written. My three and a half year old daughter is a happy child mostly. However, in case she falls accidentally or is angry at someone else, or is generally upset with something that is not even remotely concerned with me, all her anger gets directed to me. I don't know how to handle her unwarranted anger at me. I try to sit her down and explain, but more often than not, the behaviour is repeated. Help!

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| Jun 30, 2015

divyaganesh my son is 5. 5 years age he learns in school everything but in home he wont and he behaves rudely and responds us very harsly sometimes so give suggessions wht to do

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| Jun 30, 2015

Hi this is bindu, My child age 8. now a days has become very cranky. he just wants all his needs to be fulfilled. I understand he knows the difference between costly n affordable. But some times may be a book or choice of hotel. Most of all he doesn't talk to me about his school or frns. I really need help on this .

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| Jun 29, 2015

Hi, I am a working mother.. I have a 11 year old son.... Last year we shifted to a new location.. previously I used to say with my in laws. Now it becomes a nuclear family .My son did not score good marks in exam as he was not willing to study at all. Now a days he realizes that he should study otherwise to stay in school becomes very difficult or he might be loosing some good friends. Now the problem is that in school he has friend who is not only a bad student but he does all kinds of naughty things. My son his one and only companion in whole class. They got marked. My son tries to avoid him but he could not do so as they are childhood friends. He wants to avoid him without hurting him. What should we do as a parents?

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| Jun 29, 2015

Hi, I am a working mother.. I have a 11 year old son.... Last year we shifted to a new location.. previously I used to say with my in laws. Now it becomes a nuclear family .My son did not score good marks in exam as he was not willing to study at all. Now a days he realizes that he should study otherwise to stay in school becomes very difficult or he might be loosing some good friends. Now the problem is that in school he has friend who is not only a bad student but he does all kinds of naughty things. My son his one and only companion in whole class. They got marked. My son tries to avoid him but he could not do so as they are childhood friends. He wants to avoid him without hurting him. What should we do as a parents?

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| Jun 27, 2015

Hii i have a baby girl of 5 years. plz help me b' coz she do not want to eat chapati at dinner nd lunch time. she used to keep it in her mouth for a very long time. nd not finished her meal

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| Jun 11, 2015

Dear Dhanya First and foremost getur sons ears checked. If they r fine than Istead of calling him frm distance go near him and speak. He may be in his fantasy world which is normal at this age. Sit with him talk to him find out what he likes and revolve ur stories around that. Teasing is a negative behaviour. May be he feels that younger one is getting more attention also developing siblings jealousy.

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| Jun 07, 2015

Hello this is swapna I have a 8 years old daughter she is clever but sometimes she behaves very childishly..... still she tries to do something very foolishly like she plays with water,telecoms all kind of messie things to do ..........jst wanted to know is this normal at this age or not.......

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| Jun 06, 2015

I too have the same prb like sonia lack of voncentration or we can say lack of interest while eating n studying pls suggest some solution to overcome this

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| Jun 05, 2015

My son is 9 yrs old.. he jas become so stubborn.. and aggressive these days.. that I m loosing my patience.. which results in yelling.. hitting him... but I dont want to do this to him.. so pls suggest me wht to do...

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| Jun 01, 2015

My son is seven. He doesn't even respond to me wgen I call him. He is not bothered about what I tell him. He is always in his own world. Now the biggest pleasure is in taunting his younger sis, who is 4yrs old. How much ever I make him understand, he doesn't pay attention.

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| May 29, 2015

hi Milind Tokare - among the international channels, most of them mention the age appropriate content with signs like "U", "U/A", for children, "A" and so on, but in India, there is a dirth of such age appropriate label for content. It's hence important that you choose the programs personally. One simple way of doing that is to avoid anything which has "violence", "bad language/slangs", or "content which is apt for the watching of adults" like the daily soaps and so on. Like I always avoid chota bheem, shinchan, oggy and cockroach etc, and prefer to get chosen few cartoons which are edutaining by nature like "MAD", "Bob the builder" and so on.

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| May 29, 2015

Restricted* Garden*

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| May 29, 2015

My son shreyan is 9 yrs .which T. v channels will i allow him to watch for his gvn tymings n how do i guide him to watch good channels. can i allow him to watch his cartoon channels with redtricted days and if yess which will be good now for his age. plzz help. And also he hishaving lot off intrest in mobile games Though in the evening he gi in the harden to. play.

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| May 29, 2015

I have a 4 yr old son. He lacks concentration. Specially while eating and studying. I always need to remind him after evry 2 minutes to eat or to write. He takes a lot of time to finish his meals that has irritated evry family member. I don't feel good when evry1 in the family keeps on shouting on him.

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| May 28, 2015

Even I agree to be firm with the children while using the word NO.. Coz its directly affects on a child mind.. we should be carefull before saying No to them.

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| May 26, 2015

Hi tina agarwal You may find this blog helpful- https://www.parentune.com/parent-blog/handling-aggression-in-children/198

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| May 26, 2015

I have a 2 year old son who has become very agressive and hits me if I don't give into his demands. He still doesn't eat anything, not even fruits or biscuits or any other kind of snacks. He just wants to have milk. Neither is he interested in toys or any other outdoor activities. Please help.

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| May 15, 2015

My daughter is 3 yrs 8months old,I have inculcated some basic habits in her like washing hands before eating or coming from outside,and many such things,but nowadays I can see she has become very stubborn,and shouts if she is not allowed to do something.

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| May 13, 2015

nothing works with children nowadays.. we were much more disciplined.

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| May 13, 2015

i think now along with our work schedules we also want to somewhat schedule their life. we become too strict at times to just be ensure they read , write , learn ,do participate on extracurrics. too much pressure on kids. Great blog to remind us that we should deprive them form small small pleasures every day :)

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| May 13, 2015

Hi Alka T , I understand your concern. Maybe you can try changing the timings for your daughter to go out and play. Engage her in some other activity so that she doesn't mingle with the "bossy" older girl. Initially, she may be very upset about it and reluctant to accept the same, but eventually, it will help. You can her understand the same, with patience. I had somewhat the same situation with my son, it helped me .

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| May 13, 2015

I have a 6 year old daughter. Off late she has been spending a lot of time with another girl who is about one and half years older to her. I have been noticing some behavioural changes in my daughter. She has become very selfish. This older girl is very dominating. Most children in our society do not play with her. Even if someone does she bosses Them. I do not know how to tackle the situation. Since there is one play area in the open , all children play there. Please help me

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| May 12, 2015

Hi teja You may refer to this blog- https://www.parentune.com/parent-blog/handling-aggression-in-children/198

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| May 12, 2015

My son has become so aggressive these days. he is three now and always wants other children under his control. what do I do?I am losing patience and yelling and hitting him. please suugest a way

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