My Role in Tackling the Three Ts (Temper,Tantrum and Tears)
Created by Parentune Support Updated on Jul 21, 2020
Before jotting down anything, my primary belief is that every child is unique and no child is a prototype of the other. Therefore each one has its own individual ways and each one needs a customised tackling
The very basic move which I did was to know my child and understand him keeping in mind his individuality. He still has tantrums as he falls into a category where temper and tantrums are constant. Initially I would rack my brains into it and brood over it the whole day. Rather than fretting, getting tensed and worked up, I stopped thinking and simply took to knowing my child, observing him, and coming to know him inside out. Another thing which I still do is STOP GOING BY WHAT OTHERS THINK.
Here are something that worked for me:
1) I just keep talking to him about anything just to give a feel that he has a listener; a friend.
2) I stopped using NO’S and DONTS. More the no’s and dont’s, more the rebel, I figured. This was definitely after he turned three. Before that I simplified my language with him. I always put consequences in a general way while talking. I use examples like- You enjoying television? Good it makes you happy, but the impact of its light cause harm to the vision which can lead to specs like your mom and then gave examples of little children wearing specs whom he knows.
3) Often in a gathering the child might be overwhelmed or over stimulated which might lead to an unpleasant situation. I stopped getting embarrassed neither do I try and pacify the situation, which is going to be a slow poison for me.
Recently he has been obsessed with Lion King story and has found out that the toy figurines are available. I looked up to see that it was too expensive so I told him how daddy works hard to earn and with that money, we would get lots of books and it is just a toy...so why don’t we imagine we have one and its okay not to have everything.
4) Another recent reason for an outburst is not to grow up because growing up eventually makes one old and then one dies. So, I am not going to be old or why cannot it be the reverse, he asked? It is so difficult sometimes to face such situations yet I have promised myself not to be bogged down by them. My only answer was that it is the cycle of life because I didn’t want him to have false ideas.
5) In case of extreme meltdown, walking away from room has also worked for us. I have left the room, kept myself busy and never argued...it stopped.
6) I have tried to bring home like-minded children of his age and mentality and tried to fix up play dates or just spending time with him where he gets to interact and shares his views with another child. Whenever we go home, I make sure he spends good quality time with his grandparents. But a meltdown is likely to happen there because of the difference in views and so I have tried my best to make them understand the situation and act accordingly.
7) Recognizing your child is the moot object in the parent child relationship. My child likes books, I had put him in story sessions in his summer holidays. He loved it. But for him any routine work becomes a drudgery and he gets exasperated too early and his tantrum starts, therefore my role as a mom is to custom-make an activity and before he gets bored and runs away from it to change into a another. Though this is a tedious task, yet he is happy. I call in his friends ..we do vegetable printing, story reading or simply making them play hide and seek or give them a stipulated time to watch animal documentaries which involve a lot of knowledge.
8) My child hates routine work and sulks always before going to school. All he did was say no to going to school and it continued for three years, which is fairly long. Then I started sending his favourite book from which his teacher read atleast a paragraph to the class-this feeling of importance and his book being read in class has added to his pride.
9) I make it a point to talk ill of foul temper tantrums and discourage him to build up tensions and even outburst. I keep reminding him that too much of anger affects one’s health so as parents one has to be on ones toes always, but never fret, and prepare for a holistic approach.
| Jul 21, 2015
Very well written kris, insightful and pragmatic. You have touched upon the most important points for this age group which is pretty much a common issue faced by all parents. Its how we deal with it relfects ourselves on to the child. Great advice. Thanks for sharing. Im sure he will grow up into a fine gentleman.
| Jul 21, 2015
This write up is an eye opener for many parent who faced the same problem while bringing up their child. The approach which has been depicted by the author really demands attention as it can easily relate to the practical problem of children of a particular age group and it directs an adaptable solution for it. Thanks And Regards Sanghamitra Roy.
| Aug 24, 2015
Thanks for sharing these points. My 10 years old daughter also throws tantrums ....i used to lose my cool earlier and it would make the situation worse. It requires lot of patience not to react ....but there is no alternative. I speak to her after 5-10 minutes of the outburst. But at times she is very rude which really hurts me.