Sex after baby -- when to resume
Created by Parentune Support Updated on Sep 16, 2017
Being pregnant was flattering! I loved the fact that I had a life inside me- it was magical; I loved the baby bump-the disproportionate figure suited me; I loved the special attention from my husband- almost like a fairy tale! I had hoped for a normal delivery but had to go in for a c-section after 12 hours of labour...phew!
Post Pregnancy Fairy Tale Comes To An End
With our bundle of joy we returned home a few days later and the fairy tale had vanished- the baby was ever demanding, breastfeeding was painful, my cute bump was replaced by a flabby stomach, sleep deprivation had become a norm. The loving husband remained, thankfully, but I was distracted and irritable and not in the frame of mind for any romance.
So was that the end of our sex life? Sex is a very important aspect of a relationship for it helps seal the love between couples. It's also a natural phenomenon and one which we have always enjoyed. The temporary lack of it post Jerry was a bit concerning.
When Can We Resume Sex After Baby?
Since I had a C-section, we had to abstain from sex for 12 weeks. This was not entirely a bad thing because the initial days for both of us were anyway quite taxing. Becoming used to being parents was draining enough and we usually slept even before our heads hit the pillow!
As time passed and I healed and became a more adept mother, the desire for physical intimacy grew stronger. At first it took some effort to get into the mood and put behind the aches and pains of delivery to enjoy the process. Nakul was a great help for he was patient, didn't push me into having sex and made me feel great about myself. The decision was mine and that was the most desirable aspect of love making post the baby!
But that was ‘us’, and for all of you here are the basic guidelines for when to resume sex after baby.
- Give time to your body to heal: Like I said, once your body has healed and being a mom becomes a second nature to you that’s when the desire for an intimacy with the father of your child kicks in. So wait for some time and let your body heal completely before you resume your physical intimacy
- Take it slow: Even after your body has healed, there will be times when you will find that you are in no mood because of lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion. Worry not, and just lie in each other’s arms, and let nature takes its course. Sex post baby will not be as spontaneous as it used to be prior to your baby. So take it slow and you will get there again
- Keep the foreplay on: In order to get back to the sex life post baby; do ensure that there is some sort of foreplay. The intimate touches, glances and a long refreshing kiss either in the morning once you wake up or before you go off to sleep will definitely go a long way in ensuring that you have a healthy sex life post baby as well
What Precautions Do We Need To Take As A Couple?
Making love post the baby is an added responsibility, and hence needs to be handled well. Here’s what we had in mind
- Firstly, we didn't want an unplanned pregnancy (we wanted a second child but 3 years later when we were ready for her arrival). So using a contraceptive even during breast feeding was necessary
- Secondly, we wanted a pleasurable experience, something we both could look forward to after a taxing day at work and with the baby. For me the gentleness and kindness mattered greatly as I was very vulnerable and my emotions swayed like a pendulum
- Thirdly, don't feel uncomfortable. Certain positions or certain activities could be painful or unpleasurable. Try finding alternatives and other means to satisfying each other. Our objective was to feel together and have fun and not merely culminate in intercourse. As time passed our bond strengthened and so did our time together!
Is It Normal If I Don’t Feel Like Having Sex Post Baby?
Yes, it is quite normal for a new mother to not to feel like having sex post baby. Sex post the baby is the last thing on a new mother's mind. The mother is so focused, rather obsessed, with the baby that the father is not even in the picture. To top it family relationships, readjusting lifestyles, juggling various hats take a toll and a non flattering figure contribute to the decline in the appetite for sex.
It's all natural and also transient.
What worked for me was vocalising my thoughts and getting a sympathetic ear from Nakul. It also took some effort to start trying again. So what you can do—
- Talk to your husband: You both are equally responsible in bringing that bundle of joy to this world and you both are a team – so act like one. Talk to your husband about your concerns, fears and lack of interest in sex post baby. Find out ways that will give you both some pleasure outside bedroom and lighten the stress, anxiety and exhaustion
- Don’t neglect him or yourself: Yes the baby takes most of your time, but that doesn’t mean that you start neglecting the husband. I am not saying the father of the baby – because as a father he gets lots of attention from but – what he needs is a wife at times and while it is difficult it is not impossible. So pay a little attention to your man and to yourself as well. Pay compliments to each other – husbands – it will boost your wife’s confidence, as a post baby body is not quite complimentary – wives – be a little more generous to your man in trying to adjust to a new role – you had 9-months advantage – so give him some time and shower him with compliments when he does something for the baby
- Keep the intimacy intact with small gestures: Do I really need to elaborate on this? You know what to do to keep the flame of intimacy burning. So keep the flame burning and one day you will get there
Our Baby Sleeps With Us How Do We Indulge In Love Making?
So mind made up, lighting adjusted, music playing BUT... the baby is on our bed sleeping. We didn't have the luxury of a spare room as we were living in a joint family when the children were born. However we had a separate cot for the baby. Moving the cot around the room for a little privacy for the two of us was not that big a problem.
Life post the baby is all about rebalancing your life and priorities. It's easier said than done. However, having two children has taught me that I really don't need to give up one aspect of my life because I am a mother now. Love making is a natural way of communication between parents and goes a long way in alleviating stress levels provided both partners work towards it.
Did you like the post on sex post baby? Does it answer all your queries or do you still have some more? Please do share your queries, views and feedback in the comments section below.
| Sep 19, 2017
| Sep 19, 2017
| Sep 19, 2017
me v bahat parishan hun kyun ki jab v sex karti hun(without contraceptive) tab meri beti 7 month ki he feeding karne ke baad ulti kardeti he... mujhe kya karna chahiye
| Sep 19, 2017
it is a great help
| Sep 17, 2017
po9W4kkm7lkp. 6. 5tmL
| Sep 16, 2017
a useful blog for new mothers who needs to realign their life and come back to track after the addition of a new family member. I am sure these handy tips would definitely help them do that.
Some custom error
Some custom error