Child Psychology and Behaviour

When do children learn lying is an option?

Piyush Kamra
1 to 3 years

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When do children learn lying is an option

Have you caught your child lying recently? Rather than accusing the child or getting worked up, it is better to take control of the situation but in a friendly, parental way. This blog shares some ideas with you.


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Shruty Verma

| Jul 29, 2017

very informative. ...thank you

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Shruty Verma

| Jul 29, 2017

very informative. ...thank you

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Jai Ganesh

| Dec 10, 2016

Good one. Gives a good perspective

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soni saloni

| Feb 29, 2016

I think for every parents patience is a key. If you have this then you will get success . My daughter is going to be 6yrs and she is first child.... no doubt in first child you do everything like ignorance on there naughty things and there small lies make you smile.... (o dekho mera bachey ne aisa bola and waisa bola ..mera bacha mera bacha).... But after some time this only become bad for us.... We can't blame our kid... we are who use to laugh on them and they think they are doing funniest thing... and they are used to with this by surrounding or by T. V ( Doremon T. V episode). my daughter use to say all lies whatever u have discuss al.. like not finishing tiffin... I didn't do that.... I have not used bad words etc.... initially I just blast on her and she was very scared... I can see on her face and still remember her face expression. I don't know where I read article on this that you have to keep patience and trust your child . You have to talk your child about there daily routine there whole day activity and you have to share your activity as like a friend. Just in simple word GOSSIP.. Trust me it's work.... These days when I pick my daughter from her school she narrate her whole day activity. She share everything with me.... I will not say she always say truth but I can see improvement.. Once your child start discussing with you chances of lies decrease to 70%. I think this is not a bad number . isn't friends. Most important MAKE THEM FEEL YOU TRUST THEM BY ANYHOW and YOU LOVE THEM WITHOUT ANY CONDITION.

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Piyush Kamra

| Jan 05, 2016

God, looks like I have been away for a long long time... let me try and answer every comment assuming what I would have done today if I reached your situation. Let me reiterate I am not an expert and this is just my opinion but at times an independent opinion may lead you to finding the right solution for yourself: drsheenoosharma: I agree with you changing your strategies may be a good strategy till your child learns what you are doing but believe me, they are pretty quick at learning. Fear also works for sometime but there is a very practical dialogue from the movie “Mary Kom” which says “Kisi ki itna mat darao ki dar hi khatam ho jae” (Don’t scare someone to that limit that it doesn’t scare anymore). A scare of principal can go 2 ways, 1. you keep scaring and nothing happens, child learns it’s a hoax call or 2. you actually meet the principal, make him/her the bad cop, works 2-3 times later the child gets used to it, you don’t want either. What you want is your child to decide what is right vs wrong and guide him/her in doing that. E. g. you may feel that talking practical at this age is useless, they don’t even understand the meaning of being practical but think again, do they know the meaning of being punished by god? How it really helps is the same way that advertisements sell products to kids. They keep hearing it again and again and they will learn it. I keep telling my daughter don't touch the switch boards you might get a shock. She doesn't know what is switch board and what is shock but I know the day she understands the meanings of these words I will never have explain again, it is in her head now. Aarti Kadam: you are really in a tricky situation. Not trying to scare you but reaction good/bad is important because it makes it easy for you to decide what to do next or what you did was right or not. Try to find ways to make her speak. Let me assure you anger will not help at all. She is 6 years old and knows a lot more feelings than a 2 year old. Be patient to your limits and beyond and continue trying for that one thing that will click. I agree that it is like finding a needle in haystack but patience will be your magnet, if you lose it, it makes it all the more difficult to find the needle. Meenu Vemuri: lot of common points between your problem and drsheenosharma’s problem. Again they don’t know how god punishes so they may be scared for a while but they will come back to the same track. So the permanent solution really is you continuously repeating both in words and in actions and keeping her involved. Shreya Joshi: She is just 3 years. She might actually be playing what you really want to tell her is talking to wall is a waste it’ll not reply back mamma will :) g r: Thank you so much. I am happy you liked it. Feels like I have written a whole blog in the comments sections :)

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Shreya Joshi

| Jan 05, 2016

My daughter is 3 yr old n she easily changes her statment that " m talking to u mom m telling this to the wall. "she is tooo active n talkative. Sometimes she answer so cleaverly that i dont understand how to react. Now she is manipulating things.

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Shreya Joshi

| Jan 05, 2016

My daughter is

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g r

| Dec 29, 2015

A well written and useful blog!! thanks so much:))

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Meenu Vemuri

| Dec 21, 2015

My daughter is 7 yrs old n now she is expert in telling lies. I never told anything lie to her but initially she used to lie n used to tell oo ullu banaya. but now she has started telling lies to her teacher. Day before yesterday I wrote a note to teacher stating that from past one month she is not writing her CW. sometimes she writes half sometimes only two lines... so teacher replied n said that ur daughter is having headache everyday so please check her sight. I was wondering as she never came to me n said this problem. But when I asked her while playing then she told that she does not want to write as its so much to write in this school that's why I told teacher like that. n there was one more twist when she was asked to go to the nurse mam in the school so my daughter told her the different story that her finger got hurt please put some medicine,I was shocked n my little clever daughter was smiling. This is happening we are talking to her politely n telling her that God will punish her if she keeps telling lies to everyone.

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Aarti Kadam

| Dec 19, 2015

My daughter is 6 yrs old She just do not eat her tiffin and give us all sorts of different lies for not eating tiffin or she just stay quite but does not answer our questions. I am trying to handle this situation for more than 8 to 10 months.

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drsheenoosharma

| Dec 16, 2015

I am used to my 4yr old girl picking up new naughty things from her school bus friends every now and then. I normally let it pass slowly. but when she learnt lying it was unacceptable. an still tackling this situation .sometimes with love,sometimes with a little sacre of her principal. I feel keep changing strategies so that kids don't learn to manipulate you. after all,WE are the parents .

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Piyush Kamra

| Dec 10, 2015

Hey Rebecca, I understand being patient can be really tough but think about it, you are trying to ensure that your kid stops doing something that she has been doing for long. When you lose your temper, it is like you are trying to change your habit of impatience to patience but at times you can't control it. So if you after so many years of wisdom can lose it, so can the kid and that is where it loops back to being patient.

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Rebecca

| Dec 10, 2015

My daughter is adopted and came home when she was five. She was so used to lying that every sentence was a lie. After a year things are better but she is such a pro that she is an absolute poker face when she lies. I do lose my temper a lot of times though especially when I find out from others.

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Himani Kankaria

| Dec 09, 2015

Nicely explained each and every point which every parent would have while treating with their kids lying. Thanks Piyush, it was a worth reading your write up. Keep sharing more useful and these kind of very important matters related to children.

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Piyush Kamra

| Dec 09, 2015

Well said Shikha. Completely agree we all need to stop, take a deep breath and rethink.

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Shikha Batra

| Dec 09, 2015

Well written Piyush! Agree with the suggestions given. It is mostly us parents who are making our children smart and letting them know where to eat words and when to exaggerate with our reactions even before they finish saying. Children even lie to make us feel happy or to avoid making us feel bad. When they can do so much for us with no wrong intentions and just parent's happiness on their mind why can't we control our emotions and give patient ears to them without having outbursts. if we loose a material thing it is not a loss at all, but in the name of discipline if we loose our child's trust we loose everything. So up to us all to do a reality check.

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