13 year old motivation issues
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Updated on Oct 10, 2012
My daughter is almost 14 years old and has been having issues about her ability in certain subjects. She has an almost mental block about Maths (major), physics and chem (to a lesser degree, but still there). Since she is in the 9th grade, we are very concerned that she may not clear this year and that the failure may undermine her confidence even more. She has one on one tutors for the subjects and still requires me to supervise or take up her work as she does not study independantly except in her favourite subject, English. She has no learning disability and her IQ level is above 130. We are at our wits end, as we do know she is more than capable but lacks the interest to work on subjects that do not interest her. She is in the ICSCE stream and was allowed to choose her subjects i. e drop Maths and sciences and opt for Commerce and Econmics, but she chose to opt for Maths and science and insisted she would work hard on these subjects. However, she says now that while she can solve problems when she is with her tutor, she cant remember the method or process later and gets confused. I have tried to take her to a counceller, which she resists so fiercely that I fear that it may be counter productive. Is there an option in changing her subjects at this stage? Should I shift her to another stream (IGSCE)?
| Oct 12, 2012
Hi Youla, you have already got expert suggestions from Ann. I would like to add one thing which cant be stressed enough to parents with children of all ages. Communication. You have kept tutors for your child and help her in studies and also talked about a therapist, but have you really tried to talk to her asking about her problem? Here is a suggestion: make a date with your daughter. Go to a movie you both will enjoy, then have a lunch date. Go shopping together. Use that time to have a mother daughter bonding time. Dont pressurise her to speak. She may need time. If she has been already aloof or silent, she may need a lot of such "dates" to really open up to you. But eventually she will and you will be able to address her at a different level. You may be surprised at what you learn about your child when you do this.
| Oct 16, 2012
Wonder how Youla put into words the very issue that I am facing these days with my 11 yr. old, although his lack of interest is just taking shape and I am always looking for ways to not let it become a habit that he will find hard to change, great insight their by Ann, it helped. thanks Payal. Do agree with Payal though that nothing works like spending time with them and staying calm while they let out all the built up anxiety, does take a bit of effort and could drive you to wit's ends at times, but worth it nonetheless, and my reward is greater bonding with him :)
| Oct 17, 2012
Thanks for your comments. I have spent time separately with my daughter and spoken to her. We have a good relationship otherwise and she shares almost all her thoughts and feelings with me. Except when it comes to studies. Though both my husband and I have always maintained that all we want for her is to do the best she can and are not driven by her having to achieve 90% + in exams, I do want her to strive to better her grades or at the very least achieve what she is capable of. The complete disinterest in studies, the lack of concern when confronted with incomplete classwork or homework is what I cannot comprehend.
| Oct 17, 2012
Thanks for your comments. I have spent time separately with my daughter and spoken to her. We have a good relationship otherwise and she shares almost all her thoughts and feelings with me. Except when it comes to studies. Though both my husband and I have always maintained that all we want for her is to do the best she can and are not driven by her having to achieve 90% + in exams, I do want her to strive to better her grades or at the very least achieve what she is capable of. The complete disinterest in studies, the lack of concern when confronted with incomplete classwork or homework is what I cannot comprehend.
