Parenting

5 and half (KG/formal School) doenst sit and listen to teach

AM
3 to 7 years

Created by
Updated on Sep 01, 2015

Dear All,   I am getting frequent complaints from school that my son (5 and half) in kindergarden (KG goes in formal school) doesn’t sit in class and doesn’t listen and respect school teachers at all. We never say anything bad about teacher. Infact tells him that teacher is god if you dont listen teacher God is watching and he will punish you.   Since play school he has this habbit. He is too naughty. He is good in class get A grade and gets “star” almost every day in notebook and finishes his lunch too. I make him sit at home or study for an hour and play for an hour in sitting games like tic tac toe, or any other games which we  can play in notebook.. so that he gets habbit to sit for long hours. Now planning to put him drawing class to develop sitting habbit and more patience.   I make him involve at home like do all house work…keep clothes in laundry bag, dress and undress himself, fill all water bottle, distribute and pick-up every ones plate after dinner just to make him busy and forget about his naughtiness.   After finishing his work in class/school he starts with his naughty activities and involves other kids too.   Now the teacher complaints so much.  I spoke to my son and make him understand that it is very important to sit in the class and respect and follow teachers instructions. But all in vain.. one or two days he is fine and third day onwards he again starts.   His teacher too admit that he is good in studies but his behaviour/naughtiness ruins all.   I know scolding and beating is not the solution. But what is the solution now?   I am really unable to handle and tackle this situation. His previous class (nursery in same formal school) I used to get his complain entire year and this year too.   Pls help!!   Thanks Aarti

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AM

| Sep 03, 2015

Thank you so much Shikha and Carol for explanation and suggestions. I think I need to meet child psychiatrist and m searching about ADHD also. Your both suggestions and explanations always works for me. Thanks a ton.

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Carol

| Sep 02, 2015

Aarti, Good that you decided to take help from a professional and the best thing is involving his class teacher so you can work together. All the best.

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Shikha Batra

| Sep 02, 2015

Trupti it is advisable to please take the help of a special educator or counselor in school who could guide u on a weekly basis,how to go about dealing with this . From yr end just try and understand your child better, cuddle him, praise him for conforming. avoid comparison between siblings. Do not ask one to be like other , as this would affect his self esteem and bring a gap between siblings. With yr support child should be able to tap his energies and use it in the right direction. Hope this helps!

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Shikha Batra

| Sep 02, 2015

Most importantly please avoid insulting the child as he would internalize it and this can have serious impact on his personality in later life. Arti Please don't be stressed out for this meet with special educator as it would do more good to yr child and help you as a parent as well as the teacher to understand him better. I am sure with collaboration with school u should come up with workable solutions which will help in channelizing child's energy in the right direction.

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Shikha Batra

| Sep 02, 2015

Hi Arti Mehan and Trupti! I understand it is indeed disturbing to get frequent complaints from child's school. we need to understand this is not something child is doing intentionally. Some children are more fidgety and restless by nature. They are more curious and can't sit at one place for more than 5 to 10 minutes. It is advisable to go in for ADHD assessment. Trust me when yr child says he won't repeat it ,he mean it. He doesn't forget yr instructions,he just can't help it. Try out following methods: 1. Have a structured timetable at home. This would bring down his curiosity and also free time make them more restless. So plan their free time as well. Before sending the child to school, share with him the previous day what all classes he will have the following day, what he can do in free time. 2. For free time or when he has finished his work and is free u could send story books, drawing copy, simple puzzles, crosswords to solve with 4 to 5 letter simple words etc. This would keep him involved and his mind occupied. Do check what he did and praise him for correct answer or praise his drawing. So according to his interest send extra things (if allowed or with prior permission). 3. U could give him soft balls to play with in his hands,without distracting others. This can be done below the desk by bringing it in teacher's notice. 4. Make him sit with peer who is otherwise calm and not fidgety at all and wouldn't get distracted. Also both should have good equation and share a good rapport with each other. He should help the child in doing his work and reminding him time and again to stay put without embarrassing yr child. The other child can be tutored by doing mock sessionso with him. 5. after discussing with yr teacher u could take permission to allow yr child to have at least one break in each period say a water break, or taking a stroll in the corridor,going down the stairs and coming back once his work is over. Make sure he doesn't misuse this liberty.

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Trupti

| Sep 02, 2015

Hi Aarti, Even my son has same problem. but the difference is my son is 9 year old. I am also feeling so helpless . I am a working mother with 2 children so couldn't contribute much time. Just don't know what to do about his behavior. My son's teacher also told us to get some help.

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Trupti

| Sep 02, 2015

Hi Aarti, Even my son has same problem. but the difference is my son is 9 year old. I am also feeling so helpless . I am a working mother with 2 children so couldn't contribute much time. Just don't know what to do about his behavior. My son's teacher also told us to get some help.

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Trupti

| Sep 02, 2015

Hi Aarti, Even my son has same problem. but the difference is my son is 9 year old. I am also feeling so helpless . I am a working mother with 2 children so couldn't contribute much time. Just don't know what to do about his behavior. My son's teacher also told us to get some help.

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Trupti

| Sep 02, 2015

Hi Aarti, Even my son has same problem. but the difference is my son is 9 year old. I am also feeling so helpless . I am a working mother with 2 children so couldn't contribute much time. Just don't know what to do about his behavior. My son's teacher also told us to get some help.

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AM

| Sep 02, 2015

Thanks Carol for sparing your time and explaining elaborately. The thing is that in play school, then nursery (formal school, now in kindergarten... he has same behaviour. I cant blame teacher. We talked him calmly evey night and try to explain you will get medal big gift if you behave properly.. etc etc.. he always mumma i will b good boy from tmrw on. In the mrg he forgets everything and start his activities. After finishing his work he keeps on roaming and jumping on the desk and involve other kids as well. Now a days teacher cannot scold/beat kids. They just have say politely to all kids. Now his teacher says that other teacher like activity teacher, sakting teacher and assembly teacher all teacher complain about him that he doesnt listen at all. In assembly keep on roaming here n there.. after so instruction still he doesnt listen. We show him video too that how kids behave good and how they get prizes etc. everyday my husband teach him half an hour about it. but no change at all. What to do. Pls help. Now I have asked his teacher to meet me in off day i. e. Saturday with child psychiatrist needs discuss. It will happen next Saturday. pls advise how should I handle this situation.

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Carol

| Sep 02, 2015

Aarti Mehan, Could you please elaborate a little more on what you mean by "Not respecting his teachers". Do you mean that he refuses to do his job when he was asked to? Generally children voice their opinion without any fear at that age which is not disrespectful. For example when he is asked to write, if he says "Ms. T My hands are aching. Shall I tell you the answer instead of writing it?" or if he says "MS. T, I don't want to write now. Shall I go through this book instead?" In both the cases he is not being disrespectful. But if he insults her, turning his face away, not giving an answer or if he says something in a rude tone "like I wont listen to you" then he needs to be corrected. When you say who a teacher is, if you say she is like GOD, he may not understand what it means. Because most children don't have clear idea on who god is. Instead try telling him that is familiar to him or something which he can comprehend easily. Tell him what she really does, how the teacher takes a lot of effort to teach him. You could say " Sweetheart Ms. T just wants to help you. She takes care of you the whole day when I am not with you, she spends all her time to teach you learn reading, writing so you can be better in everything. if you follow her instructions,she will be very happy to help. So it's not nice to be rude with her. " Respect cant be earned through fear. Build the bond between them. Let him feel good about being in her class. You said he behaves for a couple of days. Point that out and appreciate him. Tell him "Ms. T was very happy that you behaved in class. I knew you could do it". Encourage him and give him lots of praise. Find out from his class teacher how she handles him in the class. To some extent, the responsibility is on her and she should be able to tackle the children. She cant come to you every time with a complaint. Talk to her and find out what are the ways she is trying to make him do his work and if you have some suggestions which work at home, you may tell her to follow that. Find out if she has any suggestion which you can follow at home. Its better if you work together to solve the issue. Do not label him that he is a naughty child. One thing I used to say to my son is "you are such a wonderful child. It's not about you. It's only that habit of yours, I don't like. If you correct that behavior alone, you will be just awesome". It makes him feel very good about himself. And he at least tries to behave. All they need is some encouragement. So focus more on his good behavior. he will come around.

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Megha Chawla

| Sep 02, 2015

Carol Nitin Can you please help?

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Megha Chawla

| Sep 02, 2015

Carol Nitin Can you please help?

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