Created by Updated on Aug 31, 2015
I am a mother of 11 year old daughter.. My problem is that oflate I get angry at the drop of my hat.. though I get have always been a strict mother, of late I have started beating my daughter for smallest of the things.. I try hard to control myself but now I have realized that more than my need, it's become my habit.. My daughter is pretty much obeidient but my behavior is in turn affecting her personality.. She is getting more n more gullible n shy.. Since last year her academics r also being affected.. but when it comes to academics though she is an intelligent child she has never been interested in studying.. It's only when I tell her she will study and this annoys me.. So I start beating her.. It's become a vicious circle.. I need ways of controlling myself Before I lose my child.. Please help.. Regards Shweta
| Sep 01, 2015
Shweta Prabhu, for starters, it is really great that you have realised there is a problem and the problem is with you and not with the daughter. What you need perhaps is to get some time off for your own self.. this will help calm you down. Go for walks, join a yoga class, or once a week just go for a coffee with a friend... without the kid.. something totally for yourself. Learn to let go of perfectionism.. even if your daughter doesn't score the top grades in an exam, so what... will that make her love you less or is your love depedant on her grades. No! Then believe in it and let go off certain things.. she might not eat a meal once in a while, it is ok, she will eat the next time around; she might not study today, no issues... take her to the park instead, play with her, have fun, and when you come back, coax her to sit and study with you for half hour. And while she studies, you also sit and read a book or a magazine.. this will help both of you (children like to have parents sitting with them, but not sitting on their heads. So, while she does her schoolwork, you do some reading or listen to music on headphones). Like you said, these are passing phases in life.. what is more important is the relationship you share with your daughter. Build on that.. other things can wait! also, gradually, you can look for help for her in terms of a tuition teacher or ask for help within the family. Maybe your husband can pitch in with her studies. enjoy the time with your daughter rather than stressing out.
| Sep 01, 2015
Hi Shweta Prabhu! Ankita has given some excellent suggestions. I would like to add few points to this. 1. The frustration which comes on yr child could be just the tip of the iceberg. U need to recognize what lies underneath. In the sense please identify factors in yr life that are bothering u. For ex: 1. Your work status. R u working? if not , is that what is bothering u? 2. Yr equation with yr hubby? Is he taking equal responsibility of yr daughter? 3. Yr relationship with yr in-laws etc. Please find out the reason for frustration,discuss it with yr hubby, work on a solution for it. It's is quite possible that anger is getting directed towards yr child, rather than the actual cause. I would advise u to go in for anger management. Practice methods to control yr anger like meditation, yoga, relaxation exercises, channelizing anger in right direction, seeking help etc. I appreciate yr concern for yr daughter, and I am sure like any other parent u want the very best for yr child, but it's just that yr way of expressing your love for her needs a correction. If corrective action is not taken promptly there are chances that she might have a disturbed childhood and later on a disturbed life or she might not prove to be a good parent or might have difficulties in expressing self in the right manner. I am sure with practice u will be able to tame yr temper and work on the bond between u and her. Introspection is what is required and if u wish seek professional help to control yr anger. Hope this works out!
| Sep 03, 2015
I identify with you Shweta. My son who is 8 years old My daughter is 6. My son behaves just like your daughter. When my husband is late from office or when he is out of station or when something bothers me, I used to hit my kids. . But now a days I have started controlling the anger towards kids. I try not to hit them. I have told them I hate to hit them. But somehow, the situations which cause my reaction like this have got bigger and bigger. To such an extent that it was revealed to everyone. I think I should seek professional help. But no one understands me. I feel shame that everyone knows there is misunderstanding between my husband and myself. Don't know the solution. I have tried yoga. But don't feel inspired to do it now.
| Sep 05, 2015
Hi Kriti! I know what u r talking about. Misunderstandings r part of life, but when they get bigger,it's time we sort them out before they escalate to a point of no return. U could try out following options : 1. Introspection is required to understand what's bothering u. 2. Bring a change in yourself in the sense, avoid having expectations when u know these r not going to be fulfilled, as u might hurt yourself more. 3. Whatever u r doing for yr kids is what is not just yr responsibility but also what you love doing. Try and do not mix emotions. Yr love for yr kids should be independent of yr equation with yr hubby. 4. Talk to yr husband, discuss the Misunderstandings,what's the way out, work out solutions. This is in the interest of the entire family. 5. Avoid making kids witness to everyday scene at home. 6. If u believe, all this is not working out,seek professional help. Sometimes Kriti, it is actually nothing more than Misunderstandings which can be easily sorted out, by both parties changing a bit for a common goal ( happiness of kids ). I am sure this will work out,give it a shot with an open mind. hope this works out well. Tkcare.