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Child Psychology and Behaviour

Behavior Issues of a 5 yr old

Anubhuti
3 to 7 years

Created by
Updated on May 03, 2013

Hi, My Daughter has recently turned five. I have been noticing some trends with respect to her behavior. 1. She cries at the drop of a hat in public & private both. Though in school, she is described as a genial & soft spoken kid. 2. She has started to argue & answer me back & shout at me. She mirrors my tone & words. 3. She has this need to do everything her way, with elders & with peers, if not she gets very very upset & angry. I have another 1. 5 yr old daughter & she constantly compares the fact that the baby gets more attention than her ( which is not a fact ). The situation is not vey good. Can you help me with ways to pacify her. My being tired with the baby & chores & also a little short of patience adds to the misery.

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Anubhuti

| May 14, 2013

Hello ladies. Good news :) My elder one's doing much better just with a little moreattention & lots of patience from me. She still has her moments when she pretends to be hurt so I love her, cuddle her. I go ahead & indulge her instead of telling her to stop acting funny. I guess that's doing the trick.

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Anubhuti

| May 08, 2013

I guess we are missing the who;e point here ladies. the issues are with me not giving her time, the younger one's not in the picture. As far their relation is concerned, it's perfect !!

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Michelle

| May 08, 2013

For to be mums the child should be prepared of the coming off a sibling, by explaining.. now she is going to be a big sister. for now just acknowledge her presence when she is back from school , talk to the baby telling her this is your big sister, let her feel special,let her do small things like powder the baby , change a diaper , tap the baby to sleep, that way she will be protective rather than jealous of the younger child. (at the same time keep a watch).

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Michelle

| May 08, 2013

No matter how much we try to give that special attention it will never be enough and now the attention is shared.. even more a new born needs that extra attention.

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Anubhuti

| May 07, 2013

Thank you Gaurima !! I do all of the above other than spending time with her which I am trying to. The good part is that she loves her sister & is really fond of her. Her only bone of contention is that I have no time with her & shout at her. But I am trying my best to handle her with patience !! :)

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gaurima

| May 07, 2013

Hey Anubhuti ... I can completely relate to your situation as i also have 2 kids having the similar age gap (1. 3 years). Though i could anticipate the much hyped sibling rivalry but dealing it with my own kids was full of challenges ;) And the perennial demands of running the household machinery definitely becomes taxing . But the good news is that things don't remain the same and infact start improving the moment you decide to take charge. What worked in my case was that I focussed a lot on developing the bond between my kids. In your situation i feel that you should start by listing down 10 things that your elder on would love to have or to do. Do those things for her ... make her feel special. AS of now just focus on your bond with her. In the background subtly explain her that your younger one loves n misses DIDI a lot.. tell her stories that younger one looks for her when she's not around... Spend real good time together like Singing rhymes, Dancing, playing simple games... Amply reward your elder one whenever she does any little thing in desirable direction.. and let your elder one give rewards to younger one. Whenever you get something for both the children - let the elder child give to the younger child and also make younger child do things for elder one. Bonding between them will be rewarding for all of you. And as Bhavna suggested - make sure to have some me time everyday to refill your reserves of energy and patience as you will certainly be needing them both :)

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Anubhuti

| May 06, 2013

Thank you all, I did sit my husband down & have tried to explain the same to him as well, he's a stickler for discipline & order & that also pressurises her & me, this leads to some of the prob. I will try to be more patient (tough job) & hope for the best.

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Bhavna

| May 06, 2013

Dear Anubhuti , you have got some excellent advise from the pro parents here, i just would like to add, take a breather.. with two children you seem like having a tough time. Once in while ask for help , let someone else look after the children and take a moment or an hour to just be yourself and relax. once you are relaxed you will be amazed at the kind of patience you will have for both your children. You have yourself identified the problem here ( by saying that she is mirroring your actions) so when you are calm and at peace , there is a good chance that your child may mimic the same sentiment... all the best

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Shanaya

| May 04, 2013

Hey I have seen this in my family as well,. the older sibling getting edgy as the baby gets all the attention.. as fellow mums have suggested.. only with love and care can one handle such a situation.. you will needs tons of patience.. all the best :)

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Payal

| May 04, 2013

Anubhuti, your daughter is certainly going to mirror your behaviour. So does mine. I learnt the hard way to talk in measured tones even when I am tired and frustrated with her. That is part of her learning and growth. Now I try to be what I want her to be. That is only fair, I feel. My daughter does not have a sibling, but the moment I am talking to her father, she throws a tantrum that she is not being given attention. Perhaps this age is such that children start looking for attention from their parents. You will just have to indulge a little bit and then be firm and say you need your time with everyone, and she should understand that. Try reaching to her in an adult-adult conversation and she is more liable to appreciate facts. As far as tantrums go, its never a good idea to give in. It is a weakness they will forever take advantage of. Firmness in message and communication is the only way out. It may be tough at first but in a couple of months, it forms a habit and things get easier.

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Anubhuti

| May 04, 2013

AM : Thank you, I try to do what you say when it comes to getting stuff or giving things. But you know time wise I have no option as of now than to run around the little one, she tends to jump off the dining table, throw stuff around etc as all kids her age do so inevitable, even if i dont want to, i have to run behind her. But i will try my best to do wat you suggested. Will keep you posted. :)

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Anubhuti

| May 04, 2013

AM : Thank you, I try to do what you say when it comes to getting stuff or giving things. But you know time wise I have no option as of now than to run around the little one, she tends to jump off the dining table, throw stuff around etc as all kids her age do so inevitable, even if i dont want to, i have to run behind her. But i will try my best to do wat you suggested. Will keep you posted. :)

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Indu

| May 03, 2013

Oh ... Hey Anubhuti ... we are so much in same boat. Today my 4. 5 yrs daughter done such a huge drama on a very small point. And honestly spoiled my whole day.... To keep the balance of love n care among both my kids is sometimes so much on my head ... I have started thinking that problem is not 'LITTLE' with our kids... problem is of 'PLENTY' .. . Ok Ok .... I think me getting to much STRICT mom... But seriously sometimes its so tough to manage :(

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AM

| May 03, 2013

after some time whn the things will improve try to make her understand tht she she is elder sister of little one.. and lv her.. play with her.. else it leaves mark on child's mind tht my parents doesnt lv me.... and I hv seen in some cases that elder one started hating the younger one thinking that he/she has snatched his/her all attention and love.

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AM

| May 03, 2013

your elder one is luking for your attention and she must me observing tht u give yr more/all love and time to younger one. It happens with every mother. I hv seen same situation with my sister and her elder one(13yrs) still conplaing abt not being loved as much as younger one(11yrs) . I understand it is very tough. You need to spend more time to your elder one and try to love both equally especially in front of elder one. Try to give things first to elder one and try to play together with both kids and reward more to elder(for the time being), bring new clothes, toys 1st for elder daugther and after few days buy for younger one. Whn she comes from school leave the younger one and welcome elder one with lods of love. I believe she will feel, she is getting more attention & love and m sure her behaviour will improve gradually. All the best.

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