Created by Updated on May 14, 2013
Hi, i have come to stay at my elder-sister's house. she lives in Canada. i have come here with my daughter(4-1/2 yrs) & son (1-1/2yrs) for two months. my daughter's name is Tamanna. My sister has 2 daughters. The elder is 14 yrs & younger is 6 yrs. younger ones name is Aditi. coz Tamanna & Aditi are same age they play together. Tamanna has always been a obi diner, kind loving & sharing kid. for her wisdom we sometimes call her an old soul. But her behaviour has changed drastically. When she is with Aditi she is very competitive. there is a lot of comparison between the two. It all started from Aditi. the way her elder sister treated her, Aditi treated Tamanna the same way or even worse at times. She scolded her in everything, dominated her in all the plays, instructed her to do things her way. its been a month we have been here. Now Tamanna ahead absorbed all the negative traits of Aditi and has started reacting. She irritates Aditi, to a point that Aditi scolds her. Tamanna copies Aditi in almost everything she does. I have been trying to make her understand that copying anyone is bad. But nothing is going in her head. moreover my sister is working. She comes in the evening and sees the girls cat fight for an hour or so. it's obvious from her expressions and talks that she feels Tamanna is wrong. i feel hurt. one coz Aditi screams at Tamanna all the time, she bullies her at times, Tamanna is unable to express & lastly my poor child is being misunderstood. i also worry that if Tamanna caries these negative traits back to India, she would have a tough time. She has a few close friends with whom she spends a lot of quality time. If she behaves in a way that she has learnt here her relations would be spoiled and she would have a tough time socialising, an important thing she has always been good at over the years. Please advice.
| May 15, 2013
Dear ...I agree with you that having a toddler in the house is like gymming 24 X 7 ;) But the beauty is they push you to become best in management skills - to give them the needed time we have to employ shortcuts and manage the whole stuff so well that the whole system runs smoothly :) Anyways I would like to suggest that ... 1)you can feel less exhausted by find ways to engage all of them together like reading a story, make toy puppets and weave a amusing story ; Sing together, dance, paperfold, act, juggle, eat (the stuff they like) together. Develop the bond between them by FACILITATING their mutual play - You have to facilitate. 2) Moreover engaging all of them lovingly will give positive vibes to ur sis and jiju also. And may be u should try not to judge the whole thing and attitudes involved just be v v kids friendly :) hope that helps
| May 14, 2013
I try keeping them busy in different activities now to avoid such comparison. Coz i see my sister & jiju too behaving a little differently when my daughter tries to copy Aditi. They feel its her mistake that she is doing so.
| May 14, 2013
Thanks Gaurima, I'm indeed touched with your advice. My problem is I have a 1-1/2 yr old hyper active baby boy too. All my day and night energy is sucked to the core by running after him. I still try to play with them. The moment I divert from there vicinity the girls start fighting and comparing each and everything. My daughter started this comparing thing only after a few days that she had spent with Aditi.
| May 14, 2013
Dear Radhika , all i would like to add is that ... as you are talking about children here .. you must be aware that children of this age group would love to please you if they are fond of you. I would suggest that you have to build rapport with ADITI to influence her in a positive way. For a few days try to engage yourself with both of them.. play with them if needed. Make a game where in you will give points/stars/smileys/tattoo for behaviours showing help, care, politeness, responsibility... and be dynamic to play this game in such a way that both the children feel that you are on their side ..cue them when necessary. Radhika you most likely will be able to handle the situation well by not adding to the heat by being a boring supervisor to the kiddies. Play with them... say that you are a PANDA ... n Who so ever will take care of you by doing good behaviour will take a Happy PANDA HUG and whoever will bug the PANDA will have to be tied to the SAD, ANGRY, HOWLING PANDA. U know children are inherently happy people ... make sure they maintain their status that ways by making them feel special about themselves ALWAYS... make them aware that they are so loving and caring ...it's just sometimes that they forget to be nice and so you are there as MOM/AUNT/KUNGfu PANDA to remind them of their goodness. DO a game with them in which you all take turns to do something special for the other person.... encourage BONDING amongst both of them. This vacation make sure that you enjoy and the kiddies get so fond of each other that they howl when the time comes for them to part. I know i have written a long story.. but I am very touchy feely about KIDS and love THEM a LOT. All the best for all the patience and creativity that you would be exercising with them. :)
| May 14, 2013
Thank you so so much Shikha & Neetu. Reading your msg really makes me feel light and is giving me the needed courage and way to handle the situation. Thank you again.