Child Psychology and Behaviour

Behaviour issues with Daughter.

7 to 11 years

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Updated on Oct 13, 2015

My daughter is growing and changed her behaviour. She wants to be more independent than we allow her to. I don't know how to deal with this as I am probably not ready for this yet. My daughter is growing and changed her behaviour. She wants to be more independent than we allow her to. I don't know how to deal with this. I know I have to trea her different ly now but am not sure how and where to draw a line.

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| Oct 14, 2015

Hi Kiranmai! I can very well understand how it feels when kids start to question parents and want to exercise their right to freedom of .... possibly everything u can imagine. I believe it's like holding the sand too tight and u might find it slip away. We all know a day would come sooner or later in our lives when our kids would want to take decisions regarding their life on their own. So the earlier we accept this harsh reality,the lesser it would hurt. Infact,we ourselves must have made our parents go through this same phase as teenagers. I would advise you not to be disheartened and consider this as that opportune time to take this mother daughter relationship to a new level where u can be friends with her. Work on this bond so that she can discuss anything with u without the fear of being judged (as she would be doing with her close friend). For example: yr girl wants to go out with friends on a birthday party. Rather than out rightly rejecting her proposal and giving her n no. Of reasons to justify yr decision, ending up arguing with her and then trying for a patch up and finally giving her permission after few days of this high tension drama. If we play the same scene again with u being positive and supportive for yr kid and letting her realize with freedom comes added responsibility and that she will have to call u in between,and also before leaving . ALso tell her to give her friends' contact numbers and their address. Help her in deciding a gift for her friend and what dress she should wear. With little change in yr attitude, u would see a change in her behavior as well. Avoid nagging her about what happened at the party and wait for her to come to u. As parents it's our duty as well as responsibility to ensure that our kids are safe and sound bUT the method we use to ensure this can range from close supervision which means every minute tracking which might make our child drift away from us to teaching them right ethics and guiding them to follow right path at every step without taking away their freedom. This on the other hand doesnt mean accepting whatever they want. You need to follow yr instinct and help her decide what is good for her which she would respect ,once u accept she is a grown up now. kiranmai,I am sure u have been doing a great job as a mother and would accept this phase too very well. Have faith in yr girl and use this phase to get further close to her. hope this works!

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