Parenting

Behaviour understanding

Manu
3 to 7 years

Created by
Updated on Aug 07, 2015

Hi All, My daughter is going to be 5 now next month. I am working mother. I have confusion or query which I need to discuss and want to understand my child. She is good in academics and very sincere in finishing her home work. No doubt like other childern she throw tantrums in eating or obeying few rules. Sometime i feel i use much corrective way or discipline at my homem,for ex,no liberty to skip breakfast,throw garbage in dustbin and other small things which i think she can do and must do. Also as i have less time,so my way of instructing her is litlle bit pressue kind of. She is little bit shy in sense she doen't greet or take initiative or answering if some neighbour or known approaches her. ALthough i keep on convincing him the importance of same. I always seen a quiet face ,no smile when she goes out with me on bus stand/or walking down the park. Very quiet... ppl started asking me is she not happy.. why so sad face... Not sure I am able to express my feeling fully or not. But yes these thing making me feel and inquistive to know my child more.. I want to understand child,so unknowingly i may not trouble her growth or behaviour. Thanks in advance for reading.

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Khyati Shah

| Aug 13, 2015

Thanks A ton Rashi n Carol.. I too am facing the same problem.. This is sort of an eye opener.. Thanks once again.

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Manu

| Aug 10, 2015

Thanks a Lot Rashi and Carol. Your suggestion meant a lot to me:)Yes definetely i want my kid to be happier and spend happier moments with me. Thanks once again.

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Carol

| Aug 07, 2015

Hi Manu, I completely agree with Rashi. Being very strict might seem to be an effective and easier way to control her at that moment. But at later stage, your child will start with back talking, raise her voice, will show more resistance, have an argument for everything when she is big enough to show her defiance. Her moodiness, shyness are the result of being told all the time how to behave and what not to speak. So she doesn't get many chance to be herself. Try to avoid giving lots of instruction on what or how to talk and what not to talk unless that hurts others' feelings. Check if you are under pressure managing home, work, your child, her studies as it can reflect in your attitude towards her. Take help from family or maid. keep yourself relaxed. Try to spend more time with her apart from helping her in homework or her routine like getting her ready for school. Your own doubts that you aren't doing enough for your child, not wanting to be judged by others may also be the reason for you to be too strict with her. Try doing some fun stuff with her. Have a mom-&-daughter's day out. Get to her level. Try being silly. Let her be naughty once in a while. Children are supposed to be naughty. Aren't they? You will have a lot of fond memories of her naughtiness to share with her when she grows up. In fact I do keep a journal with many of my son's tantrums, the troubles he got into and other moments. My son and I read it together now. He laughs at them and wonders how silly he was and how dumb he was to make those wrong choices. Kids will start to form an image about the parents, form their opinion about us which would remain till the end. So try to have more happier moments with her.

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Carol

| Aug 07, 2015

Hi Manu, I completely agree with Rashi. Being very strict might seem to be an effective and easier way to control her at that moment. But at later stage, your child will start with back talking, raise her voice, will show more resistance, have an argument for everything when she is big enough to show her defiance. Check if you are under pressure managing home, work, your child, her studies as it can reflect in your attitude towards her. Take help from family or maid. keep yourself relaxed. Try to spend more time with her apart from helping her in homework or her routine like getting her ready for school. Your own doubts that you aren't doing enough for your child, not wanting to be judged by others may also be the reason for you to be too strict with her. Try doing some fun stuff with her. Have a mom-&-daughter's day out. Get to her level. Try being silly. Let her be naughty once in a while. Children are supposed to be naughty. Aren't they? You will have a lot of fond memories of her naughtiness to share with her when she grows up. In fact I do keep a journal with many of my son's tantrums, the troubles he got into and other moments. My son and I read it together now. He laughs at them and wonders how silly he was and how dumb he was to make those wrong choices. Kids will start to form an image about the parents, form their opinion about us which would remain till the end. So try to have more happier moments with her.

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Rashi

| Aug 07, 2015

Hi Manu Would like to share an incidence with you. my friend is very strict with her so. Like you, She also noticed the sad face of her son for few days and one day she asked her son his problem. You may get some clue from what he replied. he said- "i'll be happy the day when will not scold me, not give so many instructions to follow, not ask me do so many tasks and try to give me company in my games and make the tasks enjoyable. " My friend was broken into tears realizing that she was the only reason for her son's unhappiness. Some times unintentionally we create a lot of pressure on our kids. Excess of everything is bad. Its really ok if your daughter does silly things, enjoy with her. Once she is happy she learn whatever u teach her and that too happily. Try to be her friend first and then a mentor. She'll appreciate that. I might be wrong but you could try this.

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