7 to 11 years

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Updated on Jul 23, 2014

Hi all,   My Son is 7. 5 years, till last year he was a bright student doing well, not great but still good, however this year he has started showing disinterest in all things, his books are always incomplete, his handwriting is getting worst day by day, spelling errors are reaching a point where i feel i have to start from kindergarten spellings for him, he may do well at home but when in school he doesnt, when i spoke to him last he said that cuz he is tall he is asked to sit behind hence the books are incomplete and in a hurry to finish the handwriting is bad, i spoke to the teacher got his place changed and made him sit in the 2nd bench, to my grief the behavior continued, infact when bad to worse, he has been outrightly lying when he knows that i have caught his lies, i thought he feared me and may be might show some good signs while studying with others, hence i got him into tutions but i have still dont see any improvement, yes i have been a strict mother, cuz my husband is in Delhi and i have been handling him alone here, i have tried to sit and speak with him to find out whats stopping him and acted according to what he said, but because he knew that i trust him i realized he had started to lie, which then i could not bear, i spoke to him and told him that if you havent fared well its ok but dont lie to me, i have tried my best to counsel him and speak to him and make him understand, but even after all that he continues his behavior which is making it difficult for me to handle him, i have at times punished him, at times hit him when thing really went out of hands and after explaining it so many times cuz its but natural for someone to loose patience after some time, with the growing competition it makes it difficult for me to handle him, there hasnt been any pressure for studies, he has a photogenic memory when he learns something he remembers it throughout, hence i dont push him much and give him his space, but somewhere i feel the space has been misused, only when it comes to writing is where i am facing the challenge, there are times when he does well, may be twice out of 10, and i appreciate him on those days and treat him as well for being good. but then it leave me confused, if he can do well on 2 days why not on 8 days, i dont expect him to be 10/10 but i want him to show me improvement, i am failing to understand if i am failing as a mother, i have decided to take him to a counselor but i going against my husbands wish as he feels there is no issue and he is just being pressurized. Kindly help as i am getting quite worried day by day.

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| Jul 23, 2014

Hi dear Michelle! The behavior pattern discussed by you could be signs of academic under achievement. This is quite common amongst preteens and adolescents too. u need to identify factors responsible for this behavior which cud be personal or self related such as poor self concept, poor study habits, disinterest in studies etc. It could be family related factors such as birth of a sibling, job of a parent, absence of either parent due to job etc. due to which older sibling feels neglected. There could be school related factors such as relationship with peer group and teachers. if the child doesn't share a good rapport in school it cud affect his/her performance. So once u have identified the factors responsible we can work on management strategies. As of now u need to motivate the chlid, give attention, praise d child at every success .discuss the problems faced in school. it is advisable that the tone should be calm and composed and not complaining while discussing. The other parent also needs to take an active role and make up for the lost time by spending quality time with child and taking active interest in his studies. U cud take the help of class teacher as well as school counselor. hope this helps!

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