Parenting

Bullying in school

Ruchi
7 to 11 years

Created by
Updated on Nov 19, 2012

My son aged 10 years is a gentle kid, not aggressive and dosent believe in using his hands to get his point across.... it is this habit of his which is restricting him now I feel.... cause he just cannot hit back also. I feel he has got caught in a curcle where he is being bullied by most boys and he is unable to make friends easily. His class gets shuffled each year so there are a new set of boys, and he is unable to befriend them..     He prefers reading to mingling with other boys and so getting more and more isolated... My heart goes out to him when at times he gets really upset with other peers behavior towards him....   i have discussed this with his teacher and he is an above average student but I as a parent am grappling as to what is the right way to help him deal with this....   waiting to hear your views!!!!

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Ruchi

| Nov 24, 2012

Thanks.... will keep you updated on how it is going...

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Neetu Ralhan

| Nov 24, 2012

Hey Ruchi, here's a blog on this issue: https://www.parentune.com/parent-blog/bullying-timely-intervention-and-action/163

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Neetu Ralhan

| Nov 22, 2012

Yes Ruchi, I do not believe in the adage 'an eye for an eye, what I meant was to tell the child to stand up against aggressive behavior and let the other party know it wont be tolerated.. it probably came across the other way! ..Dr. John's advice did open up a new door about teaming up with the school, and give this serious issue the attention that it deserves.. hopefully for your child, this will soon be history. tc

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Ruchi

| Nov 22, 2012

Neetu, I like your suggestion if making friends with the bully.... but guess at this age for me to encourage that is a bit tight cause firstly my son dosent want to be friends with such boys... and secondly such boys already have a group and you know how tough it is to get into them... although my son dosent have too many friends and I keep telling him that having them will make him more secure... so I basically feel that whatever teaching as a parent I will give him might help him when dealing with difficult people in life... and that is a concern... what exactly should we tell our kids... hit back is nt the first option I know...

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Ruchi

| Nov 22, 2012

Thanks so much for your views!! As always I tell him to react boldly and aggressively without using his hands.. but a person is bound by temperament too....

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Neetu Ralhan

| Nov 20, 2012

Also, when he was about 3, he faced this and one day I had to tell him he 's got to give back what he is given - after he has complained to the teacher and all. I am not sure we can mould a 10 year old into doing that now. One last thing, when the kids find out that the child is backed by parents who wont take nonsense, they tend to back out. Befriending their parents is also one way to have them on your side. We are not always going to be able to protect our kids but so long that they are kids, we can do all we can - strengthen them at home, and protect them outside!!

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Neetu Ralhan

| Nov 20, 2012

Hi, my child is 11. This can be so stressful.. I faced this but before it got on full swing, we had to change his school due to distance form home.. I still fear my child will face this now in the coming years. What I would do today if faced with this situation - I would go and meet the kids, try to befriend them but not make it so obvious so as to give the edge or to have my child thinking I am trying to save him, I would perhaps arrange a get together for these kids, and try to create an experience (s) which leave them liking my child , knowing more of this background and liking us in general. these kids simply need guidance, if we can break through to them, it works.. I would simply break through into this group of trouble makers and use both firmness and friendly ness to get what we need. I have tried this in a diff situation, one only discovers that all such kids are not so bad. at the same time, if the bullying is severe,I would make noise about it to the school admn. But I have seen what works best is to befriend the enemy. And slowly mould my child to e able to stand up for himself in future situations. They will keep facing such things.. tc

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