Discipline

Hi Padmaja K M! Welcome to Parentune family! Well I appreciate yr concerns regarding disciplining yr child. I am sure you are doing a great job as a single parent. It is really good u have joined a forum where in you can share yr concerns. It is advisable to set few rules for the child say not watching TV for more than 2 hrs in a day. Allotting a time slot for all activities including studies, play, physical activity etc. While communicating the rules make the child sit down, look in yr eyes. Make sure u r firm in yr tone and share with him the consequences for not Conforming to rules. The purpose is not to scare him but to make him be disciplined. U could try out these options if child doesn't conform a. Taking away priveleges say for ex not being allowed to watch TV at all if he doesn't obey. b. Time Out is another option. c. Make him help u with certain household work say watering plants, feeding pet etc. d. Praising him for conforming to rules. This works more with kids as they look for appreciation in even small things they do. Try and be open to yr child in all yr discussions. Play his favorite game with him once in a while or watch his favorite cartoon alOng. This would strengthen the bond between u two. Even small gestures like hugging,kissing yr child, even patting his back would bring u both closer. Try and spend weekends together by doing activities together such as going out, studying, watching a kids movie, playing cricket etc. Avoid raising yr voice or hand on the child. This could make the child retaliate and further disobey u. Hope this helps!

Padmaja K M, You could strike a balance between disciplining and indulging. Things which cannot be compromised, such as sleep time or safety, are a no, but otherwise about other things, relax the rules. Saying no too much also dilutes the impact. About TV, figure out a way to spend more time with him such as play puzzles, board games, sorting etc... you might need to take time out for it and sit with him initially. Once he develops the interest, he will figure out that playing with mumma is more fun that sitting alone and watching TV all by himself... and if you are a working mom, maybe you could send him to a daycare for 2 hours or so where he uses him time more productively than watching TV. you could organize playdates and call his friends over or send him to his friends house. Honestly, most parents are at the same juncture... so if you could plan a playdate routine, they will be happy to have all the children together.

Thanks so much for the suggestions shikha and rachna I will definitely make sure to implement it.... I do work and after school hours my son is with my parents. He blackmails them about not having food if they don't budge to his demands... he does the same thing with me too. I am not complaining. .. but even I feel sorry for my child... his father is alive but of no use... he never took care of me or him .... and that makes my parents too angry about my husband. They complain against him and in turn of my stupidity in believing him and giving birth to my son. They talk about this in front of him .... they even insult me. .. which I think have made my son to not respect my concern towards him. Please help me. He is still a child. I don't want him to become a bad man like his father. I want my son to be a respectable man. Please please help me. .....

Hi again Padmaja K M! I know what I am going to say would be little difficult to practice but if done would make things easier for u and yr son. 1. Forgive yrself first for marrying that man. It just that things didn't work out. It can happen with anyone. 2. Forgive that man. I know it is difficult but since he is yr past and u can't change it. The more u would accept it is over, the sooner u would realize bad days are over . By forgiving him u would attain inner peace. 3. Avoid criticizing yr ex husband in front of yr kid. He would not only feel bad but would hate his father too. With hatred in his heart he will always be unhappy and would feel sad thinking about him. 4. since kids generalize easily. U could tell him, not all men are alike. There are good people Also. 5. You could tell yr parents too not to criticize u and ur ex hubby in front of yr kid. As u rightly said the child would not respect u if u r bring insulted again and again. 6. As I mentioned earlier u could try and strengthen the bond with yr child by spending time with him on weekends or watching his favorite cartoon along with him or playing games together. Your kid needs yr love and support to overcome whatever has happened. Let this chapter be closed to begin with a new beautiful chapter with no grudges or complaints or regrets. For this u need to be strong and come over yr past asap only for yr child's happiness. Hope this works out.

Thanks shikha. ... but we are not divorced yet... my husband and mother in law still bother us by sending people to us by making others think that it is only my fault and not my husband's. .. these things erupt now and then and my mental peace is at stake.... they terrorise me that they have every right on my child and will take him with them.... my husband calculates the money spent for my son... hardly he has spent. ... these things really bothers me.. can a parent calculate like that... whatever we earn and whatever we do is for them only right? And what ever his mother says he does... may be if she tells to kill us he will do that too. But I will definitely try my level best to forget my past and will definitely strive to be happy with my son.