Created by Shabana M J Updated on Jul 29, 2015
My son will turn 4 this November. He has a little sister. It is siblings rivalry that gave this spitting habit a start. He doesn't like his well washers to pick her sister and caress her. He is getting posessive. To gain attention he has started to spit around the house and sometimes at family members to show his unwillingness Otherwise a nice soft natured boy. We include him and teach him to share love and things to her sister. He plays with her and she loves her brother more than anyone. He too likes her and doesn't want to give her away to any third person hands. The problem starts when he is yelled or shouted for his mischevious activities like hanging door,throwing things around and running. He sometimes squeeze her hands out of anger that she has taken his place. I speak to him politely and try to discipline but he has started to spit on her little sister too. Please share your suggestions.
| Aug 19, 2015
Any more response
| Jul 30, 2015
Hi again! This behavior of pulling her legs or pushing her away could hurt her or both of them. It is advisable u could narrate stories with the help of pictures or videos available on net which gives the message that physical hittting can cause hurt. how docs had to treat on Lil one and how this meant further moving away of parents as they had to go to hospital with Lil one (GOD FORBID ). U have to be careful to not to scold the child for any such behavior as whatever he is doing is to gain yr attention and love. The more u would raise voice or punish him, more the deviant behavior and more drifting away from sibling. Also he would consider his sister responsible for coming between him and parents. So it will be kind of a vicious cycle. To break it, please make sure u do not raise yr voice or hand on him.
| Jul 29, 2015
Except the collage I have tried all wat u mentioned. He wants her in his lap. He will hold her tight and then push her immediately. He will pull his leg down wen I hold her. He wants to be in my lap wen I feed her. Even while bathing her. I explain to himm patiently it would hurt the baby. I get his help for simple chores to get diaper,dress and tissues. He does help willingly. I still don put him down i try to give him more importance as he is an introvert and keeps his feeling with him. He does not speak up. In his presence I don pet her too. Still he feels I love her more than him.
| Jul 29, 2015
Hello Shikha! Thanks for the time and effort. Your valuable comment holds place. thanks. I see ur active in helping out. God bless.
| Jul 29, 2015
This marks the beginning of jealousy between siblings thereby sibling rivalry. U could try following steps in order to strengthen the bond between siblings. 1. Try and give equal attention and love to both. 2. Bring gifts for both and not one. 3. Avoid scolding one for other. 4. If older one does mistake such as hitting Lil one or spitting in this case, don't outrightly scold him. Just be firm in yr tone and ask him to stop. U could tell him how his this behavior could lead to Lil one falling ill as spit carries infection. 5. U could share with him how much his sister misses him when he goes to school. 6. u could show him once in a while their pics of good times such as him holding his sis in his lap or kissing her or hugging her. 7. U could display some pics on the wall or make a collage of their pics with his help. 8. U could ask him to take care of his sibling when u r busy with u r work. Praise him for being so good and doing so well. This way he would feel responsible like an older brother. please keep an eye when they are together so as to avoid any mishap. 9. both are kids so u need to deal with both of them with kids gloves. 10. try and listen to what he has to say and empathize with him. 11. Celebrate their bond by making them do something special for each other. 12. Never compare them with each other. Hope this works.
| Jul 29, 2015
Hi Shabana ! Having a sibling is indeed a major event in the life of a sibling which he/ she needs to come to terms with for various reasons such as: 1. His parents would be shared with a sibling. 2. His belongings would require to be shared with his sibling. 3. the attention and love he was getting would be divided. In other words his territory won't be his alone now.