Parenting

Grandparents Interference

Samar Dabra
1 to 3 years

Created by
Updated on Sep 25, 2014

Hello everyone. I want to ask you all that what os the way of telling grand parents that we could make a child grow well. Why always tgey are so interfering? even in case of eating. If i say no to somethings they will give my child that thing like in case of fried food or very sweet food. How to handle that? Please help. Thank you. Samar

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Charuta Modak

| Oct 07, 2014

Also you can take them to a family counselor or child psychologist. In this way when they will come to know that their thoughts are because of gen gap from the experts itself, they will calm down. This is will help u surely. Though this sis a common problem it needs to be rectified asap otherwise kid's habbits get affected.

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Charuta Modak

| Oct 07, 2014

Hi Samar,Make it a habbit that every time u or ur husbad visits peadtrician with your kid, take ur inlaws with you. on al ighter note ask the doc abt ur doubts which u feel are wrong doings by grandparents. so when the doc itself will reject their(grandparents) thoughts abt upbringing or health issues, both of u will get a stron point in your support while explaining them at home.

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Charuta Modak

| Oct 07, 2014

Hi Samar,Make it a habbit that every time u or ur husbad visits peadtrician with your kid, take ur inlaws with you. on al ighter note ask the doc abt ur doubts which u feel are wrong doings by grandparents. so when the doc itself will reject their(grandparents) thoughts abt upbringing or health issues, both of u will get a stron point in your support while explaining them at home.

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Samar Dabra

| Sep 29, 2014

Hi Kavita !! Maybe you are right. But i have seen the partial behaviour ya. U r saying that we should think about our brother and all thing but y cant my mil see the same point that she also have a daughter. We arr someone's daughter too yaar.. This is a never ending debate topic and we are here for our child issues and not for this. So let it be... !! this remains same.

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Kavita Yadav

| Sep 28, 2014

Dear Samar and Mansi.... Relax take a deep breath you will feel better. This was on a lighter note :) Well sweethearts - yeh har ghar ki kahaani hai where there are grandparents. And when I say that I mean reflex and look at your mayeka (your parents) and if you have a brother who is married and have kids you will be able to relate what I mean to explain. Dear I know its really tough when we are in that situation - I also live with my in-laws and face such a situation every now and then. But the Thumb Rule is "Never to say a word to anyone i. e neither lecturing in-laws nor scolding the child". Handle them individually - explain the ill-effects of excess fried-food, sweets or junk-food to child when grandparents are not there by showing videos or through story-telling. And talk to your in-laws separately in a very polite and caring way (especially mom-in-law) because that is more easy I believe. Explain her the difference between how a healthy child performs better than a child who is more into junk foods and sweets. And last but not the least its a phase which will pass and you need to see what suits your situation best. And that every point is valid its just that we r not able to see others point of view. Hope it helps. Happy Parenting !!!

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mansi

| Sep 27, 2014

Same problem i also face for my 4year child.. in matter of eating they hv somewht convinced but they are so pampering that even when child is wrong n need to show my anger... they will interupt n take his side n will scold me infront of child... bcoz of this my child gets negetivity for me n thinks that "mumy to pagal hai bolti rehti hai ".. it becomes vry difficult to handle parents n child at a time... their love towards baby is beyond words but their behaviour is hindering me...

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mansi

| Sep 27, 2014

Same problem i also face for my 4year child.. in matter of eating they hv somewht convinced but they are so pampering that even when child is wrong n need to show my anger... they will interupt n take his side n will scold me infront of child... bcoz of this my child gets negetivity for me n thinks that "mumy to pagal hai bolti rehti hai ".. it becomes vry difficult to handle parents n child at a time... their love towards baby is beyond words but their behaviour is hindering me...

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mansi

| Sep 27, 2014

Same problem i also face for my 4year child.. in matter of eating they hv somewht convinced but they are so pampering that even when child is wrong n need to show my anger... they will interupt n take his side n will scold me infront of child... bcoz of this my child gets negetivity for me n thinks that "mumy to pagal hai bolti rehti hai ".. it becomes vry difficult to handle parents n child at a time... their love towards baby is beyond words but their behaviour is hindering me...

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mansi

| Sep 27, 2014

Same problem i also face for my 4year child.. in matter of eating they hv somewht convinced but they are so pampering that even when child is wrong n need to show my anger... they will interupt n take his side n will scold me infront of child... bcoz of this my child gets negetivity for me n thinks that "mumy to pagal hai bolti rehti hai ".. it becomes vry difficult to handle parents n child at a time... their love towards baby is beyond words but their behaviour is hindering me...

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Samar Dabra

| Sep 25, 2014

Yes you are absolutly right Shikha. I will see to that points. Thank you so much... :)

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Shikha Batra

| Sep 25, 2014

Hi Samar! Take it this way Grandparents love their grandchildren more than their own kids. Believe it or not but that's a fact. But sometimes they go overboard to make them happy even if it wud mean giving them fried or sweet stuff to eat. They haven't gone through literature or have access to facts to understand the harm caused by these things in d longer run. If we make them understand the harmful effects I am sure they wud not even in their wildest thoughts do something like this which woukd be a risk to their grandchild's health. So u cud take following steps: 1. Please never humiliate them or confront them for their this action. this wud effect their relationship with u and d kid too. 2. U can b calm and put yr point and strike a conversation rather than playing a blame game. 3. U cud support u r points with facts by showing them on Internet or reading out books to them. 4. U cud suggest them healthier alternatives. 5 . U cud take their help in preparing these so that they too understand the difference. Please be calm in yr approach as who knows few years later our kids might not like our behavior with our grandchildren n behave in a similar fashion as they have watched us behaving so .Hope these suggestions are of some help!

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Samar Dabra

| Sep 25, 2014

Thank you Shruti :)

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Shruti Maheshwari

| Sep 25, 2014

Hii Samar, in any case ur baby shud b ur priority. No matter what ur child needs u first... things can wait ! U need to talk to ur husband n tell him ur concern.. he will make his parents understand!

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Samar Dabra

| Sep 25, 2014

Ok... I will.. Thank you one and all.. You all are really helpful. And one thing i would like to ask you is how to manage the situation when your mother in law wants you to be in kitchen but at the same time your son needs you. I have a lot of time this situation when i am in the middle of doing something. She did not help me so i had to ignore my baby. she hold the baby but he didnt stop crying. I,at that time, feel helpless. What to do?

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Ravina

| Sep 25, 2014

hello Samar, to begin with, don't worry. this is a common problem and don't take it to seriously. Just choose and pick the points where you need to speak up and be firm and where you can let go. Lay some rules--such as no interference when you are reprimanding the child etc. Things will eventually turn out alright.

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Shilpa

| Sep 25, 2014

Hi Samar, this is more about generation gap than anything. The older generation relied on traditional methods of child upbringing while we, believe in science and facts. All you need to do is convey to them that things have changed, parenting has changed and our ways can be more condusive for the child as he has to survive in the new environment. But also, remember, this is like an on-going situation. Ideally, relax where you can--sweets and fried foods are ok once in a whilte; and speak up on things that are vital for your child's growth.

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Samar Dabra

| Sep 25, 2014

You are right... Thank you but i do the same and if i do they behave so weird.

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Parentune Support

| Sep 25, 2014

Hi Samar Dabra , Thank you for sharing your concern with us. We understand your concern. While you receive suggestions and inputs from fellow parents on parentune, in the meantime, here is a link which deals with the concern area mentioned by you and may be of help- https://www.parentune.com/parent-talk/our-behavior-towards-child/1194

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Ankita A Talwar

| Sep 25, 2014

Hi Samar, this can be a very difficult situation no doubt! You will just need to firm up and tell grandparents, the way things are--what is good for the child and what is not! Do not make it an argument, but give them facts that what harm fried food can do, and why sweet food is not good. If you can give them articles from newspaper to read on the same or from the internet. Subtly, share information, doctor's advice etc. Also, rope in your husband's help if you think you will need to. Set boundaries for eg: sweets and candies are occasional as a treat once a week; disciplining is something where the child is best left to you and your husband; but playtime, naptime etc, can be grandparents domain. This should help.

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