How to get my child stop lying
Created by Sapna Updated on Sep 10, 2014
My 14 years old son lies to me all the time. If I ask him if he’s done his homework, he says yes even if I know he hasn’t. Ask him where he’s going and he’ll tell me he’s going to a friend’s house when I just know he’s got somewhere else in mind. Is somebody else facing the same situation ? please help!
| Sep 14, 2014
Hi Sapna, the most difficult years of parenting is when your child is a teenager. There is nothing to panic as long as you share a loving bond with your child. Teenagers believe them to be a grown up now but the problem with Indian parents is that they don't allow them to grow. They need there space. They don't think they should be pestered for things that is his/her responsibility (like HW, assignments, dealing with friends, etc. ). Trust your teenager in their revolting age. Even if you know that he/she is lying don't confront them. Trust them and even if they ask you "call my friend" assertively tell me giving the clear message that you trust him/her.
| Sep 11, 2014
Hi Sapna,,children generally start lying when 1) they know it is okay to lie 2) when they get away with it. To counter the first, ensure none of you are lying in front of him even for small matters such as lying to a friend for not going over to her house, etc. , or telling someone you are sick, when you are not 2) do not support his lies in any way.. if he doesn't do his homework or misses school and asks you to write a note saying he is unwell, don't. Let him bear the consequences. DO not lie on his behalf or support any of his lies. Tell him how his lies can put him into trouble. ALso, casually talk to his friends and find out if someone has the same habit from where he is getting the ideas. Do not be overbearing but be strategic.
| Sep 11, 2014
Hi Sapna, Maybe this is just his way of asserting himself and telling you that 'I am the master of my own life'. Be there and support him. Do not ask direct questions such as 'Have you done your homework' where you know he can life; instead ask him indirectly 'By when do you think you can finish your homework'. Also, tell him that by lying about where he is going, he is putting his personal safety at risk as in case of emergency you wouldn't know where to reach him.
| Sep 11, 2014
Hi Sapna, this can be a tricky situation. If you pressurize him, he might become defensive and you can't let it be. Does he lie only to you or to other family member as well? If it is to you, Ideally, have a calm word with him in an understanding tone. Keep yourself calm and do not scold or blame him. Tell him how it distresses you as you love him and are concerned about his safety. Also, try and understand the source of this habit--do you interfere too much in his routine/life, ask too many questions, give too many dos and don'ts to him? Sometimes, just to skip scrutiny of parents, children do this. Respect his growing age, teen years, and though monitor him, but from a distance without being too obvious or dominating. Where you can possibly do, support him so that he starts feeling comfortable with telling you 'I didn't feel like studying and so didn't do my homework' and then figure out ways together, with him, on how to reduce his dilemma. hope this helps
| Sep 10, 2014
Hi Sapna,Thank you for sharing your concern with us. We understand your concern. While you receive suggestions and inputs from fellow parents on parentune, in the meantime, here is a blog which deals with the concern area mentioned by you and may be of help - https://www.parentune.com/parent-blog/teen-speak-teens-share-why-they-resort-to-lying/252 you may also watch this video- https://www.parentune.com/video/details/?v_id=21