My Daughter is not affectionate towards me
Created by Updated on Aug 12, 2015
I work as Mechanical Engineer in a reputed company. My office timing is 8. 30 to 5. 10. I have to leave my home at 7. 05. When my daughter was just 4 months I had to join office. I was allowed first shift by my boss. So my shift was7. 00 to 3. 10 and used to reach home by 5. 10 When she was sleeping. My In laws never taught her about whoI Am to her and where I go. Instead they treat themselves and also teach her and ASK HER TO call my in laws whaT SHE CALLS her as mother and father.. Aai -baba. After working and feeling tired.. i used to refresh myself and felt that my daughter was waiting for me at home.. but now a days she doesn't want to come to me.. she cries when I try to take her from her grandmother. she is 1. 6 years old now. I am struggling when I come from office to spend time with her. But she doesn't want me. even my in laws never try to make her close to me.. they never told her who am i? they will speak about neighbors,each other but not about me. So how my small daughter will love me??what should I do rather than crying all time???
| Aug 12, 2015
Hi Sneha Shinde! A child is one of the most innocent and beautiful creations of God with just one basic demand of love. Whosoever fulfills that demand becomes close to their heart. Since in this particular case yr child has mostly seen yr in-laws around right from the age of 4 months till now and got that demand of love being fulfilled by them, she considers them as her primary caregivers . I feel there is no harm in it. Rather asking yr child to call u mother AND NOT THEM having arguments with in-laws on the same would put u in a bad light in front of the child as she would see u not behaving well with them. It is advisable to try and take following steps:1. It would be appropriate to take it as a positive thing, that yr daughter is fortunate enough to have such caring,loving grandparents with her. Accept this reality that they have taken care of her and please try and be thankful to them for the same . As long as they are not teaching her negative things about u ,it should not be a cause of concern. 2. Try to build the mother child bond by making small gestures like playing with her, helping her dress up, feeding her, taking her out, making her favorite dishes,etc. 3. U need to bridge that gap by loving people she loves the most. When she would see u, coming close to them, sitting with them,talking to them, going out with them and her along say to the park, she would try and connect with u. 4. U can tell yr daughter that they are her parents as well. she can call both grandparents as well as her parents as Aai and baba. 5. Try and be happy about the fact that u have such caring and loving people around and she is safe with them. This will reflect in yr behavior automatically and would take away all unnecessary stress. Hope this works.
| Aug 12, 2015
Thanks Shikha.. !!! I have implemented this before but sometimes I get hyper since I dont spend much time with her and feel like She should just spend half an hour but she never. My husband explained me about letting her free rather than getting disappointed. So when she will grow.. will She atleast know I am working for her???
| Aug 12, 2015
Sure she would understand this Sneha! But for her to come closer to u, u need to work on her and do certain special things for her as I mentioned earlier. Make the most of weekends. Go out for family picnics, take her on swings in the park, watch cartoons with her, sing rhymes for her, dance with her, hug her often, tell her often u love her, take off for her when she is unwell. Gradually she would understand u and start loving u too. I am sure yr decision to work leaving such a small child would not have been easy one for u and u could work only because u have caring support at home. Rest assured u r a GOOD MOTHER who wants the very best for her child. Tkcare!