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Parenting

My son often lies

Namu
3 to 7 years

Created by
Updated on Aug 14, 2015

Hi, my 7 yrs old son often lie to me everyday.. regarding his school, friends. .anything related to him. When I ask him , why he lied to me. .He simply said he scared of my anger or being scolded. .then he says sorry at times. ..but the very next moment. .He makes another story. ...M very tensed with his behaviour. ..kindly suggest to get him rid of ths lie behaviour

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Shweta Srivastava

| Sep 07, 2015

Hi... read all the comments above... can relate to the problem.. my son who will soon turn 8 lies sometime to me that too over silly thing.. like if i ask did u drank water he'll say yes and that too with such conviction that i used to believe him untill i caught him.

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Namu

| Aug 15, 2015

Thanks shikha and Carol for ur useful thoughts sharing with me. I would definitely try to follow these ...really very helpful tips.

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Carol

| Aug 14, 2015

children lie for the following reasons 1. fear of facing the consequences (being punished or scolded) 2. To get attention from friends or appreciation from you through his cooked up stories aiming at boasting himself 3. it's amusing to see the reaction from you when you get fooled. In your case you are aware why he is lying. i. e scared of being scolded for his mistake. So instead of scolding him ask him what consequence he can face for his mistake. He need not be scared of facing you when you use an alternative punishment like removing some of his privileges. of course he will be disappointed when you remove his privilege. but he will definitely try to correct his mistake. Ask what he could have done better to avoid the mistake. help him overcome his mistakes, after all consequences are to correct his mistakes in future. Check if the consequence or punishment is at a matching intensity with his mistakes. for example when he doesn't listen to you, making him skip his screen time for the whole month is too intense. apart from being lied to you will also not succeed in correcting him as he can do the same mistake in that time interval. let the consequence be short and immediate so you can give him a chance to correct his mistakes. explain to him how trust is important in a relationship and how you feel when you trusted him and he broke that trust. Also explain he will lose people in his life(friends) if he breaks their trust. Very often I keep telling my son "I trust you completely that you would come to me with whatever confessions you have to make. " It has always helped me. When your child confesses something, dont forget to tell him that you feel proud that he was brave enough to come and tell you and you appreciate it. Then your lecture can follow. :-) hope this helps.

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Shikha Batra

| Aug 14, 2015

Hi Namu! This time the change is required to be made in oneself, the reaction to which will be change in the child's behavior .Please check for the following: 1. Is the first thing that is done the moment he is back from school , is queries about what happened in school? 2. Do u ask him to share everything that happened in school/ hobby class etc. ? 3. Do u give yr views in between by saying_ why u did that? Why u didn't do that? 4. Do u scold him for behaving in a particular way? If the answer is ' Yes' to these questions then u could try a different way of dealing with this situation. 1. Avoid nagging the child, to share what happened in school/ hobby class/ etc. the moment he is back .Let him relax and come to u on his own when he is relaxed. 2. While he is sharing, please avoid sharing yr thoughts. Try to be a good listener without passing judgements whether he behaved correctly or incorrectly. U could rather wait till he is finished with his side of the story. 3. In the end ask him, does he think there was another appropriate way of behaving in that situation? If yes,what would have been the appropriate way? Self realization is the best way to bring a change in behavior. 4. Give him freedom to take decisions for himself. In matters involving him, ask his choice. For ex- what he would like to wear, eat or go on a weekend etc. Children start cooking up stories to see happiness on our face. They have realized by now, what can give us happiness and what can make us angry. It's time that we as parents realize , what gives them happiness. Hope this works.

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Namu

| Aug 14, 2015

Thanks drishti, I will take a note of it.... very well explained. ..Thanks a lot

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Drishti

| Aug 14, 2015

Hi namu The reason why your son lies to you is just the simple that he doesn't want you to scold him or make you angry. He says sorry not bcoz he realize that he made a mistake, it bcoz he realize that he made you angry. Don't be too strict with your child otherwise he'll always lie. Try to become his friend, first listen to him and then share your views rather than just disagree with him everytime. More you'll try to understand him, give him freedom, lesser are the chances that he'll lie.

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