Need help about child anger

Hi Preeti! Please answer these questions to help me understand better. A. Is she staying in a joint family? B. Has anyone been talking bad about or behaving badly or rudely with the mother ? C .Is the mother too strict with her child? D. Is the girl upset about something with her mother? E. What is the reaction of other adults say father to this behavior of the girl? Thanks.

Hi Preeti! The questions asked by Shikha are absolutely perfect. Children do not behave badly by nature. They are provoked to behave otherwise due to the actions and reactions of people around. I am assuming that people around might not be patient with your niece and expect her to be prip and proper in everything she does, which is where most of the elders go wrong. She may be getting scolding every now and then for everything she does and thus the anger and the hatred. If the assumptions are true, then the solution is very simple. Let her be and do not impose manners or behaviourism to her. See to it that everyone is not reprimanding her everytime. Appreciate her, spend quality time with her and just listen to her. With just these steps to begin with, trust me you will see immediate changes.

She lives in joint family. Her mom is very strict and wants her daughter to be perfect in front of others. No one is bad towards her mom rather everyone at home tries to patch her up with her.

Sorry forgot to include ...her parents both mom and dad get irritated with her tantrums specially her mom. My niece prefers and feels happy and safe with her grandparents.

Hey Preeti! Good to hear from you. Thanks for answering. Well, I would just advise parents to slow down a bit and not to forget that they are dealing with a 5 year old child. Punitive disciplining might make her retaliate and not respect her parents as has been happening already in this case. They should come up to her level and understand from a 5 year old's point of view. In the race of making her a best child, who will be a winner in every domain, they will loose her in the end. Also it might have serious reprecussions when she grows up into an adult and might internalize few undersired behavioral patterns. Children when dealt with love show more positive behavior. You could make them understand this or take the help of a counselor. Hope this helps!