Child Psychology and Behaviour

Sibling conflicts

Meenu
All age groups

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Updated on Jan 17, 2014

Hi parents, I have 2 sons, 8 yrs and 5 yrs old. My problem is that they both keep fighting with each other for almost everything. They do not listen to me. I try to make them understand that they should not fight and love each other but they don’t seem to understand. Please help.

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Meenambigai Rajesh

| Jan 20, 2014

Hi, though the fights have not stopped the bond has grown thick. I can see that they express their love through fights. But I monitor and some times crack a joke and try to make the situation hilarious. It has always worked and of course they are kids they often forget for what they fight.

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Meenambigai Rajesh

| Jan 20, 2014

Hi Menka, sibling conflicts is a part and parcel of life. I had the same feelings u have worded, I wanted( always want) my kids to love each other. When I asked for help to stop this sibling fight from my parents, they said after 1 or 2 years the scenario will change. Of course it changed but the fights got different dimension. I waited for 2 more years. The fights did n't stop but changed dimension once again. Sometimes I used to feel why can't there be an option as seeing a horoscope and giving birth to a sibling who can get along well with the first one!. One day they had a serious fight and both of them came to me and shouted in my ears - 'who is correct, u support me?'. I was totally drained of my energy and sat in one corner without uttering a word for ten minutes. I sat like a zombie even when they shook me. After some time my daughter said to my son - 'hey come on, this lady is not going to help us anyway let us solve our problem ourselves'. That was an eye-opener to me . From then on, I enjoy the sibling fight as a spectator and never involve in it and never advise any one.

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Anurima

| Jan 17, 2014

Dear Menka, you may also find some useful tips to handle your situation is the following blog. Here is the link: https://www.parentune.com/parent-blog/sibling-conflicts-and-beyond-nurturing-kids-dynamically/296

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Shikha Batra

| Jan 17, 2014

Hi dear Menka! I can understand what u r going thru and I believe each n every mother who has two kids can relate to ur worries and have a similar story to share. I would like to mention few pointers. ONE: never compare ur kids thereby praising one and asking other to be like him. TWO: give them their exclusive space. They may share same room with different almirahs, shelves, drawers etc of their own . THREE: allow them to resolve their conflicts in a closed room without adults intervention. FOUR: u cud ask them to do some of the activities together like packing bags, brushing teeth, helping each other tie laces etc, FIVE: when u know for sure one is at fault never scold in front of each other. U cud share what u expect in a different room at some other time. Embarrassing in front of each other wud widen the gap further. SIX: set examples. U cud be their role models by accepting when at fault. SEVEN: never entertain complains about each other from them by simply saying u r not interested. EIGHT: u cud plan out family outings in which u cud delegate responsibilities to both in packing and play games like football, cricket, etc in which they can be in one team and u and ur husband in other team. Siblings love each other only when it comes to sharing their belongings, having personal spaces and things are concerned there are difference of opinions. These differences can be resolved with time, patience, ur efforts and perseverance. Hope this helps!

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