Created by Prameetha Updated on Feb 10, 2013
Hi, I am new to the group and need help. I have 2 daughters 6y and 4. 4y. My younger one always seems to think that the stuff/thing/toy her sister has is the better one and always insists on snatching things from her. Even if they have exact replicas , the younger one always has to get what the elder one has taken in her hand. We even let her choose first. She still repeats this. This results in a fight. My elder one does give in sometimes but i feel bad to request her to give in because shes also a child. My younger one is very very stubbron. She will cry when denied and make life difficult for all at home. Please suggest what to do. I may have unknowingly contributed to it in some way(by saying "see akka is doing it well. you also shud try and do like that ) Need all your suggestions.
| Feb 11, 2013
Thank you so much. I will try and talk to her as suggested and hope for the best.
| Feb 11, 2013
I agree with Payal that having one child submit to a sibling's unfair demands can really mar the child's confidence and can have lifelong implications.
| Feb 11, 2013
Yes Prameetha, like Neetu suggested, never, EVER give in to temper tantrums. This little angels are actually very clever and will pick up immediately on your point of weakness- if I scream, Mamma will give it to me. Yes both your children are small, in fact 2 years difference is hardly anything when it comes to maturity. Expecting your elder daughter to give your younger one her toys will eventually potentially lead to bitterness and may be a lifelong issue between sisters. You have to be careful how you treat them both. The younger should not sense that she is more important hence she gets everything she wants, and the older should never feel that she is being bypassed. Take it from me, if this ever enters her head, she will be dealing with self confidence issues all her life. Probably you need to show them clearly that they are equal and "akka" is not liable to give her things to the younger sibling. Talk to the younger child separately. Tell her you expect her to be kind to her sister and that she will get the benefits of her kindness through love and respect and lots of hugs and kisses. Set a rule- every time your younger one behaves well, she gets a hug from both you and her akka. Give her motivation to stop her tantrums- not through material, but non material things- like telling a story, or a kiss or a hug.
| Feb 10, 2013
Hello Prameetha. Welcome to Parentune ! Mostly how our kids behave is our own doing, isn't it :) . Your little girl is probably just trying to have all the attention showered on her and make sure akka loses out :). The child is perhaps only playing out her insecurity in ways she knows best. And in ways she knows she can have the family surrender. We want to indulge our children but at the same time we can't have them making life difficult for us as well as their siblings. I suggest you try n be firm with the little one. Gentle yet firm. You would probably have tried every trick in the book by now. Please try this. Communicate. Even with a four year old it works. Take her out alone n shar with her how it makes u sad when these things happen, that you appreciate her n wonder why she does this. You might just get a clue. Set rewards for the times when she behaves well. And if your family can bear the screaming :), try not giving in to the temper tantrum few times. Hops this helps. Tc.