Created by Updated on Sep 21, 2015
My daughter has entered her teens. She is arguing a lot in everything. She back answer a lot. Please advice
| Sep 21, 2015
Hi Deepa kansara! We all have been there done that as teenagers. These are raging hormones which do not let them accept things at face value for example if u tell a 4 or 5 year old child not to go out alone as it could be dangerous, he/she might believe u and not dare to do so bUT a 11 or 12 year old would still try and find out for self. He/she would like to go by what her peer group told them 'it's cool to go out at night' and also to avoid embarrassment from getting labeled as a 'chicken-hearted'. try and understand the pressure on yr child: 1. Bodily changes which becomes difficult for her to comprehend as she still doesn't know is she the only one going through this and would not like to discuss with u and friends as it's a tabooed issue. 2. She is trying to make her own self-image which has a direct link with her self esteem. So she's still grappling with issues where she might /might not like the way she looks and doesn't want to be labeled'different/loser/uncool/ bore/fatso/shorty' by her peer group. 3. The constant power struggle between parents and peer group where both are dominating and child doesn't know whom to listen to. 4. Hormonal changes which have a directing bearing on mood, emotions and sexual feelings. So don't be surprised if yr girl confirms from u 10 times and wants u to ratify how she looks before going out or spends almost half of her day in front of mirror. 5. Attraction towards opposite sex again thanks to raging hormones. 6. Feeling now that they are grown ups and should take complete charge of their life. Anyone who tries to challenge this belief is sure to bear the brunt. So it is advisable to empathize with yr child as she is going through a rough phase. Don't try to judge her as'rude' by the way she replies as it is her confusion which is reflecting in this manner. trust me she doesn't intend to insult you or answer back or hurt u. It's just that she's herself trying to figure out answers to questions from pandora box which just got opened as soon as she entered puberty.. give her time to come to terms with this phase. Praise her often and please avoid criticizing her for her decisions as this would make her have low self-esteem. Just consider yrself fortunate as that this is time to call yr daughter yr friend and we always help a friend in their high as well as low phase and never judge them no matter what. share with her over a cup of coffee or while driving her to school/hobby class how u managed to sail through same situation when u were of her age. try and make this beautiful bond that u share with her strong so that she herself comes and seeks yr advise and She realizes soon Mom is just giving her opinion and it won't be a bad idea to follow it either as she is a friend too. Hope this helps!
| Sep 28, 2015
Hi Deepa, I guess we should think about how we were, history repeats itself. Also nowadays teens are more aware so we need to be careful in dealing with them. Be a friend but at the same time let them learn and experience..... tell them its ok to go wrong many a time, only if you learn from it.... Dont worry, things will work out
| Oct 26, 2015
This is a typical issue with teenagers. After puberty, a lot of changes happen in the brain. A lot of neural connection reconfiguration happens. At this age,the conscious mind propels for making individual decisions rather than following other's advices. These teens resist if someone intervene in their choices. As the conscious mind is still developing, so their ability to discriminate what is right or wrong is weak. Try to observe their behaviour and the influencers to those behaviour patterns and try to adopt indirect ways rather than direct interventions. Slowly and slowly,they figure out what is right or wrong. They may make few wrong choices initially but with setbacks they will learn about right and wrong. Be patient as this is a time of big physiological change dominated by strong emotions to make an impression of one's individual self.