How strict should you be with your child?

There has always been this debate around parenting, whether one should be calm and friendly about it, or strict. Ask a distraught mother who is unable to understand why her child is underperforming at school and ends up reprimanding him by either yelling or probably hitting in the heat of the momentmaking herself party to being judged as a bad parent. To add to her guilt, there are a gazillion articles stating why you should never hit or scold your child as that can instil fearand rebellion in her. Sometimes and in certain instances, strictness is the only way out. But then, how strict can you get with your child?Perhaps, we can talk about altering the strictness quotient and toeing the fine line between being a parent-parent and a friend-parent. Here are a few suggestions: 

1) Don’t deprive your child of mild pleasures: For instance, having an ice cream or a chocolate is not bad unless it leads to a sickness in the child. Also, show your child some visuals on what happens with over consumption of chocolate/or take him to a doctor who can explain it to him. Help the child understand moderation and excess, and that anything in excess is bad.
2) But Then Do not give in to every demand of your child: Expectations if not fulfilled may create a sense of grudge in the child. If a child asks for something and you feel, it is not required, share an easy to understand explanation with your child. Talk to your child like an adult.
3) When you mean a no, be firm: Sometimes, a child may throw a tantrum for no reason. And the crying and wailing that follows may not stop until you add a pinch of firmness to your tone. Look into your child’s eyes and assert a clear NO.
4) Make TV an ally: TV is a nuisance. TV is an idiot box. TV is a bane. May be, or may be not completely. Now, here is to what I believe: TV is educative. TV is a stress buster. And that is, if as an adult you can exercise some control on the time duration and the content. I have never told my son, “Don’t watch TV.” However, I tell him how too much of TV watching,non-stop, can affect his eyes. I encourage him to watch his favorite shows on Nat Geo and Discovery. And, I realized that TV watching can be transformed into a learning experience depending on what you show to your children and by defining a specified time duration.
5) Reason with children: Have you ever observed how a ‘don’t’ or, a ‘don’t dare to’ or, a ‘Never’ tempts a child to impulsively disobey. For instance, my son has a sweet tooth and loves biscuits. When I used the words like ‘don’t’ and ‘never’, I realized that he would impulsively want them more. Perhaps, forbidden fruit is always tempting! Perhaps, a child likes to assert himself in face of a tie with an adult. So instead of saying “Do not eat too many biscuits or your tummy will ache”, I rephrased the sentence as “If you eat too many biscuits, your tummy is going to ache and you will also have bad breath. Now, do you want your tummy to ache and have a bad breath?” That was enough to help him understand the why. It works most of the times.
6)Inculcate discipline: Routine formation at a tender age is a blessing for the parent and the child. To help a child into a routine happens only with a blend of subtle and strict parenting. Sometimes, the strictness quotient ought to be raised when the child takes your efforts for granted. I have grown in a household where my mother was extremely strict about a routine in my younger days. Those days, I rebelled a lot (though I always ended up doing what she said, eventually). Today, I thank her for having been strict with me. Discipline and good habits are life long virtues. So, even if they require a little bit of a firmness, pursue it for the betterment of your child. Say, like early to bed and early to rise, eating healthy and to be proactive on the academic and extra-curricular front on a regular basis and so on.
Now coming back to the question: How strict you need to be with your child? As a parent, you are the best judge. While inputs from others can guide you, you may also end up being a confused parent! No two children are the same and so every parenting style needs to be unique! Believe in your abilities as a parent and in your child! It will not be a cake walk but it will definitely give you a perspective :)

Happy Parenting!