How to raise a gender-neutral child?

This is an incident that left a deep mark on my conscious and I was forced to think that why we are still stuck to the adage that this is for boys and this is for girls. As parents, my husband and I wanted to give our daughter everything that she wanted or deserved be it a car or a doll. But this one incident forced me to acknowledge that unless we as parents change our thinking our children will continue the same old gender discriminating thoughts. So what was the incident you may ask? Well here it is.

Few days back some of our family friends visited us. The family comprised of a beautiful couple and an adorable 5 year old boy. It's always so pleasing to see family members or friends dropping by. More than me or my husband, it's my daughter's excitement to see people and children around that makes us happier to welcome our loved ones into our home. I guess it is same for all of us. Children were happy too to see each other.  Ok so far so good. Everything was happy-happy so then what was it that disturbed me?

It was not the incident that disturbed me, it was the reaction to the incident that disturbed me and left me thinking for a long time. It so happened that both the children the son of the family friend and my daughter were engrossed in playing when suddenly my daughter fascinated by the bright yellow colour of the toy car the boy was carrying took it from him and started playing with it. The boy naturally got upset and went to his father. And this is how his father consoled him that irked me like anything, “she is a girl and you are a boy remember that. Girls don't play with cars, only boys do. So do not worry she will return it to you.”

I was sitting just next to my daughter and hearing the father’s consolation, I was taken aback and was forced to think that who knew that the toys/games that are a child's very first friends can also create gender discrimination? But then I realise, if we look around everything is about gender discrimination – from the day the baby is born – blue for boys and pink for girls, dolls for girls and cars for boys, In house chores girls, earning bread and butter boys (though the line is shifting these days but it is still a long way to go).

Post this incident, I became quite restless and though I was smiling and talking (being the ever-gracious hostess) I was seething inside and decided that for my daughter there will be no gender specific toys, clothes or anything that is considered manly by this patriarch society. Yes, my child is a girl and if she loves to play with cars or any vehicles toys, then definitely she will play. Because she is a girl, it won't limit her in having her own choices. A child's psychology and behavior start developing from a very small age through our style of parenting. If you feed into a child's mind these gender discrimination then definitely they will have the same mind set forever. Not only in the world of toys but in real life too boys can cook and girls can drive car.

Gone are the old days when there was a huge gender discrimination and I think today's educated parents should nurture their children appropriately from an early age because our children are our nation's future and we can build a stronger nation only by teaching the correct things in fair way to our little ones.

Parents are the first teachers and they should always try to teach equality first. In school, kids can up skill the curriculum but the basics of life are always learnt at home from parents. In my situation here I can say that I do not have control on others' minds but definitely I have control on creating the right and better environment for my daughter to grow and shine. If she is discouraged anyway then she does not deserve that person or that surrounding by any chance then it's my duty to see to it that she is at the right place.

If any girl from such a tender age starts hearing such things then she slowly moulds herself accordingly and limit herself in many things. Whatever we feed into their mind they become the same. This time I could not correct the boy's father thinking a big issue may get created out of a small thing that might create a glitch in our friendship but I was wrong. I cannot accept anything wrong. Because I would not want my daughter to hear such things further so next time if this happens I will definitely confront and correct the other person especially when my daughter is around so that she can learn never to live with anything wrong and always be open to keep her own views.

I will teach her equality and how to face different situations that are not always in favour. I will teach her always to have a positive outlook and raise a voice for any wrong if happens. But at this stage when she is so small to act on anything, I have made a promise to myself that I will never let my daughter be in wrong surroundings and with wrong people be at any cost. I have decided to make her emotionally strong and encourage her to live a positive life.

Have you too?

Now my hubby has bought a similar car and many other vehicle toys for our daughter and I am so delighted to see her enjoying. I am blessed to have a supportive hubby who is a wonderful father too. His positive outlook towards life inspires us a lot. Giving a child the right surrounding to grow is the best that we can do for them. So let's begin this from home first!

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