Stop scaring your child with imaginary ghosts

To make my daughter finish her food, I used to commonly conjure up an imaginary old man to frighten her. "Eat your food fast otherwise the old man with the big beard will come and get you" was a common sentence being used by me to instill fear in my child. But I realized my mistake when there was some repair work going on in the house and the sound of a drill machine scared my daughter so much that she shook like a leaf and kept repeating that “He is coming, he is coming.” At that point, I saw red flags. This was not what I wanted to do to my baby. So, the first thing that I did was calm her down and show her that the sound was just of a machine. I took her to where the mechanic was working and showed her the drill. She calmed down after that and wanted to watch the mechanic some more which I let her do, from a safe distance.

This episode was a learning experience for me. Ever since this incident,I have never tried scaring my baby with unknown beings. Rather, I use the reward-consequence system if she finishes a chore on time. Gone are the bearded old man, the tiger and the goblin and my little one is a happier, more confident child.

Here are some other ways in which, as parents, we consciously or unconsciously instill fear or wrong values in our child.

1. Cartoons: Cartoons like Chota Bheem, though are about how good wins over evil, leave impressions in your little one’s fragile mind about witches, bad men, villains, demons, and devils. It is best to avoid such shows.
2. Fairy tales: Unfortunately most of our fairy tales are rife with stories of cruel step mothers, evil queens, or witches who lock up damsels in towers—again something that may leave your child with a profound negative stereotypical images.
3. Fear of failure: How often have you caught yourself comparing your little one to an older sibling/cousin for simple jobs such as who finishes off their glass of milk first? “Let’s see who comes first” is a common adage used by parents to push a child to do something quickly. This can leave the child with an unnecessary feeling of competitiveness always, a discomfort, or just frustration in case the older one finishes his milk first.
4. Fear of punishment: We often threaten our children with the consequence of locking them in a dark room/bathroom. This gradually may leave your child scared enough to not want to sleep alone. Also, using the threats too often may breed resentment.
5. Fear of teachers/doctor: Again something that parents frequently fall back upon to convince the child to obey, but in the long run, a child who takes this seriously may resist going to school or to the doctor’s clinic.

Therefore, it is best to avoid scaring the child into obeying—rather a bit of firmness and non-negotiations about things such as meal times and food, work better. Try it!