Branding my child and other parenting follies

Mamma, I don’t want to be a good boy. I want to be naughty.

It can be somewhat heartbreaking, you might agree, when your child’s words make you realize that you may have erred somewhere in bringing up your baby.
I am sure you have had your own share of moments where you were completely taken aback, awestruck, humbled or allow me to say, put in your place by something your child said to you, catching you off guard and you not having the slightest idea how much their innocent words could shake your ground so much.
On the flip side, it is also deeply heartening that these little people can so effortlessly open our eyes to new realities we fail to see on our own.

“Mamma, I don’t want to be a good boy. I want to be naughty.” My son, also my only child, was about 7 or 8 when he said these words to me. From the time he was a toddler, he had always been referred to as the quintessential ‘good kid’ in the family.
Each time he displayed the restraint we unfairly expect of our little ones, or greeted adults on our behest, didn’t break a toy or just contained his naughty spirit, he was called the Good Boy.
And then one day when he couldn’t bear to wear the good-kid hat anymore, a 7-year-old told his mother he wanted to be naughty like his cousin, four years his junior.
A Harsh Realization

For a mother who is predisposed to believing that she is doing the best job as a parent, moments such as these can be harsh. And now she must acknowledge, her part, in the entire journey that led her child to this moment: all the years he bore the burden of living up to the good-kid tag, unknowingly adapting himself to be the person everyone expected him to be. And then finally reaching a point where he must tell his mother to stop calling him a good boy.
And she must also acknowledge the hidden meaning behind his simple words. Perhaps what he meant to say was, “Let me be the naughty boy I am.” Or “let me be who I am.”
In trying to do be the best parents, we tend to falter so much. Thankfully, our children rein us in before we go too far out.
So the good thing was that I immediately stopped addressing my kid as a good boy, and in subtle ways tried to make sure he didn’t have to live up to an image anymore. Yet again, my child had shown me a way I didn’t know existed.
Don’t Tag Me, Mum

This incident apart, it took me years to learn that I can’t brand my child an introvert or an extrovert. He behaves differently in different situations and that he is a person, not a personality trait.
I can’t brand him slow only because he takes time to grasp Math. I am told he is exceptionally fast at learning musical chords. I must not brand him lazy because he doesn’t like studying a certain subject. I must not tell friends and family he is this or he is that. Or encourage people’s tendency to tag children by observing them at social gatherings.
I have learnt that tags are bad, even if they sound good to a parent’s ears.
At the same time, one learns that it is impossible to never go wrong at this tricky job called parenting. Goof-ups are unavoidable, but you do wish someone could have told you these things the day you became a mother.
Today young parents have access to communities such as Parentune where they can share the ups and downs of parenting with fellow mums and dads. The realization that you are not the only one facing hair-raising situations is in itself a relief, in my experience.
The only problem, however, is our unwillingness to accept that we may need to tweak our pre-set parenting agendas from time to time.
Luckily, our children keep reminding us every once in a while, that we are raising individuals, not photocopies of socially applauded personality types we consider perfect!
Today my kid is 13 years old. Call it conditioning, but I need to constantly keep reminding myself that he does not fall into any of the pre-defined categories from my own childhood.
Have you inadvertently assigned a tag to your child, weighing him or her down?