Parenting

Good touch, bad touch -- know the difference

Lubna
3 to 7 years

Created by

Good touch bad touch know the difference

With increase in the cases of child sexual abuse and child abduction, every parent needs to be alert for the safety of their child. This calls for certain steps to be taken by the parent including teaching the child what kind of touch is acceptable and what is not.

What is touch?

Touch is a feeling which makes an individual feel good or bad. It is a means of contact and communication which has many forms like patting someone's back, holding hands, shaking hands, kissing forehead, cheek etc or beating someone, kicking someone etc. Let's talk about it and its types when it is about making a child comprehend its type - good or bad.

Good Touch: It is a touch that makes one feel safe. It involves actions like patting on the back, kissing on forehead, cheeks, holding hands, shaking hands, or running with each other holding hands. All these point towards harmony or well being.

 Bad Touch: It is a kind of touch that doesn't make a person feel good.  It kind of hurts, as for example when someone beats you, kicks you, pulls your hair etc. At times, it makes one feel petrified. In addition to the ones mentioned above, there is a touch that involves private parts, bad intentions etc. For this, the child must be informed so that he/she knows what kind of touch is acceptable and what is not.

How to talk about good touch and bad touch with your child

But first, we as parents must take the responsibility of talking with the child about this clearly. We should sound confident and approach them with a completely clear and transparent concept of touch. It is our duty to teach the child the exact difference between good and bad touch so that the child knows how to interpret things, which shouldn't leave him/her in a muddled situation. For that, the approach from parent’s side needs to be correct.

First of all, speak to the child about "private parts". Parents shouldn't hesitate in speaking with the child about it in clear terms. Use the right terminology for the private parts such as breast, penis, hips etc. Explain to the child that these parts can be touched only by parents or someone who routinely takes care of the child and that too while cleaning them or giving bath. If others try to touch them (or even people familiar to them touch these parts without a reasonable cause), they have the right to say " NO". Give the child full authority of his / her own body.

How the child can ask for help:

  1. Shout loudly and say a firm No. This way of expressing dislike about a particular incidence requires courage that needs to be imparted by the parents.
  2. They need not be frightened about anything and should be clear in saying that  " I shall report this thing to my parents, grandparents" or whoever is close to them.
  3. Inform the child that if someone tries to tell him to keep certain acts as secrets, never to do so.
  4. Most important of all, if your child tries to convey such things to you, please trust your child. Be vigilant about his/her surroundings. Take the child in your confidence and communicate.

As parents, the safest way to keep your child safe, is to empower the child with the right knowledge, and also have a very trusting relationship with him where he can confide in you for anything (remember research shows that most cases of abuse happen by people known to the child rather than total strangers!)

So, proper education is essential and initiative has to be taken by us. Let's not wait for the right time, let's start it right now.

 

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| Sep 17, 2017

Very valuable information, thank you Mam. But again I want to ask one question that, in our families and friends there are members who, Pat on the hips, of our children and pull their pants down in front of everyone,pinch on the hips etc,... And what is the reason explained by them is because they are doing mischief. This is a common thing, if I'm not wrong in our families.. At this content being a mother when I look my child's face he is blank... he don't know what to say, whom to say, the action done is by family member with a smile, so is it normal... But still I can see little embrassment in child's face. Some times the grandparents say "Arey hamara to mazak ka rista Hai n all"So how can we stop this, awareness is also necessary for elder members of family. As small children will be confused in learning bad touch and got touch. And also cannot differentiate either they are abused or not by some close members.

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| Sep 16, 2017

thanks for sharing such very important information.

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| Sep 16, 2017

very useful information lubna. thank you so much !!

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| Sep 16, 2017

useful cont

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| Sep 16, 2017

LLL l l l l

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| Sep 16, 2017

when kid starts to learn their body part like eyes, ears, nose we can add their private parts also at that time. I teach my daughter like this way. Now she learnt to shows her private part only to mommy.

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| Sep 16, 2017

good information ....

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| Jun 09, 2017

when the child is able to understand body parts, able to express properly, this varies from child to child

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| Jun 09, 2017

wat is right age to start this education

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| May 30, 2017

good information ... parents should make give this information to their children

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| May 30, 2017

useful information

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| May 30, 2017

so much useful information

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| May 30, 2017

very useful information.......

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| May 30, 2017

thanks for the imformation

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| May 30, 2017

very useful information thanks for sharing

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| May 30, 2017

Very nice

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| May 30, 2017

thanks !!!!!

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| Jan 25, 2017

thanks a lot...... for sharing

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| Nov 17, 2016

Thank u for sharing these useful tips.

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| Nov 11, 2016

thank you for the information

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| Nov 10, 2016

Very usefull message.. And I had alredy started

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| Nov 10, 2016

Good awareness

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| Nov 10, 2016

nice information. helpfull also.

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| Nov 10, 2016

gud information. thanku

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| Nov 10, 2016

thanks for useful post

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| Nov 10, 2016

very useful message thanks for educating us

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| Nov 10, 2016

Nice message.

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| Nov 10, 2016

at what age should we teach a boy about good n bad touch??

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| Sep 28, 2016

really helpful for each parent... thank u so much

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| Sep 27, 2016

Thank for this blog. it's very useful for all of us.

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| Sep 12, 2016

Very nice message

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| Aug 31, 2016

Hi Lubna Thankyou for this blog. It is extremely important to empower the child with knowledge to protect him/her from any such incident. However i think we also need to know when is the appropriate age to talk about these things considering a child as young as 2 or 3 years are also sometimes susceptible to untoward incident. What according to you should be the right age to educate the child?

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| Aug 19, 2016

@Manvi- I didn't get ur comnent

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| Aug 19, 2016

LL

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| Aug 19, 2016

Very useful.

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| Aug 17, 2016

very useful

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| Aug 16, 2016

thank u for sharing these useful tip s.. but one thing i would like yo ask u that.. if someone is following our child and trying to do something bad and our child after knowing all this.. says No and like u said "i will report to my parents". I think would this type of movement will led her to a life risk?? culprit can do anything with our child. Actually what should be the right for our child in that situation ...our kids are our world.. so what would be appropriate..

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| Jul 15, 2016

@Varuna- the time when kid is able to understand things, it should be started then gradually. Its like how we make kid teach parts of body, eyes, ear, nose etc, we must start focussing on this as well. It varies from kids to kids. Ideally, before the child goes to pre-school, we must try to teach kid about it.

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| Jul 14, 2016

what's the right age to tell about good and bad touch?

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| Jul 14, 2016

Well said lubna, please keep on writing on related issues it's really helpful.

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| Jul 13, 2016

So enlightening. The parents of present generation kids need the information. Thanks a lot.

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| Jul 13, 2016

A really informative blog which s highly needed nowadays. Thanks for it

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| Jul 12, 2016

useful information. Pls do guide up by ur blofs

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| Jul 09, 2016

a very informative write up . thanks

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| Jul 06, 2016

very well written lubna. your guidelines are really helping for us.

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| Jul 05, 2016

@Punjal- the time when kid is able to understand things, it should be started then gradually. Its like how we make kid teach parts of body, eyes, ear, nose etc, we must start focussing on this as well. Lt varies from kids to kids. Ideally, before the child goes to pre-school, we must try to teach kid about it.

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| Jul 05, 2016

At what age should we make our kids understand about Good Touch Bad Touch concept.

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| Jul 05, 2016

As mothers we need to sensitize our children about these matters.

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| Jul 05, 2016

Quite well written blog Lubna. Loved the way you have written it in so simple language

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