How to Help Your Child Deal with Peer Pressure?

As human beings existing in society, we are all prone to getting influenced by the behaviours and actions of those around us. If someone around you is trying out something new – it could be something as simple as an exotic dish or a new exercise regime - it’s only natural that you would be curious and even inclined to try out the same. This is called peer pressure and one of the most important lessons that you can learn in your lifetime is how to deal with peer pressure. It is crucial to understand that in order to be happy and content, you do not need to follow the same path that others are taking.

As parents, this is probably the most important lesson you can impart to your kids. Children are more impressionable and they are often influenced by the actions of those in the same group; children may feel that they need to act or behave in a certain way in order to feel like they belong or to be respected and liked among their peers. Peer pressure is not always bad, but as a parent, it is your duty to ensure that peer pressure does not become overwhelming for your kid. This article explores the multiple ways in which you can help your kid deal with peer pressure in a healthy manner.

What Is Peer Pressure?

Peers are people who are in the same age group and social group and consequently, peer pressure refers to the influence that people in the aforementioned groups can have on each other. In other words, peer pressure refers to the influence of people belonging to similar age brackets and social groups to behave, act or even think in a specific manner – something that they would probably not be inclined to do themselves. For instance, if your child is keen on joining a particular club in school because their friends are doing the same, that’s peer pressure. Similarly, if your child insists on staying out late because their peers do so, that too is peer pressure.

Peer pressure, as a matter of fact, is unavoidable. In fact, engaging with peers and peer pressure is one of the cornerstones of social and emotional development for your child. Child psychologists have proven that a healthy relationship with peers can ensure that your child grows up to have a healthy and functional social life as an adult. However, for children, especially for teenagers, peer pressure can be intense. It can make them fiercely competitive and even vulnerable as the need to be accepted and liked by those around them can be overpowering.

Positive And Negative Peer Pressure

There are always two sides to the coin, and it’s the same with peer pressure. There’s often a negative connotation with peer pressure, but the influence from peers is not always bad. For instance, if your kid is influenced to take on a new course at school or join a new club, that’s perfectly acceptable. In fact, peers can sometimes support and encourage each other to do better and aim higher than they normally would. Similarly, peer influence may affect the way your kid behaves in social situations or how they respond to certain situations. Peer pressure can help kids develop a better understanding of what is wrong and right; for example, if they are mocking someone in class, a friend may point out that it is not okay to make fun of others, thereby leading to the former rectifying their behaviour. These are some of the examples of positive peer pressure.

However, in some cases, peer pressure can have negative impacts. For example, if your kid is being influenced to bully others, behave rudely, skip classes or some extreme forms of behaviour like trying drugs, then these are some examples of negative peer pressure. Kids want to fit in more than anything else. The desire to belong in a social group, to look cool and be accepted by peers can be a powerful driving force and it may push your kid in the wrong direction. This is where parental influence can help. Instead of worrying about your kids’ friends and the kind of influence that they might have, it’s crucial to create a nurturing and supportive environment at home where kids feel safe and can open up. In such environments, kids would feel comfortable telling you about the kind of peer pressure they are facing and enable you to come up with ways of tackling it.

Tips To Help Your Child Cope With Peer Pressure

If you’re in a situation where you want to help your child deal with peer pressure but are not very sure how you can connect with them, we’ve got you covered. Here are some tips to help your child deal with peer pressure:

Share Personal Experiences

Kids are more likely to respond to personal experiences and stories than you simply telling them what to do or what not to do. Everyone has faced peer pressure at some point in their lives and you can narrate an instance or two when you tackled peer pressure in a healthy manner. It could be examples of when you stood up for what you felt was right, even though others did not agree, or if you felt excluded and isolated because you refused to blindly follow what others were doing.

Talk to your kids, that’s the best and most important thing you can do. Tell them what you did, how you felt and what you did to cope. Such heartfelt conversations could foster trust and would make your kid feel that they are not alone. It would empower them to take the right decisions.

Do Not Just Focus on the Negatives

It’s important to make your kids understand that friendships don’t always have to mean negative. When you talk to them, focus on the positives as well. For instance, you can highlight moments when peer influence enabled your kid to do better at school or take up extracurricular activities that they may have missed out on otherwise. Good friendships are key to surviving in a competitive world, and your kid needs to understand that.

At the same time, teach them about warning signs and red flags as far as negative peer influence is concerned. This would enable them to take the right call if they ever find themselves in a situation which does not align with their principles, beliefs or values.

Play Out Potential Situations

Kids respond better when they are able to visualise a particular scenario or situation. Role playing or playing pretend might have a deeper impact than just a conversation about peer pressure. You could come up with scenarios where peer pressure could steer your kid in the wrong direction and teach them ways of tackling such situations. This would include equipping kids with clear, assertive statements that they could use in unfavourable situations. Preparing them also means that your kids will come to you for advice if they ever find themselves in such situations.

Create A Safe and Supportive Environment At Home

Often, kids succumb to negative peer pressure when they have no one to talk to or open up to. Picture this - on one hand, your kid is getting influenced by their peers to act or behave in a certain manner and on the other hand, they’re terrified to bring this up at home out of fear of being reprimanded or punished. In such situations, they’re likely to take the easy way out, which is to go with the crowd and partake in activities that could land them in trouble.

The onus is on you, as a parent, to create an environment at home where kids can feel safe opening up, without fear of being judged or punished. They should be able to turn to you for advice, without having to worry about the consequences. It’s also your responsibility to ensure that you educate your kids, instead of berating them or humiliating them even if they have made mistakes. For example, if you find out that your child has been skipping classes along with peers, you need to highlight why that is wrong and what they should be doing instead of right away punishing them for it.  

Teach Your Kid the Importance of Saying ‘No’

Assertive and clear communication is probably one of the most important skills you could be teaching your kids. It will come in handy not just while dealing with peer pressure, but also in later stages of life. Assertive communication involves clearly saying “no” when you are not comfortable through statements like, “I will not do that” or “No, thank you” or even “That is not the right thing to do”. Practice with your kids over and over again, till they are able to execute the same in real-life situations. This will also help your child develop self-awareness and confidence.

There is no way to ensure that your kid remains untouched by peer pressure. As parents, you will always want your child to have a healthy social life and friendships that nurture and encourage them to grow. But it is equally important to make your kids understand that peer pressure does not have to become overwhelming and that they do not need to act or behave in a certain way to be accepted and liked. As parents, you will need to set boundaries with your children and educate them about the dangers of getting influenced. Creating a safe space at home will empower them to share their thoughts and feelings and discuss peers without being judged.  

FAQs

1.       What is peer pressure?

Peer pressure refers to the influence of peers, or members of similar social groups and age groups, in order to act or behave in a certain way.

2.       Is peer pressure always bad?

No, peer pressure is not always harmful. Peers and friends can often influence you or your kid to take positive actions – which may improve your quality of life.

3.       Why do kids give in to peer pressure?

Kids are more vulnerable to peer pressure because of their need to be accepted by others and liked or respected.

4.       How to help children cope with peer pressure?

It is important to create a safe space for children to open up about their thoughts and to teach them about assertive communication that will prevent them from being caught up in unfavourable situations.

Sources:

Clasen, D. R., & Brown, B. B. (1985). The multidimensionality of peer pressure in adolescence. Journal of youth and adolescence, 14(6), 451-468.

Psychology Today, 3 Ways to Help Children Deal with Peer Pressure | Psychology Today

Haun, D. B., & Tomasello, M. (2011). Conformity to peer pressure in preschool children. Child development, 82(6), 1759-1767.

Ogelman, H. G., & Kahveci, D. Coping with Peer Pressure and Social Emotional Well-Being in Preschool Children. International Journal of Educational Spectrum, 6(2), 191-203.