Is your teen turning into a rebel?
Created by Sugandha Tiwari Updated on Jul 10, 2017
Teenage years! This is often a hot topic of discussion in every family that has children in this age group. These are the most adventurous years of a child’s life. Their primary aim during this time is to seek independence, assert themselves and explore their new found identities. Most importantly they seem to be rebellious at all times. But, what causes them to behave this way?Read ahead to find out more…
Common causes of teenage rebellion
- Raging hormones!
Hormones play a critical role at this age. Teenagers typically get irritated and frustrated very easily. They act impulsive and make rash decisions. Their brain activities and overt behaviour are dominated by their hormones.
- It’s just their age!
Obeying their parents at this age seems like a “childish” thing to teenagers. Even though they still want all the love, affection and approval from their parents, the little voice in their heads is screaming out loud to find their own individual identity. They want to argue, criticise and blame you for anything and everything.
- Need to fly free
Their desire for freedom stems from the same desire as finding their own identity. Rules, expectations, boundaries - all stress your teenager out. Sometimes family structures like joint families where there is too much interference by everyone around can cause rebellious behaviour. At times, families where both the parents are over occupied in fulfilling their career ambitions and the child already has a lot of freedom would not entertain rules.
How to cope with your rebellious teenager?
- Stop saying NO constantly
The brains of your young champions at this age are at the peak of exploration. They want to experiment, be flexible, have strong opinions and be assertive about them. They are like sand in your fist so to speak. The more tightly you try holding the sand in your palms, the faster it begins to slip away. Your adolescent children are just like sand, the more you try stopping them from doing something and constantly use words like NO in your everyday life, the more they will start lying to you - and in the process of defending themselves will start rebelling against you. Also if you really think NO is definitely the only suitable response to something, then before imposing restrictions calmly explain to them with love, affection and respect, the reason behind your denial.
- Let your anxiety go
Minimise your anxieties, if you worry too much then your teen will read your body language and much before you say something to him/her, s/he would already start interpreting your worry regarding him/her. Sit with your teen and discuss your concerns at length with them, encourage them to seek out solutions and you gently suggest some as well. Creating an open, honest, empathetic and healthy relationship with your teen might take considerable effort – but it sure goes a long way.
- Be honest with yourself first
As your children grow up, you as a parent need to ask yourself some honest questions like “Am I being a controlling parent, or am I being too anxious and impatient, or do I really listen and try to understand my teen’s perspective”? You as a parent have a choice in terms of parenting your teen at this stage; you can either choose to be his/her friend or choose to be a dictator. Being a friend certainly goes a long way in bridging the growing gap between you two.
As parents we must remember two important things – the first, is this is just another phase in our child’s life, and if we cope with it well, this phase will end well! Secondly – that we were all teenagers once!
Did you find Sugandha’s insights on the causes and effects of teenage rebellion useful? How did/do you cope with your difficult teenager? Do share your experiences and learnings with us in the comments section below. We love hearing from you!
| Jul 06, 2018
My problem is same. plz guide me.
| Jul 11, 2017
Hi Rina, thank you for reading the blog, I think I can get an idea of your concern as a parent, however I am sorry I really don't have an answer to your question
| Jul 11, 2017
my daughter is in 10th. once upon a time she was a good student but 7th onwards she started detoriate in studies. how she will be interested in studies plis suggest me.. after 7 month she will appear board exam.