Parenting

Let the Child Decide

Neetu Ralhan
7 to 11 years

Created by

Let the Child Decide

Intro: Curbing my child’s independence and making timely amends – A mother’s learning From “Let me do this for you” to “Why can’t you do it yourself!” all of us try our best to be mindful parents, however, sometimes in trying to give the perfect upbringing, we tend to unconsciously inhibit the child’s natural learning that make him an individual. In this blog, a proparent shares how she stopped short of making this mistake and is now taking corrective measures to encourage her son to take and stand by his own decisions.


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Bhawna

| Jul 31, 2017

facing the same situation,very helpful experience! thanks.

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Rina Mishra

| Jul 31, 2017

very nice

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Kavita Kumar

| Jul 31, 2017

very nice blog.....

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Shilpa Nandi Deb

| Jul 31, 2017

Thanks for sharing it will help us

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Kamini Pathania

| Jul 31, 2017

awesome...... really helpful for today's generation kids.

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Rubina Rai Chettri

| Jul 31, 2017

absolutely agree wth u Neetu..... my elder boy ws like that... cldnt make decissions and i had to do everything for him. like u said i realised it was bcz of me he'ed bcm like that.... but now... he's much better ...coz i've stopped spoon feeding him...

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Ranjitha Singh

| May 25, 2017

Awesome Neetu.... My daughter too is 8. 5 years old... I too was expecting change overnight.... realized the mistake.... vacations were a hell... pls give tips for having patience.. need it very badly...

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Payal Chawla

| May 25, 2017

Beautiful and true

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Kavita Kumar

| May 25, 2017

thanks for sharing...

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Asleena Benjamin

| May 25, 2017

Thanks for sharing really helful in upbringing

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Riddhi Gandhi

| Apr 09, 2017

super information

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Shraddha Goradia

| Apr 09, 2017

Lovely blog.. Thanks for sharing

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Anitha Krishna

| Apr 09, 2017

Thanks for sharing the info.

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Archana Dhakar

| Apr 09, 2017

really helpful

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Namita Marne

| Mar 14, 2017

Thanks for sharing

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Vikas Mittal

| Mar 14, 2017

awsme note.. i agree the thoughts.

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Alka Sharma

| Mar 14, 2017

thanks for sharing such a useful bl9g

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Kavita Kumar

| Feb 27, 2017

thanks for sharing this

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Rimpy Sharma

| Oct 09, 2016

hi, my daughter is 3yrs 8 months. she is very moody and take too much time to mix with other childrens. please suggest me how can I open up my baby so that she will mix with other childrens and play with them. my daughter is very talktive that is good thing.

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NEHA GUPTA

| May 10, 2016

hi neetu.. thanks for sharing such an important facts for all concerning mom's ..m also one of them as I go through with the similar stage. my eight yrs old son who is vry loving ,caring nd sensitive but on the other hand sometimes he is vry stubborn too and that time is really tuff to cop up with. but frm now onwards I seems it like an easy task.. ànd for that thanks in tons to u.

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Neetu Ralhan

| Sep 28, 2015

Savita, I wanted to add few more thoughts: From my experience I can definitely say that its children whoare really puppets in our hands, since we unknowinlgy get them used to certain things and then want to change them when we feel are inconvenienced. I wish you tons of patience and tons of regard for yourself. Us moms need these two in plenty :) As they say, respect cannot be demanded, it needs to be conmmanded. and being a good mother does not mean we need to give in to every whim and fancy. Best wishes :)

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Neetu Ralhan

| Sep 28, 2015

Hi Savita Ganesh. In your case it may have been the pampering the by grandparents and dad, in my case, it was mho first spoonfed her child for so many years and then started expecting him to be independant :) Whatever the reason might have been, I request you to focus on what we need to resolve and think less about who or what created it. I have indulged in blame games myself, and can say that it keeps us from solving the problem. Nine years old is still a child and I am sure change is possible. If we feel like a puppet in our children's hands its because we handed them the strings at one point. But its not an irreverible situation. Sharing a few thoughts that might help you: 1) To start with, you could stop showing him that oyu expect him to obey you. He will start obeying out of respect once he reaches that stage,right now we could focus on how to makehim treat his mother like another person who deserves respect and who has a will of her own. 2) When he askes you to do things that he can do himself, you could start with politely telling him that you cannot do that task because you are busy/tired, or you can firmly let him know that it is something he can do on his own. - Mix and match reactions so that the child can deal with the change. In my case I expected things to change overnight and it obviously did not work. 3) This was about small tasks around the house. I am assuming that like me, you have probably made him habitual of getting help with all his homework etc.. trust me, its been almost three years since I have been trying to change that, and we are almost there - it will take time - but you do have time - he is only 9 :)

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savitaganesh

| Sep 27, 2015

Thanks for sharing... I was worried since my 9 year old son refuses to listen and we don't bonding that well too. Please give some more tips since my child refuses to obey me and expects me to spoonfeed in all his work as and when he tells... I have become a puppet in his hands. This situation arose due to a lot of pampering by my hubby and in laws

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Curious Mommy

| Sep 07, 2015

Thanks for sharing neetu!

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Curious Mommy

| Sep 07, 2015

My 8 years son is making me realize this slowly.... He expects us to count his vote in family decisions... and one time he has actually pointed out that how we ignored him and how he was correct! Now I make sure I take his opinion on every small things... he feels special. But there are few things like shampoo/cloths, he will wait for me to say... May be little more time is needed for him

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Neetu Ralhan

| Jul 17, 2015

Hi Gauri. You are so right. The same thing happens with us when I leave Arjun alone to manage things on his own. I have done so much hovering myself and now trying to take a few steps back when it got too much for me to handle. May I suggest you let your son become more independent. And then you will get to enjoy the beautiful facets of his real personality.

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Neetu Ralhan

| Jul 17, 2015

Thank you friends. I am really glad to see fathers taking the time to read and share their thoughts. We mothers generally tend to feel its us who are doing everything for the child but fathers are as much concerned, thought not as vocal maybe :)

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Gauri Bakshi

| Jul 17, 2015

Hi Neetu, it was a very interesting and meaningful article. I m a mother of a 9 and a 7 year old. My son exhibits two completely different behaviours. When I m around he would dismiss all his responsibilities but in the other hand when left alone he a completely changed guy. He not only does his work but also assist my daughter in completing her work. Sometimes I wonder is my hovering around the kids, is a problem?

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Ramesh Maddi

| Jul 16, 2015

Good one to know. Good explanation.

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Hemant Vaswani

| Jul 16, 2015

Hi, post reading the above blog, i get bit nostalgic as we had also passed through the childhood and received good parenting, however keeping mind the todays very busy and complex lifestyles in place, the information and the opinions shared are the one many of us keep hunting. Really its very useful blog !!! Thanks a ton !!

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Farah Sarfaraz Memon

| Jul 16, 2015

Very useful and interesting blog.... Der r many things we are unaware of.... & by reading these blogs and sharing our experiences.... It becomes easier for us to handle the situations at the right time.... We become prepared for it.... thanks for sharing it!!!

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Neetu Ralhan

| Jul 01, 2015

Hi Manish. Thank you for the feedback. Please do forward this to your wife: Arjun is now almost 14 but it has taken a number of excruciating years to reverse the dependability I built. Its a slow and painstaking process and the one who has suffered the most has been my child as I have on numerous occasions lost my temper or grown irritated with his behaviour. The pattern was set by me but it took me so long to realize that. Now in order to make him independent in the various spheres of life I have several times resorted to completely leaving him on his own, and also ended up being nasty at times just to have him learn to do things without me. In spite of this entire journey, this vacation's holiday hw was another challenge. So do try to inculcate independence as early as you can. And i can vouch for it that there will come a time when out of frustration his mother will end up sending him with incomplete hw. I suggest dont wait for that to happen. Best wishes.

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Manish

| Jul 01, 2015

Very nice blog Neetu! My nine yr old son is going through "approval seeking behavior" these days and totally depended on mom's approval from assignmemts to daily chores like 'should i shampoo my hair".. or what to wear etc. Told my wife many times to let him handle his assignments.... instead of spoonfeeding,let it go to school without completing assignment to learn better lesson

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Neetu Ralhan

| Nov 10, 2014

Hey Ramani, thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts.

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Ramani

| Nov 10, 2014

Very insightful! It is true that we will not be spoiling the child by giving the freedom to decide things. This will help them in becoming responsible.

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Neetu Ralhan

| Jul 16, 2014

Thank you Sakshi. We all learn from each other, don't we :)

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Sakshi tyagi

| Jul 05, 2014

Though my son is a toddler at dis tym,, but ur blog is gonna b really helpful for me in future. Thanks a lot ...

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Neetu Ralhan

| Mar 14, 2014

thank you Nishita

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Nishtha Dutt

| Mar 14, 2014

Very helpful blog !

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Neetu Ralhan

| Mar 05, 2014

Thank you Anurima, its mostly trial and error with raising kids, we keep learning and i feel when the second child comes around, we deal with things differently, I didnt get that opportunity :). Nonetheless, its been a wondefrul ride so far. Thank you again for the love.

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Anurima

| Mar 04, 2014

Neetu, I look forward to your blogs and prepare myself accordingly to deal with the issues mentioned in your blogs. It is always good to be prepared. Thanks Neetu for the wonderful blog :)

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Neetu Ralhan

| Mar 01, 2014

thank you friends for sharing your thoughts.

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Shikha Batra

| Mar 01, 2014

Awesome blog! I completely agree by forcing our decisions on our children they might follow because they are expected to but might not agree or like what they are doing. When children grow up it is better to allow them to have a say at least in matters pertaining to them. This will give them the sense of autonomy, responsibility as well as they will have more respect for us for giving them freedom of expression which is their right too.

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Divya Marwaha

| Feb 27, 2014

Perhaps, this is what is called mothering instinct. I think it comes naturally to all moms, but we really have to learn to let go, for the betterment of the child. And it gives us freedom too.

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