Parenting Tips - Teaching Your Toddler To Behave
Created by Lipy* Updated on Jan 24, 2019
It is not very easy for a parent to deal with a child who is used to throwing tantrums, or is grumpy or disobedient most of the times. But chiding or scolding the child is also not the solution. Instead it requires behavior modification in gentle ways, recognizing and acknowledging the reasons for the behavior and working on it. Read on to find out what you can do to help your toddler.
Why Do Toddlers Throw Tantrums?Remember that your toddler isn’t throwing tantrums to spite you. It is a child’s way of expressing independence, and he feels heard when his tantrum is met with attention. It is also a way for the child to express his likes and dislikes. This combined effect can lead to what we call tantrums. While it starts as an unintentional behavior trait, soon tantrums become learned behavior where the child uses it as an attention-seeking activity. This is the point where it breeds trouble.
Tips To Deal With Toddler TantrumsWhen it comes to controlling tantrums of a toddler, there are no instant solutions. It is a matter of making the child feel secure and loved. Here are some ways that might help:
One word – LOVE:We all love our children. But how we express our love for them, and how often is what matters. Many a time, the message we think we are sending to our child (“I’m only scolding him because I love him”) is not the one received by the child (“Mama doesn’t love me, she only shouts at me”)
- A child should feel he is loved and paid attention to, to feel positive and stay away from undesired behaviors
- Constant positive attention is the key. Throughout the day, regular hugs, kisses and instant appreciation for an activity well done reassures the child. The activity can be as simple as finishing a meal or drinking milk. Frequent admiration can lead to a feeling of joy in the child, motivating him to follow rules
- But keep the appreciation genuine. Children are way more intelligent than we presume them to be and can easily differentiate false appreciation from genuine ones
- Where the child does not deserve admiration, hold the applause back with the harsh words. It is better to give the child strict instructions in a clear, yet non-threatening, gentle way
Recognition:Every child has his own personality traits. As parents, we need to accept the fact that the child will develop individuality
- We should not expect the child to be just like us or behave like an adult, when he or she is just a toddler
- Constant criticism or regular checks on activities can lead to doubt and fuel bad behavior in the child
- As adults, we need to cherish and cultivate the child’s personality, and help him become more confident
- Observe and identify the child’s strength. Find ways to build on that strength. This will reassure the child that he will get heard and appreciated and will not have to resort to yelling, screaming or crying to get his way
Breaking Rules:A toddler is too young for rules. If the child knew the difference, she would not have behaved undesirably in the first place
- One way to initiate correct behavior is by minimizing rules at the outset, as too many rules can frustrate the toddler
- Before setting out the rules, prioritize what you want to communicate to the child first/the behavior you want him to pick up at the go
- For a toddler, safety is more important than anything. For example, rather than stopping the child from venturing and exploring the house, baby proof it. And let the child explore
Each parent has his own way of dealing with a child but lots of love, genuine appreciation and understanding the child is the first step to get him to listen to you.
Did you find this blog on dealing with toddler tantrums, useful? Please share your feedback with us in the comments section!
| Jul 20, 2016
Thank you for the valuable information.. my problem is that my child keeps hitting and pinching when i ask him to do some gud things.. like not to pour water on floor.. wearing clothes.. taking bath.. and especially for brushing teeth... he is of 2 years and i am very scared and feels like something went wrong... please help me... how can i make my kid understand
| Jul 21, 2016
Hi Sabitha, 2 years old child is too young to listen all that. At this age they enjoy by doung things, gradually he will understand why you are saying this. Water on the floor may hurt himself or anyone else. At this age they don't have the realisation of their mistakes that's why they same thing again and again. Don't worry he will understand all the by the time.
| Aug 15, 2016
My son is 5 years old. Till 6 months back I was really happy that he was such a obedient well behaved child who never troubled for studying, was listening and very loving. But for last 6 months, he has become so tantramatic, he screams and cries loudly anywhere if he doesnt get what he likes. He hits also at times. Doesn't listen at all that time. I don't know what to do. Please help
| Oct 18, 2016
Nice post. It helps me a lot. Since am taking care of 2 younger kids ( 31 months and 15 months) alone, am getting frustrated sometimes and started to shout at them if they misbehave. How can I over come this? How to engage them in activities according to their age? My elder one s very sharp in grasping new things. How to help her in learning new things?
| Jun 27, 2017
That's helpful, as this phase is really tough to handle.. My daughter is 2. 8 years old and is now having a habit of watching videos on mobile for hours. For her we are avoiding its use in front of her. However, when she sees us with mobile in our hand, she gets cranky for it. Please advise on how to clearly say NO to her.