Raising a teenage daughter – what to expect
Created by Shweta Chopra Updated on Jan 15, 2020
When Ishita slammed the door on her mom, both felt an unbreakable wall between themselves. Ishita though being in a co-ed school, was never allowed to join the school camp as her mom had her reservations and mental conditioning coming from her own childhood. Each time she contemplated and truly wanted to give into her daughter’s demand she knew something within didn't say a yes. She felt guilty for depriving her daughter, each time she looked at her through Ishita's eyes.
However, after giving Ishita all the time to cool down a bit, her mom decided to sit down and spill a few beans. She told her that she can so relate to how awful Ishita must be feeling about being deprived of such a fun event year after year. Ishita looked up at her with a single question – don't you trust me?
Looking at her calmly, Ishita’s mom shared some of her own teenage experiences. revealing that now when she looks back she feels relieved about not being a part of those camps, as her parents never allowed her. They were open-minded, understanding and all her friends including boys were welcomed at her home. But there was just one rule – no camps or trips.
While they were talking, Ishita’s phone rang displaying Rahul on the screen. Rahul was Ishita's boyfriend and it was no secret to her mom....Ishita said a quick 'call you later ' and looked back at her mom. Taking advantage of that moment her mom asked her point blank how many of your friends moms are okay with their daughters having a boyfriend?
Ishita whispered a 'Not many.’ That's when her mom told her that she will not deny her the need to grow and learn through her own experiences and relationships. At the same time she will not compromise what her own experiences have taught her. Ishita knew that it was a mutual trust between them that gave her the courage to even let her mom know about Rahul. Her mom always gave her the comfort of being herself, gently guiding her and reminding her of healthy boundaries.
Like the above incident, a mommy of a teen girl has to battle with numerous things including the kind of boundaries she sets for her girl. This causes her lot of stress, as coping with being a 21st century smart mom to not letting them move too far can create confusion to this beautiful relationship.
Here's what you – the mommy can do to cope with the pressures of parenting your teenage daughter!
1) Be Guilt free: It will not be easy but try to refrain from going on the guilt trips every time you impose a rule or the boundaries you set. We all have been there done that! Just stay firm in your decision and trust that you are doing rightyou’re your daughter. Once you are convinced about which way you want your child to be; do not give into mental pressures and the melodrama of the moment. Remain guilt free! It’s good to see your child loving you when everything is provided to them. But it’s even a better feeling when you are able to stand firm on your decision, secure in your knowledge why you chose to be there and can make her see through the importance of your decision. Be it a night spend, a school camp, a late night party you should know how to be lovingly assertive about whatever boundaries you set.
2) Share your experiences as a teen: It’s heartbreaking to feel misunderstood by your daughter, when all you are trying to do is be genuinely protective. This is where the need to speak up and share your experiences with her. Why wait for the catastrophic moment? Why not bring up your concerns on a happy day, in a happy way! When you speak to your child sharing with her your stories – good and bad experiences, examples from other peoples life stories and finally the basis on which you acquired your mindset regarding your rules, it will make much more sense to them. This will also give you a chance to know if your rules are truly authentic or fear based. They must know why you think what you think .This might encourage them to do the same.
3) Give yourself the credit you deserve: ‘'Unconditional Love' this is the term you apply love others without condition and not to yourself. How closely you hold your child to your heart is best known to you. You do everything in your power to bring that smile on your child's face. They undoubtedly are the epicentre of your life. But the tug of war between rules, studies, boundaries, discipline, routine, and demands takes a toll on how they start seeing you and in return how you start feeling about yourself. Result is you get a little harsh with yourself and start looking for ways of making up, giving in, pleasing and correcting yourself.
But to stay strong is the mantra in today’s day and age. Give yourself the credit you deserve, love yourself unconditionally. When you have conviction in your plans others will get enfolded in that energy. Your child will eventually thank you for every thoughtful rule in the book. You deserve all the love you unconditionally give. Please share your valuable thoughts and feedback in the comments section below. Looking forward to read fellow parents views on parenting your teenage daughter!
| Jan 19, 2020
Shweta Chopra u have said so much so clearly ..very relatable.
| Mar 21, 2018
Having a growing up kids is really a challenge. Specially teenagers. We need to be prepared for some mood shifts, need for more privacy, and a huge appetite! I should know, coz I have three. What really helped me a lot is finding them a mentor. It made all the difference. This site is like a virtual mentor: www. preparemykid. com
| Oct 05, 2016
woow.. very nice write up.
| Sep 28, 2016
Wow! Wonderfully articulated. Being guilt free, sharing our own experiences as a teen and giving the credit we deserve are the most essential aspects of parenting teens today. As rightly said, being assertive in our decisions is important. Reinforcement, is where most of the parents fail and give in to the demands of our teenagers, the very reason being our own priorities. And kids take the undue advantage of our liberty. Parenting a teen is no doubt a difficult task but it is a passing phase and will soon pass by. Patience, endurance and discipline are three important elements.
| Sep 27, 2016
It is what i am facing evryday. i m trying my level best to get connected with her. thanq for ur tips. expecting some more tips to handle teen daughters now a days for mothers like us.
| Sep 26, 2016
Teenage and Pre-teen are the time when -- if your connect with your child is not strong -- you may have start battle grounds at home. Hence it is important to have a strong connect with your child before she hits pre-teen. Good post Shweta.
| Sep 22, 2016
Hi U hv penned ur thoughts very nicely. Undoubtedly teenage is very difficult and it is all the more difficult to handle teenagers. Whatever we do, there remains something more to b done. Patience is the most important key at this stage.