Parenting

Tips to manage anger in your child

Ridhi Doomra
1 to 3 years

Created by Ridhi Doomra
Updated on Jan 25, 2017

Tips to manage anger in your child

It is quite alarming to see your child losing her nerves...right? Dealing with an angry child can stir up a tumult of emotions in parents. It can be embarrassing, confusing and frustrating. We tell you what to do but first know this: it’s completely normal for a child to behave unreasonably from time to time – it is a part of growing up actually! Yes, in some children, the problem can get out-of-hand and that’s when you need to prep up, before the next bout of aggression takes a toll. Here's how:

ABCD Strategy of dealing with anger in your child

The ABCD is a tried-tested strategy that you need to communicate to your child not when she is already in the 'angry moment', but right away to avoid that moment. Here what it stands for:

A stands for ‘Attention’: Help your child understand how she feels or what she experiences in her body during a bout of aggression. For instance, if she knows the tell-tale physical signs of losing control such as jaws becoming tense, the upset feeling in her stomach and the need to scream in her throat, she will be more alert to the build up. After all, it all happens in the body first - the “hot sensations” - before they manifest externally. Make your child aware of this fact and then follow through with the next step…

B stands for ‘Breathing’: When your child is experiencing any of the above sensations/feelings… she must be taught how to deal with it. Breathing calms the mind, so teach her how to breathe deeply (no matter the tension in the body). It is important that you demonstrate to her as to how to do this. You may also fake a situation: Tell your child to do a mock-up of how she behaves when anger strikes. As soon as she begins, tell her to take a moment to breathe long and deep. Inhaleeeeee slowly, count till 5; hold the breath to the count of 2 and then exhaleeeee slowly to the count of 5. Do it and show it to her. Another way to do this in small children is to give them a feather to hold in their hand and tell them to blow at it while breathing in and breathe out. After she has done this, ask her how she feels. This strategy goes a long way in teaching your child to deal with anger for all times to come.

C stands for ‘Changing The Channel’: Give your child the tools that can help her change her mood. Tell your child that it can be as easy as switching the TV channel. When we don’t like a programme, we change the channe...right? In the same way we can change the channel in our mind. So first you become aware of the body sensations, then you practise deep breathing to calm the nerves and the third step is to switch/distract the mind with a new thought. The next step tells you how you can do this...

 D stands for ‘Do Something Else’:  To switch the channel, it is important to consciously start doing something productive /creative like play a game, solve a puzzle, do some outdoor activity, write down the thoughts or playing music and dancing (really helps!), paint or anything that your child likes doing otherwise - but surely do something active to flush out the negativity from inside.

Remember this: Positive communication is the key. We parents sometimes use the word ‘anger’ quite loosely, which creates an impression in the minds of the children that being angry is wrong and they start feeling that something is wrong with them. This can create a negative thinking pattern that actually feeds anger. So do sit with your child and tell her in that being angry is just an emotion, which is absolutely normal – it arises like a wave and subsides too. It is just a passing feeling. So dealing with anger in your child is simple – invest some time to EDUCATE and HELP your child.

The ABCD is the technique I use to manage aggression in my child. Do you have some more ideas to manage anger in children? Something that has worked really well for you – please share with fellow parents.

 

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| Dec 28, 2017

thank u nice technique

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| Dec 28, 2017

thank u nice technique

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| Aug 18, 2017

Meri beti 10 sal ki hai aur WO likhna hi nhi chahti hai. Class me number nhi aata hai PR uase koi prabhav hi nhi hora hai .mai bhut presan hu please help.

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| Aug 07, 2017

thanku.. i will try

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| Aug 05, 2017

thanks i will try

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| May 04, 2017

Good. helpful

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| Mar 27, 2017

very nice formula, ABCD ....Thanks for sharing.

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| Feb 21, 2017

i divert her by starting a talk related to her fav toys or recite her fav rhymes. it really helps

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| Feb 13, 2017

i try the distraction step for my toddler

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| Feb 13, 2017

I like that.. ABCD to control Anger. Anger is not bad but an emotion. I support this thought myself. WI surely try the ABCD next time my baby goes wild.

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| Feb 08, 2017

yes it really works

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| Feb 03, 2017

Too good and very true. I observed my child. It is very tough dealing at the moment.

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| Feb 02, 2017

helpful tips

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| Feb 01, 2017

my son is 2. 9years old.. going in school.. now a days he is becoming more anger with me and others.. eats very less.. weight is 9kg

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| Jan 29, 2017

great tips

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| Jan 29, 2017

hello, My child is just one year 7 month .She is very active but one thing is wrong with her is that she start slapping as usual so please advice me how can I stop this habbit..

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| Jan 28, 2017

nice article. I will surely try for my daughter. thank you.

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| Jan 28, 2017

good article

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| Jan 27, 2017

b

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| Jan 27, 2017

Thank you to all my pro parents for appreciating and I am sure we are going to learn from each other's experiences and bring our children in a better way.

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| Jan 26, 2017

thanks

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| Jan 26, 2017

thanks Ridhi

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| Jan 26, 2017

good message

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| Jan 26, 2017

excellent

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| Jan 25, 2017

i think this blog is very helpful. once my 10 yr old son asked me that wat should he do when he feels that he is angry. i didn't know the answer bt now i know wat to tell him.

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| Jan 25, 2017

Excellent Msg... Thanks for sharing.. ill try on kids

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