What happens when you surrender?

Children are innocent. But they are also clever in getting what they want. They always find ways to get their parents to agree to their wishes. In some cases, when the child’s wish is not fulfilled, he pesters. Frequent requests by the child can sometimes become irritating. This leads to parents either losing their temper or surrendering to the child’s request.

We try to fulfil most of the demands of our child - be it for toys or games or junk food items. By doing this we fail to understand that when we fulfil their demands and wishes, we reinforce the child’s habit of making such demands. The child is not likely to learn to take a ‘NO’ from the parent.  Instead, the child learns that pestering is a good way to get what they want, and thus making it a habit.

 Three ways to overcome a child’s pester power:-

1. Never cave to a child’s pleading - This strategy not just deals with our own children but also to the children of our near and dears with whom we share a lot of affection. For instance, I have a great bonding with my uncle’s daughter (3 years old), who is very demanding and ask for toys and chocolates and candies every time I meet her. But I do not surrender to her pleading and gift her things that she needs, rather than what she wants.

2. Never lose your temper - Whenever a child starts to pester, always stay calm and never lose patience. If the child figures out that the pestering could upset the parent, then they use this as leverage. In anger the parent often agrees to the child’s request. One thing to remember is that patience is the key. With time, the child will learn the appropriate way to act and accept.

3. Make a deal - This technique is tried and tested and works most of the time. When parents make a deal with children to behave properly and do certain things like getting good grades among other things, then parents may fulfil their wish. But this is only applicable to those wishes that are not harmful to our children. For instance, my dad presented me, my first wrist watch when I came first in class-III.

For any behaviour to inculcate takes time. The child will eventually learn. But for parents, the key to deal with such situations is patience.