What NOT To say to Someone Who Just Had A Miscarriage

Riya Thomas

Created by Riya Thomas
Updated on May 16, 2022

What NOT To say to Someone Who Just Had A Miscarriage

American singer Britney Spears has announced her miscarriage news on social media. Last month, the pop star revealed that she is expecting a baby with her fiance Sam Asghari. On Saturday, the 40-year-old pop star took to her Instagram handle and shared a heartbreaking post regarding the tragic development of her pregnancy. Keeping this sensitive news as the background I have this blog which talks about what not to say to someone who just had a misscarriage.

There are times when it is difficult to know what to say to someone you know when they suffer a miscarriage, such as a close friend, relative, or acquaintance. Perhaps you feel that it would be better to say nothing since you are worried about saying the wrong thing. Women and their partners often feel a deep bond with their babies from the very beginning of a pregnancy. Mothers bitterly miss the life that grew inside them, and as parents, the future they imagined for their baby also breaks their hearts. Comforting someone who is experiencing this type of grief can be a challenge. To show your support for them, here are a few of the things you might want to do.


Comforting Someone After a Pregnancy Loss: Things to remember

Support might be as simple as listening to someone talk or hugging them.  Sometimes actions are more efficacious than words in providing comfort. The following points should be kept in mind before comforting someone who has lost a pregnancy:


  • Understand what they're going through.

  • You shouldn't try to force a conversation. Her mind may not be ready to hold a conversation after going through such a traumatic experience.  

  • Give them space to be afraid and confused. Listen patiently if they keep saying the same thing repeatedly.

  • One of the best things you can do to make them feel better is to give them your ears. Rather than offering advice, listen and validate their feelings. Many people find this kind of talking therapeutic, and it may also be a way for them to cope with such a painful experience. Try to give them the time they need.

  • Most of the time, partners of miscarried women are forgotten when it comes to comforting the couple that lost their baby. Mothers generally get most of the attention. Partners should never be overlooked.

  • When someone has a miscarriage, people tend to reach out right away, but then they go on with their lives. Recovery from grief doesn't happen instantly. Be sure to check in with your friend or family member constantly to make sure they are doing well.


The Right Things To Say To Someone Who Just Had A Miscarriage

Losing a pregnancy can be difficult for someone to cope with. Sometimes it feels as if there is nothing you can do or say. In fact, the words you speak and the support you provide may be more soothing than you think. Here are five things to say to someone who just had a miscarriage:

  1. It would be nice to say something to make you feel better, but I know words will never be enough. I am always here for you, to talk or listen.

  2. Grieving a loss like this can take a long time. Don't rush the process. Take your time. I will be with you through it all.

  3. A strong person like you is a rare find. Yet, please do not feel like you need to be strong right now. Do not force yourself. Instead, grieve in your own way and come out strong. Just know you're not alone in this. I will be there for you.

  4. I understand how heartbreaking this is. I know how badly you wanted this baby. It takes time for grief to pass. It does not matter how long it takes, whether it takes ten days or ten years, I will be with you until it passes.

  5. Despite my inability to understand your pain, I am here to hold your hand. Could we talk about how I might be able to help you during this time?


Things Not To Say To Someone Who Just Had A Miscarriage

There are many comforting things to say to someone who has had a miscarriage, but there are also words you should steer clear of to avoid upsetting or offending them. 


Here are a few things not to say to someone who just had miscarriage:


  1. “It's all right; you're young. Another baby is always possible."

  2. “Thankfully, you have not yet bonded with the baby.”

  3. “Everything happens for a reason.”

  4. “On the plus side, you are capable of getting pregnant.”

  5. “Perhaps it was for the best.”

  6. “Did you do something you shouldn't have?”

  7. “It is quite common these days; it's nothing to worry about.”

  8. “It’s okay because you still have other children.”

  9. “This way is better because the baby wouldn't have been born with defects otherwise.”

  10. “What happened on the medical front? What led to your miscarriage?”



Grief is a natural process that has no set duration and is experienced by individuals differently. When you support someone in grief, it does not mean you can remove their pain from them. If you interact with them wisely, however, you may be able to ease their stress. In a conversation with your miscarried friend or relative, you shouldn't interrupt unless they start blaming themselves. Assure them they are not to blame.

Can you describe a time when you took care of a friend who experienced a miscarriage? Are there any points you would like to add? Feel free to comment.

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