My Child Is Shy. What Do I Do?

Father to a child psychologist ‘My 5-year-old daughter is very shy, how can I help her overcome this problem and help her become more social?’ The inherent problem with this question is that it is possibly heavily weighed down by judgmental labelling. I say “possibly” because the shyness could either be just a trait that the child has, and she is growing well emotionally, or in some cases it could indicate underlying issues. Read on to find out more.

Shyness In Children

In calling a child “shy” we are unnecessarily labeling them, and making excuses or being apologetic on their behalf. What a parent needs to understand is that a child can be shy, yet be completely comfortable in her skin. A shy child is capable of being a wonderful listener and showing immense empathy.

As Shelja Sen,a child psychologist and family therapist, rightly pointed out, in a workshop on Child Behaviour, that as parents, are we expecting ‘designer childhoods’ for our children. We want our children to strive in all aspects; Do we want our child to be a ‘perfect child’. She points out that parents need to understand that each child is wired differently, each child has her own set of capabilities and drawbacks and it is perhaps not fair to expect our child to excel in each and every aspect.

Also Read: Is Your Son Too Shy Of Girls?

How To Recognize If Your Child Is Shy, Or If There Is A More Serious Problem?

If she seems happy overall, if she seems to be at peace, if she makes eye contact and is nice to be around – then even if she speaks little, this is just the way she is. If the child seems more troubled and withdrawn, refuses to speak when spoken to, or doesn’t even make eye contact, it is worth investigating further.

How Do I Help My Shy Child?

Shyness is a personality trait and not a disorder. A child who is considered shy can be highly sensitive and very aware of his/her environment; and to some other people, it may seem as if they are very absorbed in their own ideas and less interested in social interaction. Such differences in personalities are usually taken as a negative trait by adults.

• As Steven Rudolph, American Educationist, pointed out at a Parentune Parents day workshop ‘Do not push your child to be an engineer or a doctor if he doesn’t have an inclination for it. Remember an apple tree planted in Kerala will not flourish as it is a wrong environment for it. Same is true for children. Nourish them and not forcibly try and change their nature’
• He also added ‘for an introvert child, do not push him, rebuke him or ridicule him. Accept his nature. But also equip him with the skills of dealing with a situation such as an interview or at a party where his introvert nature can perhaps cause him discomfort’

If you are a parent of a shy child, it can be frustrating to watch your child struggle in many situations, especially if you have been the outgoing type. The key is to help work with your child, rather than against, his/her natural tendencies.

Did you find this blog on helping a shy child, useful? Please share your thoughts with us in the comments section!