Stay Calm - Yelling Does Not Help!
Created by Deepti Thakur Updated on Jan 22, 2019
Sometimes, parenting can seem like a constant stream of battles, yelling matches and frustrations. While parenting is a challenging journey, if yelling seems like a constant intruder in your relationship with your child, it isn’t healthy. Yelling at a child often sets him up to either just close up completely, or run away. And the third option being to fight you – which means, just more yelling. Read on to find out how you can change this pattern and find other ways to deal with challenging situations.
Tips To Stop Yelling At Your ChildOften, shouting at a child happens because of other underlying issues or triggers. And parents feel like their children “have to obey” no matter what. This need for control just leads to power struggles. Here are some tips that you can use to stop yelling at your child and deal with situations more calmly:
Take care of your health:I know it's easy to say but difficult to take care of self, when you have a child to look after. But yes, there's a way. I always pour milk in my glass too when I am pouring it for my daughter. I cut one fruit for myself when I do it for her. I put 2 bananas when we leave for her skating classes. I take her to park early morning with me where we get fresh air and she feels refreshed in the morning. So, I don't have to take out extra time for myself, which is anyway difficult. We can get innovative to combine our healthy food along with theirs. I believe that when I am happy and healthy, I am aware of my actions and I can keep a better check on my yelling
Limiting screen time:When your child is in bed, it's time for you to see WhatsApp, Facebook, and what not. We are exhausted in our role as a mom for the whole day, that we really enjoy this free time. My personal experience is that more screen time at night leaves me all the more tired, and I get up exhausted next morning too. Also, I have stopped seeing my mobile first thing in the morning. Green tea and 10 minutes breathing yoga works wonders for me
Limiting the negative activities:I remember a chat with a lady once, who complained about her children, about school, about her household chores, water problem and so on. That day when I came home, I felt vulnerable. "Oh My God!! I have so many problems in my life. My daughter doesn't listen to me, I have to work so much, I get so tired and never get 7 hours of sleep" That's what my mind was saying. So I made a decision to avoid talking to her. Negative activities drain out our energy that we should use for self-care, children, and important daily chores
Mutual check:Both my daughter and me keep a check on each other's yelling. Whenever I yell, my daughter response is "I'll listen only if you'll speak softly with me." Whenever she yells or hits someone, I say "Remember we have a promise to talk politely and no hitting, no matter what happens." These mutual checks serve as continuous reminders that work as an excellent tool to keep check on both of us
Stop pleasing everyone:It took me 2 years to understand that no matter how much I do, I am never going to be good enough. So, I chose to get out of that struggle. Now I want to live for myself, and my child. That's it. Pleasing everyone is never going to give us happiness, and it leaves us too tired and exhausted to be present for our child
Pause:Even after keeping checks, we might feel the urge to scream. Those moments require a pause. I say to myself in these situations "There is no emergency". In the beginning, nothing happened when I said this to myself. But gradually, I felt its power. I started seeing the whole situation from much calmer eyes. "Yes there is no emergency" my mind replied. We all can choose a statement that calms us down. Find one for yourself.... All of us are humans, and mistakes happen. That's okay. I have changed so much in my journey of positive parenting, still I yell some times
When I sit down quietly and find the reason for my yelling, tiredness/hunger/someone else's frustration/negative activities/excess screen time - are the answers. I say sorry to my daughter, and then I move on with a commitment to try again, no matter how many times I make mistakes.
Disclaimer: I am not a parenting expert. I am a stay at home mom. My daughter has brought me to this journey of positive parenting. I love to read books on positive parenting. Whatever methods I share through my blogs are the ones that I have applied with my daughter and seen positive changes in our relationship. I hope these methods give you a stronger mom-kid relationship. All the best to all the lovely moms!! Did you like these suggestions by Deepti Thakur? Please post your views and feedback in the comments section below we would love to hear from you...In the meantime and always Happy Parenting...
| Jun 30, 2017
Hi Deepthi! I really liked Ur article. it is also my personal experience that yelling is not at all an effective tool especially for girls. as a mother of two daughters I have learned a lot to calm down myself. actually the truth is we yell as we are very tired of doing things and have no rest throughout the day. yelling creates fear initially but later it may not do any good. patience and tolerance is the only key for parenting
| Jul 01, 2017
Very well articulated Deepti.... and yes when we go back to think that why did we yell or screamed the answers are frustration,tiredness, negativity ... and the child's actions were not so big that we had to yell...... One thing more ... a professional would write and suggest as a professional while a mother would write what she actually practiced.. good write
| Jul 05, 2017
Thanks a ton for writing this article..... I am pouring out all my warm good motherly wishes on you...... this article is come exactly at the time when I am facing a same situation as has happened with u..... U have penned down everything marvelously and have made it seem that it is achievable.... love u with all m y heart
| Jul 05, 2017
This is helpful to some extent but what if you said something 10 times to your daughter and she still don't listen to it. What if she irritates every time when i asked her to give me water. There are many things which can't be solved by staying calm. And each and every thing u cannot write or make understand in a blog. I had tried many things it does affect but does not change the situation. Either u have to do with her own way or scolding remains the only option.
| Jul 05, 2017