Parenting

Stay Calm - Yelling Does Not Help!

Deepti Thakur
3 to 7 years

Created by Deepti Thakur
Updated on Jan 22, 2019

Stay Calm Yelling Does Not Help
Reviewed by Expert panel

Sometimes, parenting can seem like a constant stream of battles, yelling matches and frustrations. While parenting is a challenging journey, if yelling seems like a constant intruder in your relationship with your child, it isn’t healthy. Yelling at a child often sets him up to either just close up completely, or run away. And the third option being to fight you – which means, just more yelling. Read on to find out how you can change this pattern and find other ways to deal with challenging situations.

Tips To Stop Yelling At Your Child

Often, shouting at a child happens because of other underlying issues or triggers. And parents feel like their children “have to obey” no matter what. This need for control just leads to power struggles. Here are some tips that you can use to stop yelling at your child and deal with situations more calmly:
  1. Take care of your health:

    I know it's easy to say but difficult to take care of self, when you have a child to look after. But yes, there's a way. I always pour milk in my glass too when I am pouring it for my daughter. I cut one fruit for myself when I do it for her. I put 2 bananas when we leave for her skating classes. I take her to park early morning with me where we get fresh air and she feels refreshed in the morning. So, I don't have to take out extra time for myself, which is anyway difficult. We can get innovative to combine our healthy food along with theirs. I believe that when I am happy and healthy, I am aware of my actions and I can keep a better check on my yelling
  2. Limiting screen time:

    When your child is in bed, it's time for you to see WhatsApp, Facebook, and what not. We are exhausted in our role as a mom for the whole day, that we really enjoy this free time. My personal experience is that more screen time at night leaves me all the more tired, and I get up exhausted next morning too. Also, I have stopped seeing my mobile first thing in the morning. Green tea and 10 minutes breathing yoga works wonders for me
  3. Limiting the negative activities:

    I remember a chat with a lady once, who complained about her children, about school, about her household chores, water problem and so on. That day when I came home, I felt vulnerable. "Oh My God!! I have so many problems in my life. My daughter doesn't listen to me, I have to work so much, I get so tired and never get 7 hours of sleep" That's what my mind was saying. So I made a decision to avoid talking to her. Negative activities drain out our energy that we should use for self-care, children, and important daily chores
  4. Mutual check:

    Both my daughter and me keep a check on each other's yelling. Whenever I yell, my daughter response is "I'll listen only if you'll speak softly with me." Whenever she yells or hits someone, I say "Remember we have a promise to talk politely and no hitting, no matter what happens." These mutual checks serve as continuous reminders that work as an excellent tool to keep check on both of us
  5. Stop pleasing everyone:

    It took me 2 years to understand that no matter how much I do, I am never going to be good enough. So, I chose to get out of that struggle. Now I want to live for myself, and my child. That's it. Pleasing everyone is never going to give us happiness, and it leaves us too tired and exhausted to be present for our child
  6. Pause:

    Even after keeping checks, we might feel the urge to scream. Those moments require a pause. I say to myself in these situations "There is no emergency". In the beginning, nothing happened when I said this to myself. But gradually, I felt its power. I started seeing the whole situation from much calmer eyes. "Yes there is no emergency" my mind replied. We all can choose a statement that calms us down. Find one for yourself.... All of us are humans, and mistakes happen. That's okay. I have changed so much in my journey of positive parenting, still I yell some times

When I sit down quietly and find the reason for my yelling, tiredness/hunger/someone else's frustration/negative activities/excess screen time - are the answers. I say sorry to my daughter, and then I move on with a commitment to try again, no matter how many times I make mistakes.

Disclaimer: I am not a parenting expert. I am a stay at home mom. My daughter has brought me to this journey of positive parenting. I love to read books on positive parenting. Whatever methods I share through my blogs are the ones that I have applied with my daughter and seen positive changes in our relationship. I hope these methods give you a stronger mom-kid relationship. All the best to all the lovely moms!! Did you like these suggestions by Deepti Thakur? Please post your views and feedback in the comments section below we would love to hear from you...In the meantime and always Happy Parenting...

This content has been checked & validated by Doctors and Experts of the parentune Expert panel. Our panel consists of Neonatologist, Gynecologist, Peadiatrician, Nutritionist, Child Counselor, Education & Learning Expert, Physiotherapist, Learning disability Expert and Developmental Pead.

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| Jun 30, 2017

Hi Deepthi! I really liked Ur article. it is also my personal experience that yelling is not at all an effective tool especially for girls. as a mother of two daughters I have learned a lot to calm down myself. actually the truth is we yell as we are very tired of doing things and have no rest throughout the day. yelling creates fear initially but later it may not do any good. patience and tolerance is the only key for parenting

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| Jun 30, 2017

thank u for ur timely article .I loose cool often on my daughter then feel bad as she is mischievous and I m exhausted .I feel bad after yelling .thanks again

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| Jun 30, 2017

oh God is have written an awesome article I m feeling much better now thanks a ton

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| Jun 30, 2017

Thanks for the timely blog Deepti...

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| Jun 30, 2017

thanks a lot i will try my best to follow your precious suggestion no matter how many times i failed.

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| Jun 30, 2017

Yes deepti. I am extremely agree with ur article that angerness and frustration is not a solution with children's. Childs became stubborn with anger. NYC articles by u. It heps so many moms...

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| Jun 30, 2017

Very well written.. n you are absolutely right. we yells at our kids mostly due to frustration n tiredness. Such blogs fill positive energy in me n help me to inculcating gentle touch in parenting.

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| Jun 30, 2017

The techniques are very helpful. I will read this blog over and over again to reduce yelling at my daughter. Thanks a lot for a very useful blog.

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| Jun 30, 2017

I will try to do as much as I can..

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| Jun 30, 2017

thanks deepti thakur

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| Jun 30, 2017

Too good a blog . ... all the points mentioned are so so true.... After reading , I sat for a minute and recalled few occasions where I yelled unnecessary on my lil princess... Thanks a ton for sharing.

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| Jun 30, 2017

very well written... all the suggestions are so true , thanks a lot for sharing it

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| Jul 01, 2017

Excellent points and I completely agree with you. I'm going to try this myself with my son.

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| Jul 01, 2017

Very nice n useful blog..

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| Jul 01, 2017

very true and positive too

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| Jul 01, 2017

all points mentioned are too good.. thanks for sharing

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| Jul 01, 2017

I completely agree with point 3 as i too realised the fact with few people and started avoiding those people who makes us feel,that we aren't worthy enough. All other points are clearly penned and very much valid to follow.

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| Jul 01, 2017

thnx for sharing.. I'm sure its gonna help

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| Jul 01, 2017

Very positive approach of parenting n hw to control our yelling.

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| Jul 01, 2017

nice and agreed

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| Jul 01, 2017

very well written. mutual check point is superb

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| Jul 01, 2017

superbbbbb , I m gonna follow some of them now as I already applied some at my own. thanku for such a practical approach u shared here.

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| Jul 01, 2017

well suggested.... though I m following some of them on my own n now I'll try to follow rest of them.... wen u feel low during the course blogs like this motivate u to restart again with full energy... thank u for sharing ur experiences..

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| Jul 01, 2017

well said.. but i m wrkng mim.. its been difficult fir me to calm myself.. what to do?

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| Jul 01, 2017

superb blog.... practical approach to control the anger... n agreed dat v also have to take care of our selves as a happy n healthy mom grows a happy n healthy child

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| Jul 01, 2017

loved all your ideas... will surely gonna implement wid my kid... thanks for sharing... you gonna be a great contribution to my parenting journey

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| Jul 01, 2017

excellent blog

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| Jul 01, 2017

Excellent ideas... I really liked all the tips in the blog.

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| Jul 01, 2017

nice one

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| Jul 01, 2017

very nice suggetions

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| Jul 01, 2017

nice suggestions ... I don't yell at my child frequently but still I do. So I wld luv to implement it in ma lyf... thanks...

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| Jul 01, 2017

nice suggestion. I will try.

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| Jul 01, 2017

really good ways to teach ourselves

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| Jul 01, 2017

Nice ones let me also try

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| Jul 01, 2017

Very well articulated Deepti.... and yes when we go back to think that why did we yell or screamed the answers are frustration,tiredness, negativity ... and the child's actions were not so big that we had to yell...... One thing more ... a professional would write and suggest as a professional while a mother would write what she actually practiced.. good write

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| Jul 01, 2017

i will try these methods wid my children... liked it

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| Jul 01, 2017

it's really good... i 'll try it too

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| Jul 01, 2017

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| Jul 01, 2017

nice im gona try this. hope this works

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| Jul 01, 2017

Great article... Really motivating.... Will try to implement

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| Jul 01, 2017

Nice article Deepthi

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| Jul 01, 2017

nice suggestions.... will definitely try

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| Jul 02, 2017

Very helpful and good suggestion

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| Jul 02, 2017

Thanks for sharing

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| Jul 02, 2017

Good one

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| Jul 02, 2017

Good one... Thanks for sharing.. I wil surely try this

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| Jul 02, 2017

nice article.. surely wil try :)

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| Jul 02, 2017

very nice we all must try

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| Jul 02, 2017

will try the next time when my kid is cranky

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| Jul 03, 2017

nice suggestions..

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| Jul 03, 2017

mast

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| Jul 03, 2017

nice

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| Jul 03, 2017

Gud suggestions wil definately try

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| Jul 04, 2017

really nice to read positive thing. positiveness helps a lot..

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| Jul 04, 2017

Good article

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| Jul 04, 2017

Nice article... seems true with me and my son.. Will try

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| Jul 04, 2017

Gd suggestion.. will definately try...

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| Jul 04, 2017

Very nice article.... will surely try.

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| Jul 04, 2017

Really a nice one.... vl surely try my bestto get a gud result

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| Jul 04, 2017

No yelling BT how.. :( after telling my 4. 5 yr old daughter not to play wid water ..she ignored me n fill the polybag wid water n put the lots of stuff along wide AC remote in it.. n of course, I yelled at her.. :(

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| Jul 04, 2017

Very well written.

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| Jul 04, 2017

Nice suggestions. ....Vl try to implement

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| Jul 04, 2017

Very useful tips.. I will try to follow these

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| Jul 04, 2017

Very useful tips, it needs much more patience. I will definetely try. Thank u.

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| Jul 05, 2017

superb nd thanks for sharing , l m going to trythis

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| Jul 05, 2017

Thanks a ton for writing this article..... I am pouring out all my warm good motherly wishes on you...... this article is come exactly at the time when I am facing a same situation as has happened with u..... U have penned down everything marvelously and have made it seem that it is achievable.... love u with all m y heart

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| Jul 05, 2017

There was no suggestuin about how to make ur child listen without yelling as claimed by the heading of the article... sorry not useful

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| Jul 05, 2017

Nice one.... would definetly try this out. . Thank u☺

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| Jul 05, 2017

Hi Deepti. I read your suggestions & simply loved them, as they are very simple & logical to follow. Would surely try them , as I too have started yelling at my son, which is very wrong. Thanks Deepti.

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| Jul 05, 2017

Thanks. I m definitely try this.

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| Jul 05, 2017

Nice blog deepti.. This will help me n my daughter

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| Jul 05, 2017

Very nice blog Dipti. I felt as if I'm reading what I'm going through. I totally agree to this and I'm sure by keeping a check on myself I'm becoming a very strong person from inside as well as we create healthy relationships.

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| Jul 05, 2017

thanq so much madam for your valuable information

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| Jul 05, 2017

I loved this blog.. all points have their own logic..... I knew some theory before but now I m more clear about how to do ....I loved 4 th one mutual check and 5 th one the most..

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| Jul 05, 2017

This is helpful to some extent but what if you said something 10 times to your daughter and she still don't listen to it. What if she irritates every time when i asked her to give me water. There are many things which can't be solved by staying calm. And each and every thing u cannot write or make understand in a blog. I had tried many things it does affect but does not change the situation. Either u have to do with her own way or scolding remains the only option.

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| Jul 05, 2017

Thank you so much for this blog. It's pretttttttty amazing! Lovely lil do its! Thanks!