Parenting Child Psychology and Behaviour Special Needs

Teen Speak - Teens share why they resort to lying

Neetu Ralhan
11 to 16 years

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Teen Speak Teens share why they resort to lying

“Hold on to me but also set me free. Give me roots but also give me wings.” Welcome to a teen’s world – the wobbly world of an individual who is no more a child and not yet a grown up. A world where parents and family are no more the be all and end all of her life. The outside world is calling out and enticing your child to have new experiences, which require her to make decisions mum n dad may not necessarily approve of.


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Tarannum Malik

| Nov 24, 2015

A true and amazingly written fact ...awesome

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Shikha Batra

| Aug 18, 2015

Beautifully written! Teenage is the age when an adolescent is already dealing with raging hormones, bodily changes as well as going through psychological turmoil. The best way to help them pass through this phase smoothly is to be their friend. One could share what they had gone through when they were in the same stage. This will alleviate their anxieties a bit. Awesome write up Neetu Ralhan!

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Neetu Ralhan

| Aug 18, 2015

Let's just do one thing - let us both try and let them be for a week - trust their judgement and stop ourselves from questioning their every action. It demands huge amount of patience and self control which I feel I lack. Also haveing an only child makes you fuss over everything they do or don't do - for example brushing tehir teeth :)Feels better to know I am not alone. I will come back here after a week and share my experience. Hope you will too.

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Neetu Ralhan

| Aug 18, 2015

Hi Rrittu. My son who is now 14 used to tell me everything but recently I have noticed that he has started to hide some things from me - mostly the ones where he feels he will get a lecture or a scolding. As Priyanka mentioned above its difficult for us to become model parents who would just let the child be for a while and not question their every action. I struggle with it everyday :) I would just like to say that I don't think a child can become a compulsive lier to the point of no return. He is just trying to give you fewer opportunities to scold him. I have seen my child do that.

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Rrittu Bhadwal

| Aug 18, 2015

Hi everyone,undoubtedly a very nice article. But my pblm is that my son who is 11 yrs old has become a compulsive lier. I mean to say even for small n petty things he lies for example if on a off day form his school I ask him whether he has brush his teeth He would say yes( but he never has done it in real). So this behaviour of his really troubles me. I don't understand wat to do. Because of this we hav major issues between us

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priyanka daksh

| Aug 18, 2015

Nice article. if not exactly but dis topic with its insight was very wel known. broad changes must be brought in by parents side by over a peroid of time. but in todays gen its highly impossible for a parents to be with non questioning model parents

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Priyanka Bhansali Jain

| Aug 18, 2015

A good read. thanx Hv to b less judgemental. children need space too and we cant expect them to tell us everything. Did we do that! Our parents also claimed to be our friends. the truth is that parents keep changing gears very quickly. this makes the child unsure

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Alka Verma

| Jul 19, 2015

Yeah to grab attention my daughter lies to me n makes fun.. She will be 13 in a few months n I m already so scared coz she does not listen

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Pooja Jain

| Jul 18, 2015

Neha thank you for sharing this article. I have a question to ask. I have a 19 year old daughter and 14 year old son. I have always been very open with my kids always and never stopped them for doing anything. She studies in Bangalore now and stays in a namesake Girls PG. all their friends like to sit together till late in the nite and enjoy. She has told me who all take weed , smoke and drink. And of course have relationships. Last month she told me that she was going out on a date with a new boy who she recently got to know of. She said as I can't lie to you so sharing with you. Though I told her not to get distract her mind from studies, but she went ahead with that. Last week she went to a pg of boys of her class and was working there till late. She came back by herself at 1. 30 in the night. When I told her that she is risking her life by doing this so late , she said her friends came to drop her. I told this to my husband as he should be aware of this God forbid if something goes wrong. We are in Delhi and she lives in Bangalore. My husband tried making her understand but since that day it's been more than 6 days , she is not talking to us. Giving very cold reaction. It hurts real bad so see children behave this way even after being friends with them. Can't understand what to do. Plesse suggest what to do in this case. Thanks

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Hema Badlani

| Jul 18, 2015

it did give me the perspective from the other side. after reading the article I reliased that I am happy to be a mother , who also happens to be a coach . I am completely open to my child's view and i allow him his space , decisions as I feel that they will learn from there mistakes too. I am happy that till today he has never spoken a lie. ....as far as I understand.

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Neha Shah

| Jul 18, 2015

A really good article fr all the parents parenting teens! I wouldnt say now we knw hw to catch dem bt wud rather say now we knw wer we shd mke chnges in our parenting!!

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Neetu Ralhan

| Jun 12, 2015

Thank you friends for reading and sharing your views. Best wishes.

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Ththe

| Jun 10, 2015

Great article

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Renuka Dhar

| Jun 10, 2015

Grt article

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simran sharma

| Jun 10, 2015

Great article, very well written, loved to read to the very last line.

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Portia Mercy Kamalam

| Jun 09, 2015

Its so much more easier dealing with this as a Counselor, as a parent its a struggle. Unlearning it is and then go on to learning and implying.

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Sonali Patwari

| Jun 09, 2015

at times children want to protect their most passionate matter being digged out by their peers and they cloud it with a lie...... in a peer group it gets exposed in a nasty manner with parents at times deciding for kids........ i would say just let them be.... when they are honest about what they feel....... respect emotions more rather than magnifying the lie..... they do realise and learn.

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Sunita Panday

| Jun 08, 2015

Very well written article... I just discussed it with my teenage daughter and niece... got to know there version too which was similar to these kids. A big thanks for this.

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dipali prasad

| Jan 22, 2015

Amazing ! So well written.... i got answers to many of my questions which was in mind related to my 12 yrs old daughter. Thanks.... i get most of my child related worried answered thru reading articles on parentune.

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Shivani

| Apr 07, 2014

good article

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Nayan

| Sep 26, 2013

Great article.

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Shobha Rana

| Jul 13, 2013

I was going through this problem for a long time with my son who is 13 yrs now. Reading the article is an eyeopener, will try to ignore his petty lies but I am worried if it becomes a life long habit.

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Vaishali Gandhi

| Jul 05, 2013

Thanks for sharing this article... will surely help us moms in keeping communication channels open with our teens.

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Poonam

| Jul 05, 2013

Enriching . Will really keep these in mind henceforth. We should also respect our child.

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Jyothi

| Apr 08, 2013

I can co-relate these incidents to my teenage even though my mother was more of a friend to me. The fact was that while she was my most adorable friend when I was 10-15 years, the differences cropped up after that. Its for this reason I have decided to update myself and live my childhood and teenage once again with my son. How much ever you are friendly and open with your children , there will be a point when they will want to differ. Giving advise to them is our duty and we should do it despite all criticism. How much can we police them to the extent that we can curb their wrong doing and still let them be independent is such a thin fragile line .....so the silsila of gentle lies will still continue.... Insofar as the children do not cheat and understand that the lie is for an underlying good, then I think we should smile and let it go as "We were also once like this!!!"

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manisha chanda

| Apr 07, 2013

great one

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Pooja

| Apr 03, 2013

Surely a nice blog with some real good examples. I shared this so called "lying habit" with my 8 year old daughter & she accepted graciously that she tells lie just to escape my frowns & anger... though for small things like not finishing lunch at school or teacher being absent on the exam date. But after reading this, I promised her not to scold her for these petty things & she can tell me anything from wild to worst... Now lets see....

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Navneet Bahri

| Apr 02, 2013

whao.... i really like the blog... for the sheer honesty and a galore of possibilities... to come on the same plane as our children, to look at life thru their eyes also. thanks for putting it all together and saying out aloud (in this case, writing :))

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shalini arora

| Apr 01, 2013

very nice article.... i have a daughter aged 18 n son 13+. both are my children but d problem is my daughter will never speak lie and my son is a smooth lier which makes me think dat wer i have gone wrong... but within minutes he will confess also... i hasve tried everything but nothing has worked. in our house my kids have a very open atmosphere but unable 2 understand why he lies?

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Neetu Ralhan

| Mar 22, 2013

thank you Dhara, that is the thought behind each blog that comes up on parentune - to trigger a thought somewhere and push for a gentle , positive shift in parenting. I am glad to hear that reading this got you thinking. As a parent, even i am still learning how to do things best.. Few days back I met these lovely teenaged girls who are being harassed by same aged boys. When we asked them if their parents know - on esaid my parents are too busy too deal with such things, the other said my mom does not have time , she says solve your problems on your own. and these are urban, working, modern parents so to speak..

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Dhara

| Mar 21, 2013

A big thank for such a nice article, as my kids are in teens. its a eye opener and hence I will think before doing any communication with him.

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Bhavna

| Mar 20, 2013

Very well written article .... i gives such insight on what and why children do the things they do .... no more can parents say ," what did we do wrong to deserve this?" .... awesome reality check this is and a blessing to the parents of the teenagers... thank you neetu!!

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Neetu Ralhan

| Mar 19, 2013

Yeah Indu, when I showed this blog to my son, he was quick to say ' I also do it at times for fear of being scolded. ' Collating this was an eye opener for me as well :)

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Indu

| Mar 18, 2013

An eye opener ... Never thought these points before blaming the teens and our kids for lying ... Thanks for this article ... it make me think now that next time when I will find any teen or kid lying... will try to find the reason behind it ... the root cause ... may be it us who make them lying...

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