To be or not to be - our child’s FRIEND?

Sreelakshmi, trust, sharing and confidence are not really just the marks of a friend but of good parenting. At the age of 8 or 10 or 12, a child needs a parent and not a friend. A child whose mind is still being formed needs guidance and discipline more than friendship. In fact, if a parent tries to be a friend, a child may become confused about the parents role in his/ her life. Only when a child turns 16 or 17 can a parent start becoming a friend, to gain insight into the mind of the budding adult and remain an integral part of their lives.

Sree... What I have noticed from observing my cousins and nephews is that we can only lead by example. Whether we like it or not, kids are constantly observing us. They observe the way we deal with our parents. If we are seen ignoring them or bossing over them often, they take in the cues and form a mental pattern which starts manifesting itself later. Child Psychologists says that living in joint families is always not practical today, but what we can do within the current framework of things is to keep in touch with our parents through phone or internet, constantly making an attempt to update them on the daily happenings in our lives and seeking their opinion on small and big family matters. We need to make them realise the importance of respecting parents by showing them the way. The learning kids get from neutral observation is way more relevant than from sermonizing them.

It can get difficult to know where to draw the line between parenting and friendship. A very informative topic.

Its relieving to hear an expert support the authoritative parenting style. One is always struggling about whether to be the child's friend and to what extent, great insight. Have saved Ms. John's comment on my desktop.

Handling a kid of the same age, I would say , its easy to suggest than follow. Still what I, at least try to follow is behave as you want them to behave. Respecting elders is a must and no excuses accepted. I have told her its okay if once in a while you ignore what mumma said but disrespect, being loud to anyone in the house is not acceptable. I draw boundaries as to where I should be after her and where I can afford to ignore and let her and her grandparents handle between themselves,but I swear its tough!I to have some issues that I have posted in my talk,in my case disrespect is not an issue as such. Shouting at kids becomes unavoidable at times,specially when all we tried went in vain n we have no idea as to what next:-) But be sure, be it anyways and anything, the kid loves you immensely and needs you always from within!